There are just things that happen in this house...and to me, in general...that just do NOT happen in other places to other people. I am certain of it. Having talked to my friend Lyndi, we decided that this blog is a most excellent way to REMEMBER these unbelievable things. We are both pretty sure that we have early on-set dementia and if I don't write something down, then I am going to forget it/wipe it from my memory to make room for more junk nearly immediately. So....here is one small reason that I KNOW I need a reality camera following me around...I am sure I will come up with more in the near future:
If you have run with me or had a lengthy conversation with me since Easter you probably already know this story, but it is worthy of my documentation nonetheless. This year for Lent, the girls and I all gave up or "sacraficed" something AND decided to add IN something new to better ourselves for God and the world. Well our "add in" this year was that every Monday, we would go to the church at 4:00 and pray the rosary. It is written in our church bulletin that the rosary is prayed every day at 4:00 Monday-Thursday. Now, let's be clear here....I am a Catholic convert. And as a convert Catholics are relatively EASY on you...they do not make you memorize rosary prayers, etc....that's sort of up to you. Well, since I had only a general IDEA of how to pray the rosary, I got my little "How to Pray the Rosary" pocket guide from the Catholic book store, grabbed 3 rosaries from home, and off us gals went to church. I knew that the girls would be fine...they pray these prayers EVERY DAY at Catholic school...it is totally ME that is the fish out of water.
So, we pull up to chuch at 3:55 and prance right in. Holy crap....they've already STARTED! Panic. There are 4 elderly people there....I can make a safe assumption that these are the same 4 people that are there every Monday so as soon as they all GET to church they just start, not expecting a ragtag group like mine to coming busting up in that joint. Of course, we do NOT make a quiet entrance...stomping down the aisle, slamming into a pew behind everyone, clinking rosary beads as I hand them out. AND, as I stated already...the rosary has STARTED. I do NOT know where we are in the scheme of prayers....which decade are we on? How many Hail Marys? etc. My 8 year old is looking at me like a deer in the headlights; I am flipping frantically through my useless "pocket guide", and I am pretty sure my 6 year old is just laying on the pew truly ticked off that she is having to do this. It is at this point that a new decade starts...and the leader says something that I don't really hear but Reese and her radar ears whispers fiercely to me, "Sorrowful Mystery #2...GO!" It is at this point that I realize she speaks Cathlolic...and I have a good shot she might become a nun.
All goes well, with the exception of the one prayer that I am pretty sure these people just MADE UP that they throw in at the end of every decade, because I can not find that sucker in my guidebook ANYWHERE and even Reese doesn't know it....though she has it memorized by the end of prayer time. I don't re-enter panic mode until decade 3 starts and I realize a terrible thing....every person in the church is taking a turn LEADING a decade.....there are 5 decades. Let me do the math for you...there were 4 people there when we arrived...we slipped into the last pew...they are moving BACK. Who is gonna be up to bat for the last decade? You guessed it. My 8 year old realizes this fact at about the same moment as me....and then begins an inapprorpriately loud conversation DURING the praying of the rosary about how we are going to lead a decade. I am looking for a way out...when the 4th decade starts, the lady in the 3rd pew turns and finally acknowledges our existence, holding up her rosary and asking silently if we WANT to lead. I give her to "NO!" and slash across my throat motion. She nods...she's got my back. THEN...the fun starts.
My 8 year old starts ARGUING with me (during the PRAYING OF THE ROSARY) because how DARE I say we don't want to lead?!?!? SHE wants to lead it. SHE can DO it!!!!!!!! How could I not have KNOWN this? I am a horrible mom!!!!! So, as 4th decade stops there is a little lull and the 3rd lady speaks up that we are not going to lead, and I have to say, "Well, actually, I do not want to lead....but my daughter would like to." I am fairly certain that by the looks on those elderly folks' faces they were pretty certain the Holy Spirit had just descended upon our church. And Reese led that dang rosary decade just like the nun she shall grow up to be.
When does next panic mode step in? When they start praying the rosary again....and I realize that these people are going to pray ALL 4 mysteries in my little guidebook...not just one praying of the rosary. FOUR. That's a LOT of long praying for all you non-Catholics. Since I have a 2 year old waiting for us at the sitter's, we slip out. The NEXT time we go, we are better time managed to stay for the full praying of all 4 mysteries. At one point I DID lead a few decades. My 8 year old led several as well. My 6 year old spent her time weaving her rosary beads between her toes...b/c that's normal. As we are walking out of church with our 4 new elderly friends and I explain to them that this is part of out Lenten promise to come every Monday for rosary praying, the "leader" looks at MY 6 YEAR OLD and asks her if next week SHE would like you lead a decade. And without missing a beat she says "YES!"...like I have been holding her down/squelching her Catholicism. AND that little man was in for a surprise the next week when I MADE her lead the decade she so adamantly wanted....only for the elderly folks to have the blessing of learning that my 6 year old can't say her "r's" and isn't great with several other sounds, so her praying out loud at any speed is really amusing. Sounds a bit like she has a mouthful of marbles....we are working on it. But, it serves them right!
All said and done, it was a good experience for us....with the exception of the fact that my 6 year old can't keep focused long enough to know which decade we are on much less which Hail Mary. Lessons were learned by all. But I highly recommend that my church video tape what goes on during said prayer services....they could make a lot of money off America's Funniest Home videos.
No one could make this stuff up people.....all the truth.
Have a happy day! :-)
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