Never Judge a Mom by the Cover

In general, one of the things I love most about being a Catholic is the fact that when you go to church no one gives a rip about what you wear/how your hair is fixed/if you have on make up....they are just pretty darned happy that you are THERE.  Maybe this is just our town?  Or even just my church?  But when I see a teeage girl still dirty and in her soccer gear sitting one pew over from an elderly lady when is wearing pink heels, pink pants, and what appears to the naked eye to be a pink snuggie (not exaggerating that outfit, it was hard to not notice it)....I gotta be honest....I don't bat an eye.  Well, I CATCHES my eye...but the only true thought that enters my head is, "Dang!  Glad they made it to church..."  I mean if no one says anything to me at Saturday night Mass after I have had a chemical peel along the lines of, "HOLY SMOKES, Jen!  Is your face falling off?"  Well, you know they are pretty much not judging ANYONE for what they look like in church.  Us Catholics just wantcha in the pews :-)

That said, there is another arena of life where I have  found people to judge both themselves AND others waaaaaay too harshly....that that's us mothers.  You know...when you get pregnant or start  thinking about having children, people talk about how it is "the hardest job on Earth...but one you wouldn't trade for anything."  It is amazing how true that is.  Give me 24 of someone ELSE'S children and I'll teach them science, writing, reading, math, etc until the cows come home....but lay a hormonal 9 year old girl, 7 year old carefree gal, and 4 year old "Flash Gordon" son on me, and I am pretty much just praying that NONE of them grow up and become drug dealers.  HOLY!  Please, Lord, don't let me mess up these little angels you sent to me!  Every single decision that you make....every single day....every single word out of your mouth...every single action -- they ALL have an affect on your children.  We all know that and that just ADDS to the pressure.

One of my friends has a motto that I LOVE, "Never judge another mother...you have NO idea what her day, her week, her life is like outside of that little window you see in the grocery store parking lot."  Wow.  Think about the truth behind that.  I think that we, as moms (and dads too), put on a pretty good front most of the time.  We smile; we carpool; we try to volunteer when we can; we send treats and snacks to school....but lots of times there are few, if ANY, people and friends that TRULY know what is on our hearts and minds.

It's easy to point a finger at another mom and say, "Look at what she did...." and rattle off a bunch of nonsense.  So, my personal goal in the face of this is to STOP and THINK.  Really?  Maybe this mom who lost her mind in the Walmart parking lot just found out that her husband has cancer?  Maybe one of her children has special needs?  Maybe her spouse is cheating on her?  Maybe she or her spouse has lost their job and now finances are in the gutter?  Maybe someone in her family...maybe even she herself...is battling some sort of substance abuse problem?  Maybe she is the glue holding it all together?  Maybe she has a migraine?  Maybe her own mother is falling into an Alzheimer's haze, and she is losing a little piece of her mom every day?  Maybe her cousin just committed suicide?  Really....the circumstances are endless.

We can not imagine what life is like for another just by looking at them from the outside.  LOTS of people can slap on a smile in the midst of a hurricane...and literally pull the wool right over the eyes of even the closest of friends.  Maybe that is how we are trained as women?  To be strong....to push forward....because when the chips fall, what is the option?  The kids still need to be fed, bathed, homework needs to be done, cross country/soccer/swimming/dance class/baseball practices and games must all be attended...with clean uniforms and attire in tow.  Moms don't really have an "off" switch.  It's a part of the job.  A job, that most mothers, would never, ever trade for all the world. 

So, as moms/women in general, can we cut each other just a little slack?  We are ALL gonna have that moment in the grocery store parking lot....a minimum of one tantrumming child (if not more) and a WHOLE lot more on our invisible plate that we are juggling.  Just remember your own moments when you see OTHERS have THEIR moments.  They need your support and prayers a lot more than than they need your judgement. 

Have a great week everyone!
xoxo Jennifer

Technology scares me...

So, let's get this straight...I am old.  37 at the end of this month. 3 kids in.  Old.  But I have come to terms that I am scared to death of  technology.

OBVIOUSLY I am not scared about technology as far as I am concerned..,hello Facebook, blog, and twitter.  But I  am pertrified as to how technology with affect my children. Let's break down my fears:

1.  I am unsure that most kids realize what they write on the internet is fair game.  It can be taken the wrong way.  It can hurt other's feelings.  It can cause a  sh*tstorm.  I was a teen once...I get it...you FEEL invincible, but you are not.  And I know as a parent that struggles not to "helicopter" that all I can do is steer my kids clear of social media for as long as possible...teach them how to lock down their privacy setting...and talk to the about how words are just as hurtful as fists.  Do unto others.  It is a lesson hard learned but one that must be passed onto the kids.  Even if I have to site my own shortcomings.

2. Imagine 1993 (those old enough), I head off to UK.  These are the days before cellphones were ANY sort of standard... Email. Not even a personal aol account until junior year in  college.   UK didn't even offer student accounts until my senior year, I think.  The fact that I learned how to use power point at college was EPIC at my first job interview,  Today?  Students head off college with a trail of info behind them.  They have NO chance to erase that past and move forward.  When they head off to college, there is a good chance that both amazing and awful(probably untrue)  info is following them on FB or twitter.  It makes me sad.  EVERYONE deserves the chance to find themselves/reinvent themselves in a new surrounding with new people.  College is the beginning to of the rest of your life!  It makes me sad that young people today head AWAY to college with a past. Boo!!!!!!!!  I mean, i was the only person on my floor in the Theta house with a computer if you only knew how many nights/early mornings I awoke to my sweet sisters typing/printing term papers. Good times:) Blissfully ignorant, happy times.

3. There is just no way to stop the forward movement of technology...but please God help my kids know how to use it appropriately. To know what is appropriate to post...to not post...to say....to not say.  Help them Not be the brunt of abuse of others...and most importantly, help them turn the other cheek and forgive when forgiveness is deserved.

Think about what you post/tweet/blog...think about those on the receiving end!

Xoxo Jennifer