So, after having two little girls...I was blessed to complete our family with baby #3, a boy. That was nearly 4 years ago (time really does fly!). And I knew from the get-go...from all the things that my friends had told me...that "Boys are different! Just you wait!" Yes, there have been the typical things that I anticipated that make my son different to raise from my girls: jumping off furniture or any high place for no apparent reason, a "no fear" approach to daily life, a desire to spend a LOT of time outside even in 100 degree heat. But, there have been LOTS of surprises along the way...things that I just can not and probably will not ever understand. This is what we shall discuss today, you guys feel free to add to my list b/c I am just finally sitting down to write this off the cuff and KNOW that I will miss a lot of funny stuff that boys, in general, do:
1. When my girls were born, I most certainly had an overwhelming love and protective sense that kicked in. But I remember a friend telling me, "Oh...just you wait...when you finally hold that little boy and look down at him...you will make a promise to him that the FIRST mean girls who breaks his heart is gonna PAY. That you will protect him from all the mean, manipulative things that girls do....that you will chase that girl down and threaten her - or worse - if need be." And I gotta say, yep, I will. She was right. So, future girlfriends of my son...this is your fair warning. Be nice to my boy. I had no idea he would have this affect on me.
2. Potty training: what....the...heck? Well, there are just no words. No one really prepared a mom who has raised two girls about how to go about this whole potty training a boy business. First problem: do you start with them sitting or standing? We started with the sit...and he learned relatively quickly, which was great. BUT, somehow, I am really do not KNOW how....he could still manage to shoot pee STRAIGHT between the toilet seat crack and hit me, himself, the wall, the floor, and anything else in a 10 foot range. Ok...that is a failure. So, we moved on to trying the stand and pee. HA!
a. Little boys have big bellies and tiny little penises...ones they can not really properly see or grab to aim. Hence more firehosing the bathroom. b. During this endeavor is when I discovered that my son was not the kid who could just stand with his hands on his hips in front of the toilet and the pee actually hit the mark. Yep...the stream literally shoots like a LASER beam, and at break neck speed, it shoots up and to the left. WHAT? Of course, I am all certain we need to see a urologist...this is just NOT right. Even my hubby says, "What is UP with that thing? Even I can't help him aim it....it's like a craps shoot! Who knows where the pee is gonna come from and end up??" HA! So, I call my friend (mom of 3...soon to be 4....boys) and express my concerns about my lil guy's business. Her astute observation went something like this: "Jennifer, there are varying degrees of normal. Get over it. Take him outside and have him pee without touching his penis. If the pee stream does not hit him in the face, you are good to go." Oh, really? Huh. Who knew? So, yes, we did this. No pee to the face, so we are banking that we are just in the range of normal. At this point I am just hoping that as an adult...you know... body parts lengthen and get lowered so that the stream is even a bit CLOSER to normal. So, we still must sit to pee (unless a large urinal is available) - the snafu is that he will NOT aim it DOWN. I actually was in the middle of cooking dinner when he said he REALLY had to go to the bathroom. I asked one of his older sisters to take him...and said, "Just tell him to aim his penis down" They were within earshot and when she told him to do this his reaction was priceless and one of complete shock, "What? I am not touching my penis. That's disgusting!" Mmhmm...we'll see about that in a few more years.
3. Which brings us to our next conundrum: Are boys BORN knowing to watch TV with their hands down their pants? On any given day, during his TV time, you can find my son laying in front of the tv in one of two positions. The first I call "business-like"...hands folded behind his head, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles. He looks a little like I would imagine a skinny Donald Trump would look like if he were laying on the beach getting ready to "Fire" someone. The second is the Al Bundy. Feet still crossed at ankles and BOTH hands (not one) down the front of his pants. NO one taught him this exquisite skill...he just discovered it all on his own. Classy.
4. I never knew so many every day household items could become weapons....spoons, books, wooden train tracks, and even fairy wands that belong to the girls can easily become swords, lightsabers, guns. There is always a fight between good and evil in this house...someone is always sword fighting or getting tackled or beaten up. And my son is just pushing 4...I am prettty sure this is going to get a lot worse before it gets channeled through organized sports!
5. Monochromatic Man: I will not take credit for this title. I discussed this boy issue with my pediatrician ( a good friend) and she had coined the phrase. But, since then, I have discovered that our boys are not the ONLY ones that suffer from this problem. Here is the deal: if my son puts on blue shorts, he wants a blue shirt. See? Blue and blue matches. It does not matter the SHADE of blue...or the fact that it does not at ALL match...the the top is one color the bottom must be in that same color spectrum. It is hilarious. Red on red. Orange on orange. I rarely fight this battle...and did not fight it the day we were at the peditrician's office where she got to see the blue on blue he had chosen that day. I said, "Obviously I let him dress himself today." And her quick reponse was, "Well, obvisouly ... because blue and blue matches." Her son does the same thing. And my other friend just sent me a pic of her son at tennis clinc...he had obviously dressed himself...and she just titled it "monochromatic man". Yep....blue from head to toe. Us moms have to pick our battles...but now we at least have an idea that lots of men are fashionably inept from birth.
With all the crazy that comes from this little man in my house...there also comes a LOT of love. He loves his mommy (at least for now) with a love that can't be compared. I am a lucky gal, indeed!
I know I am missing a ton of "What the Heck?"s where boys are concerned, y'all fell free to fill in my blanks! :-)
Have a great day all!
xoxo
