My husband made a VERY astute observation about me yesterday. He said, "I mean, I TRY to keep everything about me private....whereas you LOOK for stuff in your daily life to put on the internet for everyone to read." Well...BRAVO. Only took him 15 years of marriage + 4 years of courtship to realize that he is in a relationship with a person who loves to WRITE about THINGS IN MY LIFE. HA! Quite the observer. I DID tell him that I never reveal things about him PERSONALLY on my FB page or twitter or blog (which is true...I am not talking about his golf scores or his work clients or the arguements we may or may not have had) but to truly get a full perspective of the awesomeness that he is...I HAD to share that conversation.
Now..onto more important things.
I went to the gym yesterday. (yes, go ahead with your collective gasps...since the friend who was mowing my yard might or might NOT have just hinted to me today that he thinks I am pregnant...which I AM NOT). Got my arse kicked in a spinning class. Which is really a WHOLE other blog. I have decided that if you just took AUDIO from this class (the things the instructor is saying to us and all of our collective panting and groaning and cursing) that it could easily pass for a scene from a bad prono or a scene from Shades of Grey at the very least. I digress...
This is a class that MUST be followed up with a shower. Nasty, sweaty class. And I did not want to drive all the way home since I had errands to run right around the gym area. So, I take one for the team and pack up to shower at the gym.
Now, listen, I may have written about this in a blog before. I can not remember. And I am way too lazy to go back and look....but this visit was especially brutal.
I have always considered women to be the more "modest" of the sexes. Well...if that is the case then I cringe to think about what is happening over in the men's locker rooms.
Here's a list of things that irked me on this visit to the ladies locker room:
1. PLEASE people...wear shower shoes! It is a community shower. Just because you have your own shower stall doesn't mean the person in there BEFORE you was not all skanky-footed. Just remind yourself what it was like when you went off to college and had to shower there...damn right I'll bet you had shower shoes. This is NOT different.
2. The community hot tub/therapy tub....ugh! Listen...hot tubs in general creep me out. They are just nasty pools of germs as far as I am concerned, but when I see 6 older ladies all piled up in their talking bunions and bursitis, well, I am just sent right into an OCD frenzy.
3. I get it...the older women get, they more "OK" we are with our bodies. I mean, I told a friend this year that I KNEW I was getting older when I looked in the mirror at myself in a bathing suit and said, "Yep, this is the best I can do..." and walked right out. BUT...ladies....let is not get SOOOO comfy that we just let it all hang out in the locker room. Grab a towel, a spa wrap, I am even OK with just a bra and granny panties....but PUT SOMETHING ON. Reach down deep and grab that last ounce of modesty you have...then use it...in the locker room. Please.
4. People who sit in the locker room -- preworkout, postworkout, or just killing time so they can TELL people they worked out -- and watch tv...in the locker room. Now, this wouldn't both me AS much if the chairs and sofas were all leather or pleather. THEY ARE NOT. They are upholstered. Now listen...most of the time people sitting there are clothed...but NOT ALWAYS. So, what is IN those cushions? I really don't like my mind to wander in that direction. But, it scares me. I about lost it yesterday when a lady was sitting their watching her "soap opera" (fully clothed, thank goodness) when I started drying my hair. All of a sudden, I realize that I can hear the tv OVER the hair dryer that is right next to my ear. Yep, lady cranked up the TV. But it gets better...I had INTENTIONALLy waited until a commercial set to start drying my hair. So, she was blasting eardrums in order to watch commercials! Truth. Dead truth. The second her show was back on, I stopped drying my hair and she returned the volume to a normal level. Crazy town.
5. Creepers and Peepers. I am super modest about dressing/undressing in front of others. So, I am kind of like Houdini in the locker room. I am out of my spa wrap and totally dressed in 5.7 seconds. So on this day, I quick change into a little tank dress. And an older lady who is two lockers down passes by me on her way out and says, "That sure is a cute dress." How nice! *note to self: wear this dress more often* I reply with a simple, "Thanks so much!" To which she retorts....and I QUOTE, "It looked really easy to get on as well." Hold up! Wait! Push it back! Here we go.... I think I stammered something akin to, "Yeeeaaahhh....I just step in and yank it right up....bye now." But, the truth was lingering there in the air...the lady had been watching me dress! And in those 5.7 seconds she determined that she liked the look of my clothing AND that it was easy to put on my body. Helllllo stalky stalkerson.
So, an open invite to my friends....if I EVER lose my modesty in the gym locker room, please call me on it. I mean, as it stands, I try to touch as FEW surfaces as possible while in there...I just can never imagine the day that I prance around in the buff sitting on upholstered furniture. I mean...NO...not in my repertoire. However, ladies out there...if I ever BECOME this person, just tranquilizer gun my naked ass, throw me into a spa wrap, and drag me out of there for good. It will be for the betterment of the younger generation, and I will happily take one for the team if someone needs to be made example of in my older years.
Much love and happy weekend, all!
xoxo Jennifer
