I should have been a doctor....

First, let's start with the fact that I am relatively certain no one is EVER going to see this blog.  I typically link it to FB and now I can't find a darned THING on Facebook.  So, good luck everyone!  And if you found this, well....send me a tutorial as to how to find it myself.  Jeesh.

So, yeah. I have been thinking.  I should have been a doctor.  Not certain at this point what KIND would benefit me best, but some sort of medical training would be of great help around this joint. 

I realize that I am supremely lucky to have healthy, happy children...no one has a chronic or life threatening/changing condition, but that being said, if you looked at my children's dr. appt schedule in the upcoming weeks you would not believe it.  So...proof:

Monday, Sept 26: both girls appt. for flu mist

Tuesday, Sept., 27: 6 year old getting cavity filled

Wednesday, Sept 28: 3 year old goes to allergist for his flu shot (allergic to eggs...and flu shot is egg based, must be administered by allergist) AND 8 year old getting cavity filled (quit judging our oral hygiene!  I can feel the judgment from here.)

Wednesday, Oct. 5: 3 year old has post-op with ENT for anenoidectomy/ear tubes

Thursday, Oct. 6: 8 year old goes to periodontist for consultation...gum surgery already emminent.

Thursday, Oct. 13: 8 year old goes for 3-D x-ray/CAT scan of teeth...more baby teeth are def getting pulled adult teeth most likely extracted but oral surgeon needs to have a clear picture of what's in there before diving in with the scalpel.

Now, all this is barring the fact that at LEAST ONE of my kids WILL fall ill sometime in the next month, despite the amount of hand washing and hand sanitizer used.  AND the fact that two of the above dr. appts are JUST consultations that WILL lead to surgeries/braces/etc.  AND, we still have a life to live that involves homework, dance, piano, etc.   I mean, really, I spent 4 years in undergrad and another 2 solid while working to get my masters and ANOTHER 2 solid years while working to get my Rank 1 all in elementary ed.  I could have an MD by now, right?  And really, by the time you have been through 3 kids, you can diagnose PRETTY close anyway.  Send me an otoscope to check ears and a strep test kit and I am good to go! 

It's a really good thing that I love each and every one of my kids' doctors....that they are good friends of ours...and will not mind when I t.p. their houses after getting a bill that pays for their new "guest wing".

I JOKE!

Love to you all!  Have a great day!!!!!!!
xoxo Jennifer

FAIL!

Failure xs 1000!  I feel like I am like a tremendous failure over and over again.  Ugh. 

 

Here is my life in a nutshell....my Tuesday:  Get girls to school.  Rush through the grocery store.  Call dr. office while we are there to try and get an appt for 3 yr. old to have his ears rechecked....suspect he is still infected which means 2nd set of tubes.  The dr. office hems and haws and finally says the ONLY timeslot they can give me is 3:30...I explain that is FINE, but we HAVE to be IN and OUT b/c 6 yr old, 3 year old, and I all have dentist appts to have our teeth cleaned (same building, different office) at 4:00.  No prob they say....will place a note of up front for us to be "sent back immediately".  My 8 year old has dance from 3:45-5:45 but I resign myself that she can just go early with a snack and homework and sit there for 25 min until her class starts. 

 

First failure, the bus is 20 min LATE.  Seriously?  20 min????  The bus driver "wanted to do a new seating chart"...how 'bout you do that at HOME beforehand....you DO have the list of potential riders.  There went ANY wiggle room b/c as a mom 20 min = a LIFETIME.  I am rushing children in the door...throwing 8 yr old into her dance stuff and getting her hair in a bun (required this dance year); brushing 6 yr old's teeth; waking 3 yr old from nap and brushing his teeth; etc....throwing people into the van. 

 

On the way to drop 8 yr old at dance, it is apparent that we are going to be late for everything EXCEPT her dance.  Drop her...race on to dr.  Run into massive traffic AND road work.  Failure.

 

Roll into the parking lot and it is ALREADY 3:40.  I call dentist and explain we are running behind and they huff at me.  I finally just say, we will get there ASAP...just clean whoever you can with time allotted and the rest we will reschedule.  Fine.

 

I walk into the ped office and it is f*ing WALL to WALL people.  Not. Even. Kidding.  FAILURE.  The chick at the front desk hands me a STACK of forms b/c "they switched to a NEW computer system and NOTHING transferred over".  No. Way.  I explain that I am not even sure that we have an appt. time slot...we are just ear check...they should have a note to send us straight back.  She doesn't bat an eye or check but sends me on the way to fill out my paperwork.  At 4:10 when I have asked her AGAIN to check with the nurse who ASSURED me that we would be in and out in time for our 4:00 dentist appt, I am STILL sitting in the waiting room.  6 year old finally just asks if she can walk down stairs and get her teeth cleaned....I figure it is more sanitary so we rush out and down the stairs.  I literally throw her into the dentist office at a NEW set of hygienists and say something like, "We are still waiting upstairs...start with her...we'll be back in a few minutes." and then run out the door.  Failure.  I mean, really?  They should have just called Child Protective Services right there!  FAILURE!

 

Run back into ped's office...we get called back by my sweet nurse (who is APPALLED al my wait) at 4:20 who is FUMING mad at front desk biatches.  We get back and another nurse asks a string of annoying questions...3 year old is screaming like a banshee and climbing on a rolling stool trying to kill himself.  My phone rings...it is the dentist's office asking permission to do x-rays of 6 year old's mouth b/c the hygenist SEES something strange.  Sure....x-ray her up!  Failure. 

 

Ped comes in - laughs at my story - and checks 3 year old's ears.  Fluid filled but not infected.  Wants to see him in 8 weeks to make sure fluid is gone; I laugh and explain he will be back before then with an ear infection, she agrees...says "see you then and we'll refer to ENT after that happens" and I literally RUN out of the door.  FAILURE.

 

Back downstairs, they tell me they can clean 3 yr old's teeth but not me....fine.  I reschedule for Wednesday while 3 yr old is at his little "school".  3 year old end up being a freaking CHAMP at the dentist and acts great.  Teeth look great.  6 yr old's xrays?  FAILURE.  She has TWO cavaties....between molars on each side of her mouth.  I take FULL credit for this.  Yes, she eats too much junk...AND I started letting her brush her own teeth WAY before I let my 8 year old.  And, let's be brutally honest, my 6 year old is LAZY.  Those freaking teeth probably haven't felt a brush in MONTHS.  UGH!  FAILURE.

 

Hubby was at a dinner meeting, so we do 6 year old's homework in the car and then picked up pizza, pick up 8 year old from dance, come home.  I feed everyone; girls bathe in shifts so that I can help the other with homework.  Perfect example of 6 year old's laziness....her shower is approx 30 seconds.  When pressed she finally cops to ONLY using shampoo in her hair -- no conditioner and NO soap or body wash on her body.  AT ALL.  FAILURE!

 

While finishing up homework, 3 year old gets his hands on a water bottle and I say, "Bring that to Mommy, you are going to spill it." To which he responds, by removing the top and dumping all the water on the floor.  Followed by a spanking...and time out in a chair.  FAILURE.

 

While 8 year old showers, I bathe 3 year old...on and on.  Girls practice piano.  I get people in bed 40 min LATE. FAILURE.

 

I get up at 5 a.m. Wednesday morning and exercise....walk up the basement stairs and can hear 3 year old in his room on 2nd floor yelling "Mommy, I need to potty!"  Up I go to get him, yep.... I put him to bed and forgot to put a diaper on him...he wet the bed in the night, though he DID use the potty when he got out of bed.  So, commence to making him shower with me at inconvenient time of a.m. so that he won't smell like urine all day.  FAILURE.

 

Realize that today is the day that local 21 yr old (son of 6 yr old and 8 yr old's piano teacher and 3 yr old's kindermusic teacher) is having his body returned to Oboro.  He was killed in action in Afghanistan....literally the day AFTER this woman's mother passed away.  No joke.  I of course have an effing DENTIST appt (obviously rescheduled from FAILURE on Tuesday) that directly interferes with attending the ceremony at the airport, so I race to a spot right after dentist that I know the motorcade from the airport with make to the funeral home and am KICKING myself that I did not plain ahead ahead and get my kids check out of school so they could stand with me.  Believe me, the motorcade of a fallen soldier is not easily forgotten....I really wish my girls could have experienced that reverence and love.  Failure.  I end up stand on the corner looking like a really BAD streetwalker, hair never got fixed, wearing new exercise clothes, but sloppy nonetheless.  Several business owners and locals are lining the street in different areas around me...I stand there on that corner and bawl like a baby through the entire motorcade.  I can not imagine how that woman is putting one foot in front of the other.  The family's limo actually stopped for a moment in front of us....and I could see her with her big glasses sitting in between her hubby and someone else.  I mean, I was in a state uncontrollable SOBBING.  Failure....just b/c my heart can't even take the THOUGHT of this and she is living it :-(  Look over, and there is a NEWSTEAM with their cameras pointed in my direction.  REALLY???  This motorcade passed SCHOOLS of children standing outside with flags and you are gonna film what looks like a homeless woman (who has taken off her visor and has visor hair) ???  FAILURE!

 

And here there I sat on Wednesday night.  Gross and disgusting!  FAILURE...and I even effing SHOWERED this morning.  WTH?

 

**All the above written was a total play-by-play that I sent via email to a friend about my day.  She told me to replace the word "failure" with "normal" in every sentence.  It's why she is my friend........**

 

Happy day, all!
xoxo Jennifer

 

What's In A Name?

NO!  I have not abandoned the blogosphere! It just seems that somehow raising 3 children is kind of a full time job....and if you saw the disarray of this house you MIGHT wonder what the heck I have been doing with all my "spare time"....I mean "stay at home" moms eat bons bons and watch soap operas right?  No....we do mass anounts of laundry, sweep mass amounts of crumbs, finally give up the fight against the toys that KEEP getting dragged out of the playroom and start drinking alcohol.  So, there....now you know the truth.  Ha!  And just so we are straight, I DVR ANYTHING that I want to watch, except I JUST discovered "Dance Moms" and I am totally disturbed by this show....I am watching this live while typing so when I stray and have punctuation and spelling errors, just forgive me!  Disturbing reality shows just prove that I am SEMI normal.

So I just have to address the fact that having a birthday AND being an active Facebooker is the BEST COMBINATION EVER.  I mean, yes.....getting a REAL card from a friend in person is awesome....but there is just something about getting a string of continuous "Happy Birthday" greetings from ALL kinds of people.  And the best?  Being able to nail EXACTLY how long you have known a person based solely on how that person addresses you in said birthday greeting!   Here are my cases in point:

If you referred to me as "Jennifer" in your birthday greeting:  I can tell one of several things about our friendship....1. you have known me for a long time and never strayed from my actual name.  2.  you have just recently met me and are uncomfortable with all nicknames  3,  we are FB friends....but I am PROBABLY not going to be calling you to bail me out of jail should the occassion arise....not that it ever WILL....but you see  my point.

If you referred to be as "Bean" or any version thereof:  this is easy....you knew me in high school or early college and heard my high school friends calling me this name.  I have several LOVELY young men that I went to high school with to thank for the wide spread panic that is "Bean" -- and no, it does't have ANY good back story.  But it sure does show the longevity of our friendship....and how a few boys in high school can easily brand you with a nickname for life.  Seriously, I met at girl at UK who tried to call me when I was a freshman living in the dorm and could not understand why there was not a "Jennifer Bean" in the UK system.  Yeah...poor girl didn't even know my REAL last name.  She might be reading this blog now....

If you referred to me as "JenKing" or "JK":  Easy....you were probably one of my Theta sorority sisters at UK.  There were too many "Jennifers" around at that time....so I became a shortened version of my first name plus my maiden name.  It has stuck.  And, yep, there are several of you around that I would TOTALLY call to bail me out.....

If you referred to me as "Jen" or "JKH":  you are my post college friends.  Some of my college friends have caved to the JKH...but not most.  Most of you are my neighbors, running buddies, the people that see me at my best and worst on a daily basis.  And, yes, you could very well get a call at 3:00 a.m. from me asking for bail money....I mean, my husband isn't even ON Facebook....someone needs to have my back!!!!!!!!! lol!

If you referred to me as "Mrs. Hayden": ummmmm...please stop!  Bahahaha!  If I have friended you on FB it means that I know you are OLD enough to handle the truth (most likely you are in college...tho a few slipped under my radar early in the FB game)....which also means I think you should refer to me as "Jennifer".  Yes....not calling you for bail money....for goodness sake kids, I TAUGHT YOU!  Yes, my "oldest" class of students are now juniors in college....and youngest are like, what?  Sophomores in high school....freshman?  I am choosing to NOT keep track....I did teach elementary school after all.  But, I will say, any reference to me on my bday really does make me emotional.  Any teacher will tell you that YOU will ALWAYS be my "babies".  Now, please come to my house and explain to MY 3rd and 1st graders that I am NOT the wicked witch hell bent on ruining their lives?  And that YES indeed, I am capable of helping with their homework....Thank you very much!

Any other name you called me....well, who the hell are you people?  No!  I kid!  I  want more and more bday FB wishes.  They ROCK!

And just while we are on the blog topic...y'all are cracking me up with your sweet comments.  Who knew anyone would read this?  Random people stop me in Target, the grocery, at dinner, and talk about reading this.  Cracks me up!  Love it!  And really? ???  Those of you who I used to work with....are you CERTAIN that my blog is REALLY good fodder for Opening Day teacher meeting conversation?  I mean there are young impressionable teachers out there in your school....think carefully before you corrupt them with my blog.  Just sayin'!

Love to all!
xoxo Jennifer