In case you haven't noticed, this blog spills over into my personal/Mommy/human life...a LOT. Like....that is all it really is. Just a collection of all things strange, unbelievable, funny, and shocking that happen TO me and AROUND me. It's pretty scary the amount of material there is to pull from in a seemingly normal daily life!
So, since I have a 9 year old who acts like she is on preteen hormonal steroids and a 7 year old who hasn't one CARE in the world (here's looking at you, schoolwork!) and a 3 year old who just basically runs around giving me bruises on my legs from all the sword fighting we do....I have started reading some basic literature on how to deal with kids of all different ages/personalities. Does that mean I am reading parenting "How-To" books? Eh, maybe. But, we all know that READING about a situation is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay different than facing that situation in real life and following through with a reaction that is appropriate (and in my case doesn't involve screaming at someone). But, I figure ANYTHING will help me at this point...I am surrounded by insanity anyway...what I am DOING does not really work, let's try a new approach. So, I set to reading.
One of the first catchphrases I have run across in SEVERAL different articles/books and I think even on the blog www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com is the term (and I LOVE it): HELICOPTER PARENT. It is a term used to describe the parent who is ALWAYS waiting in the wings to swoop down and save their kid from failing. Whether it is making a big deal when theier toddler skins their knee on the playground or races back to school to retrieve the forgotten backpack or is ready to take on the classroom teacher/principal because there is NO WAY their little angel cheated on that test, they always want their kid on the "Best" baseball/soccer/basketball team, they praise and praise their kiddos for every Accelerated Reader point (dang that AR system!) received....these parents are the ones that really help protect their children from any kind of failure.
Deep down, I think these parents (and I will be the FIRST to admit that I carry many of these qualities) have the BEST of intentions. They are doing their best to BE there for their children. But, the problem is...they are there TOO MUCH. Yep. That's possible. If our children are not allowed to fail...experience failure, its consequences, its emotional toll, and then learn to pick themselves up and push forward...then what exactly are we modeling for our kids? That when they get to college and get a "D" on the first English paper they write (because Mommy/Daddy were not there to proofread it) that they should just drop out of college????? Or that when they get their first job in sales and someone else out sells them by double-fold that it really isn't THEIR fault...change jobs...obviously that one was not for you! Please...please...please tell me this is not the generation of children we are raising.
I really want my kids to know if they get a "D" on a paper that they DESERVED that "D" and need to work harder next time to get a better grade...that they are capable young people, able to do the work. I want my kids to know if their job performance is not up to snuff, then they better get to hoofing it. Get the nose to the grindstone and WORK for it. I want my kids to WANT to do well. I want my kids to WANT to be responsible. And probably the BEST way to teach this? Is to let them experience what it feels like to NOT do well or what irresponsibility feels like (which will, inevitably mean they encounter failure along the way). I am not sure anything else really takes the place of real world experience. But easier said that done, right???????
NO ONE wants to see their kid suffer, especially if the consequesnces could have been avoided through better decision making skills. However, think back on your childhood. Didn't you learn a thing or two about yourself and humanity in general while you were arguing with your neighborhood friends during flashlight tag, or failed a test because you flat out forgot to study, or liked the REALLY wrong guy? It's how we LEARN and GROW as people in this world. Our parents can TELL us...but until we muff up and face the music ourselves, we really won't believe it.
That said, wouldn't it be lovely if our kids got used to dealing with failure...and KNEW they would have to face consequences at a young age? Knew how to dust themselves off after a failure...or even acutally learned to *gasp* make good decisions and eventually AVOID the life altering, forever life changing bad decisions that they COULD make. Yep..that's the goal. To know they will make good decisions later....and know consequences await (both good and bad) once they make decisions.
Cut to me: borderline (or full-blown, trying to reform!) helicopter parent. I realize at 10 a.m. on Thursday morning that it is "game day" in my child's 3rd grade child's classroom. My daughter has talked about which game to take, how to transport it, etc. Well, we had been busy the night before and evidentally were not terribly worried about it Thursday morning b/c it NEVER came up. So, here I sit in my living room...knowing my daughter forgot her "game" on "game day". My helicopter parent mode kicks in...I WANT to dash to school in my minivan and drop that game off...it won't take 15 min round trip...and my daughter will think I am a HERO. But, then I STOP myself (look at me! progress!!). If I do this, I am rescuing her....from a situation she was totally capable of controlling. SHE knew it was game day well ahead of time, so the ball was not totally in my court. I figure if she is melting down at school or freaking out that I am going to get a call/would have already gotten the call...nope....no calls. I checked email....maybe the teacher sent me a gentle reminder in case I was "out" and could drop the game by. Nope...no email. And that's when I decided.....helicopteer tendencies be DAMNED. I am not taking the game. Simple failure to remember the game = simple and relatively painless conseuquence of not having her own game at school and needing to share with others. No biggie. Of course, I then worried all day about the wrath and tirade I would hear from her when school let out about being a HORRIBLE mother who didn't remember Game Day and didn't bring the game to school...
Funny thing happened. She NEVER mentioned it. I asked everyone how school went...everyone was happy (or as happy as two bickering young girls can be)...nothing. Not a word about the dang game. About 2 hours later, my 9 year old pipes up with, "I forgot to take my game to game day." And, calmly I said, "Ah man, I thought about that...but it was late in the afternoon. Did everything work out?" Her: "Yeah, I ended up helping another group that was playing Headbandz....they couldn't figure out the rules so I started helping to give them clues and stuff." Period. End of it.
PHEW. My first attempt at NOT hovering worked. A SMALL failure...with very small consequence...will probably keep her from forgetting such a special day in the future...and hopefully she will decide that small items like this one are not "big ticket" items with "big ticket" consequences...it is super easy to pull up your bootstraps and keep on trucking.
That would certainly be great...because this helicopter is running low on fuel and hovering in one spot is really just NO FUN.
Have a great day all!
Jennifer
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Run, Forrest, Run!!!!!!!!
Let's get a little background knowledge on my running career. I WAS the girl in freshman year gym class that tried to beg, borrow, and bribe my way out of running the MILE. I loved to dance...but any other physical activity that required sweat? Not so much. I mean, in my defense, these were the days that my "gym shoes" were KEDS. For real. I worry so much about "foot support" these days with my running shoes...and back then, I was basically performing all gym activities in shoes that had cardboard for "support". Good thinking there, Jen. Wow.
I did not start "running" (and I use that term VERRRRRY loosely) until after the birth of my first child. And the only reason I started running then was because I needed to speed my workout up a bit. A typical workout for me back then was to walk 3 miles on a treadmill. So, I started where I would walk 4 min, jog 1 min...gradually bumping times up until I was jogging the full 3 miles. And I do mean "jog". There was no "run" and certainly no "sprint". I could probably have used my husband's amazing speed walking skills to WALK the pace I was using as my jog. But, nevertheless, I kept at it. And it was about this time that the school disctrict I was working for started a new "Get Fit" program. It also joined with other large employers in the town to get employees active with things like raquetball tournaments, volleyball tourneys, and....a 5K run. One of my fellow employees was a big runner and when they started drafting faculty members to represent at the 5K, she talked me into the idea that I could DO this. I took a leap of faith and signed up for the race.
Thank goodness, the vast majority of people who were running in this race were a lot like me...new to this whole running thing. But, I kept my nice slow/steady pace and never walked for the 3.1 miles and crossed the finish line VERY proud of myself. Never mind that I screwed up the "medal" system by putting my finishing card into the "Women's Age 50-55" age group box. I mean, who knew there was a system?? Not me. I saw a box that said "women" and threw my ticket in...I was waaaaay to freaking tired to READ a SIGN. I even saw one of my high school buddies at the finish line. I am pretty sure that she thought she was hallucinating...I mean, I was the LAST person she would ever think to see at a RACE.
Again, I was PUMPED about finishing this race without walking. That was my goal. When I got home (with my MEDAL...yes...there was like NO ONE in my age division), I started telling my husband about the race. The conversation went something like this:
Him: "So, how'd it go?"
Me: "Look! I won a medal! HA! No, really, I am happy to have done it. I didn't walk...I finished in a time that I would never have guessed that I could run. Basically, I paced myself off another girl. We would pass enough other off and on throughout the race."
Him: "But, you beat her? Right?"
Me: "No. I was ahead of her for about the last mile and the as we were heading into the chute she just sprinted past me in that last tenth of a mile. Wow. I feel so good."
Him: "WHAT? You LET her beat you? Someone you ran with/against the entire race? No way. There is NO WAY I would have let her pass me! That TOTALLY defeats the point of a RACE. OMG. No way. In the CHUTE, Jennifer???"
Me: "Why does this even matter? I was not racing HER. I was seeing if I could finish the race without walking. Period."
Him: "It just does. It matters."
Being ever the coach and supporter, he came home from work the next day and informed me that he had talked to several friends of his that were regular race runners and they ALL agreed ..... NEVER let someone pass you in the chute. Obviously....I was not a real "runner" because I did not care.
Cut to me several years later...I am 3 kids in at this point. I have always returned to running after each child -- and 5K times are getting better. I still do not have a bloodlust for beating other people...do like to set PRs for myself -- you know run a race at a faster time than I ever have before. I have run 3 different half marathons...none great but all pretty OK. Running is just bascially my choice of exercise. I am currrently training for my 4th half marathon...and my only goal is to try and finish in under 2 hours. I know if all the stars align that I CAN do it -- but it is just a personal goal. Which just makes the story to follow even THAT much funnier...
So, I went on a 4 mile run with a friend on the Greenbelt recently. We met in kind of an awkward spot...I ran about a mile to meet her and then separated from her about a mile from finishing. WHen we were getting ready to split and go our separate ways, I looked down the trail and saw a familiar silouette. It was a man that I see REGULARLY running in and around our neighborhood area. He is just a big person by nature. I do not mean "fat"...I mean, just not built like some little sprinty runner. He is tall, strong, and heavyset. But, by heavens, he runs all the time...and for that I respect him. Now, know this....most everytime I see him running, I am in my car....not actually on foot. And I think because of his size he always looks to be going deceivingly slower than he actually is. You know, I always have one of those moments of, "Bless his heart! Look at him just go as fast as he can! He never gives up. I love that!" Joke's on me.
Anyway, before I leave my friend, I notice this man has turned around...he is now heading in the direction I will be running. He even gives a look over his shoulder...he is looking to see if someone is gonna be on his tail. So, off I trot. I am not terribly far behind him. And I make a mental note, "Ok....I'll pass him pretty soon"....and I kept running, and running....and I was not gaining on this guy. Or at least not by much. So, my first reaction is "Holy! This guy just LOOKS like he runs slower...I wonder what the heck I look like to other people watching ME run?? Are they all thinking 'Bless her heart! Look at her go and never give up' ?!?!?!? ARE THEY?" But as I am running, and not really changing my pace, I slowly realize that I AM gaining on him...little by little. And I decide that...NO...he does NOT run that much faster than me...I WILL pass him. It was like a crazy mental note that I could not shake. So...I get to the point in the run where there is about .4 or .5 miles left until I hit my 4 mile mark...I am close enough to this guy to pass him...so I speed up a bit and do just that.
Now....when I pass him, he has ear buds in listening to music. He did not know I was stealthily sneaking up on him. And since he was listening to music, I couldn't give him the cordial runner's greeting, "Have a great day!" So, I just waved. Evidentally, that was kinda like waving a red cape in front of a rabid bull. As I pass, I (who have NO earbuds in) hear this man's feet speed up ... so I speed up. I mean, that was my goal to pass him before I got to the end of my 4 miles....I SURE as heck was not going to get "passed in the chute" again like my first 5K debaucle. I kid you not, we looked like to FOOLS on that dang Greenbelt. Sprinting like MADMEN...because no matter what, he was NOT giving up. I look down at my watch and as it clicks to 3.99 miles, I glance to see that our PACE is 6:32 mile. WHAT??????????? I did not think I could run that fast if my pants were on fire....literally. My watch clicked over to 4.00 miles and I stopped in my tracks and started walking...throwing my hands up. **for the record, I was still leading and all that crazy sprinting really messed up my speed training run the next day** But the man just kept on trucking...NOT sprinting like a rabid dog....and ran off into the neighborhood (I am going out on a limb here and say at a MUCH slower pace!)
I have laughed and laughed about this. I have told the story to my running friends, causing them to have inappropriate laughter as well. And the greatest part? We THINK we have identified the man I was sprint- racing....as one of our neighbors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT? Now those of us who are wanting to do speed work while getting ready for this next half marathon can just go and knock on his door and ask him to come out into the neighborhood and let us chase him down like a pack of wild dogs.
Holy crap....I have turned into THAT runner. Just...on a much smaller Greenbelt leisurely run type of day. I still doubt my mental fortitude to finish a half in under 2 hours. But...I am gonna try my hardest NOT to let that person I have been pacing off of the whole race to beat me down the chute ;-) Props to the hubby's crazy competitive nature! lol
Have a great (safe) day! Hope the storms are gone where you are!
xoxo Jennifer
I did not start "running" (and I use that term VERRRRRY loosely) until after the birth of my first child. And the only reason I started running then was because I needed to speed my workout up a bit. A typical workout for me back then was to walk 3 miles on a treadmill. So, I started where I would walk 4 min, jog 1 min...gradually bumping times up until I was jogging the full 3 miles. And I do mean "jog". There was no "run" and certainly no "sprint". I could probably have used my husband's amazing speed walking skills to WALK the pace I was using as my jog. But, nevertheless, I kept at it. And it was about this time that the school disctrict I was working for started a new "Get Fit" program. It also joined with other large employers in the town to get employees active with things like raquetball tournaments, volleyball tourneys, and....a 5K run. One of my fellow employees was a big runner and when they started drafting faculty members to represent at the 5K, she talked me into the idea that I could DO this. I took a leap of faith and signed up for the race.
Thank goodness, the vast majority of people who were running in this race were a lot like me...new to this whole running thing. But, I kept my nice slow/steady pace and never walked for the 3.1 miles and crossed the finish line VERY proud of myself. Never mind that I screwed up the "medal" system by putting my finishing card into the "Women's Age 50-55" age group box. I mean, who knew there was a system?? Not me. I saw a box that said "women" and threw my ticket in...I was waaaaay to freaking tired to READ a SIGN. I even saw one of my high school buddies at the finish line. I am pretty sure that she thought she was hallucinating...I mean, I was the LAST person she would ever think to see at a RACE.
Again, I was PUMPED about finishing this race without walking. That was my goal. When I got home (with my MEDAL...yes...there was like NO ONE in my age division), I started telling my husband about the race. The conversation went something like this:
Him: "So, how'd it go?"
Me: "Look! I won a medal! HA! No, really, I am happy to have done it. I didn't walk...I finished in a time that I would never have guessed that I could run. Basically, I paced myself off another girl. We would pass enough other off and on throughout the race."
Him: "But, you beat her? Right?"
Me: "No. I was ahead of her for about the last mile and the as we were heading into the chute she just sprinted past me in that last tenth of a mile. Wow. I feel so good."
Him: "WHAT? You LET her beat you? Someone you ran with/against the entire race? No way. There is NO WAY I would have let her pass me! That TOTALLY defeats the point of a RACE. OMG. No way. In the CHUTE, Jennifer???"
Me: "Why does this even matter? I was not racing HER. I was seeing if I could finish the race without walking. Period."
Him: "It just does. It matters."
Being ever the coach and supporter, he came home from work the next day and informed me that he had talked to several friends of his that were regular race runners and they ALL agreed ..... NEVER let someone pass you in the chute. Obviously....I was not a real "runner" because I did not care.
Cut to me several years later...I am 3 kids in at this point. I have always returned to running after each child -- and 5K times are getting better. I still do not have a bloodlust for beating other people...do like to set PRs for myself -- you know run a race at a faster time than I ever have before. I have run 3 different half marathons...none great but all pretty OK. Running is just bascially my choice of exercise. I am currrently training for my 4th half marathon...and my only goal is to try and finish in under 2 hours. I know if all the stars align that I CAN do it -- but it is just a personal goal. Which just makes the story to follow even THAT much funnier...
So, I went on a 4 mile run with a friend on the Greenbelt recently. We met in kind of an awkward spot...I ran about a mile to meet her and then separated from her about a mile from finishing. WHen we were getting ready to split and go our separate ways, I looked down the trail and saw a familiar silouette. It was a man that I see REGULARLY running in and around our neighborhood area. He is just a big person by nature. I do not mean "fat"...I mean, just not built like some little sprinty runner. He is tall, strong, and heavyset. But, by heavens, he runs all the time...and for that I respect him. Now, know this....most everytime I see him running, I am in my car....not actually on foot. And I think because of his size he always looks to be going deceivingly slower than he actually is. You know, I always have one of those moments of, "Bless his heart! Look at him just go as fast as he can! He never gives up. I love that!" Joke's on me.
Anyway, before I leave my friend, I notice this man has turned around...he is now heading in the direction I will be running. He even gives a look over his shoulder...he is looking to see if someone is gonna be on his tail. So, off I trot. I am not terribly far behind him. And I make a mental note, "Ok....I'll pass him pretty soon"....and I kept running, and running....and I was not gaining on this guy. Or at least not by much. So, my first reaction is "Holy! This guy just LOOKS like he runs slower...I wonder what the heck I look like to other people watching ME run?? Are they all thinking 'Bless her heart! Look at her go and never give up' ?!?!?!? ARE THEY?" But as I am running, and not really changing my pace, I slowly realize that I AM gaining on him...little by little. And I decide that...NO...he does NOT run that much faster than me...I WILL pass him. It was like a crazy mental note that I could not shake. So...I get to the point in the run where there is about .4 or .5 miles left until I hit my 4 mile mark...I am close enough to this guy to pass him...so I speed up a bit and do just that.
Now....when I pass him, he has ear buds in listening to music. He did not know I was stealthily sneaking up on him. And since he was listening to music, I couldn't give him the cordial runner's greeting, "Have a great day!" So, I just waved. Evidentally, that was kinda like waving a red cape in front of a rabid bull. As I pass, I (who have NO earbuds in) hear this man's feet speed up ... so I speed up. I mean, that was my goal to pass him before I got to the end of my 4 miles....I SURE as heck was not going to get "passed in the chute" again like my first 5K debaucle. I kid you not, we looked like to FOOLS on that dang Greenbelt. Sprinting like MADMEN...because no matter what, he was NOT giving up. I look down at my watch and as it clicks to 3.99 miles, I glance to see that our PACE is 6:32 mile. WHAT??????????? I did not think I could run that fast if my pants were on fire....literally. My watch clicked over to 4.00 miles and I stopped in my tracks and started walking...throwing my hands up. **for the record, I was still leading and all that crazy sprinting really messed up my speed training run the next day** But the man just kept on trucking...NOT sprinting like a rabid dog....and ran off into the neighborhood (I am going out on a limb here and say at a MUCH slower pace!)
I have laughed and laughed about this. I have told the story to my running friends, causing them to have inappropriate laughter as well. And the greatest part? We THINK we have identified the man I was sprint- racing....as one of our neighbors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT? Now those of us who are wanting to do speed work while getting ready for this next half marathon can just go and knock on his door and ask him to come out into the neighborhood and let us chase him down like a pack of wild dogs.
Holy crap....I have turned into THAT runner. Just...on a much smaller Greenbelt leisurely run type of day. I still doubt my mental fortitude to finish a half in under 2 hours. But...I am gonna try my hardest NOT to let that person I have been pacing off of the whole race to beat me down the chute ;-) Props to the hubby's crazy competitive nature! lol
Have a great (safe) day! Hope the storms are gone where you are!
xoxo Jennifer
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