I do not care what you say...church directory pictures are a DISASTER waiting to happen. The last time my church had directory pictures, I never even bothered to go and pick up a directory. I wanted NO reminder of how horrid that picture was (yes, Stephanie, I am FULLY expecting you to now dig that bastard up and post it to FB...bring it...it will only prove my point!). Here's what I remember about that picture session:
It was LOOOOOONG... we had to wait to get the pics taken, we had to wait to see the pictures, we had 2 children who were NOT cooperative, we were getting our pictures taken in WINTER and were paler than pale, we had to choose a picture that was heinous of everyone because it was the only one where we were all looking at the camera. I remember I looked like a freaking whale in the picture. Olan Mills was in charge -- nothing against Olan Mills...but it was bad, bad, bad. Haven't we ALL see the viral emails "Bad Family Pics" that are ALL from old Olan Mills pictures. And, the bottomline is that I did not want to even KEEP a copy of that directory in my house. Never picked one up...just figured I would learn people's faces AT CHURCH. FYI: I am still surprised when I hear someone I didn't know was a member of my church MENTION being a member...there are too many masses and some I never attend (7 am or Sunday nights? Nope...not seeing those crews...). So, yeah, still "learning" who all goes to my church (the church I have gone to my whole Catholic life, was married in, etc....)
Cut to 2012...The Year of the Church Directory. Yep, it's that time again.
Ho boy. So....let's start with aesthetics. Last week was Spring Break. So, actually, it is GREAT timing for church pics. Most people are all sunkissed...if they did not go to Florida or another sunny, beachy destination, the weather here in Kentucky was UH-MAZING for most of the week. So everyone is looking fine...not like the walking dead. That is...everyone except US. You see, if you have read ANY of my blogs, you know one thing....vacation = illness for our family. This break was no exception. My 7 year old got a heinous stomach virus...started getting sick on Monday and was in the hospital by Thursday. She stayed in the hospital on IV and anti-nausea meds for 48 hours...before returning home just in time for Easter, but still on meds. She missed her first day back to school because she was still recouping...and even when I sent her to school on Tuesday she was still as WHITE as a ghost. Paler than pale. And, since SHE was inside all week...we all were. So, I am pale, 3 year old is pale, 9 year old is pale. Only tan person in this house is my avid golfing hubby who is tan year-round.
Aesthetic problem #2: I have a 3 year old BOY. Boy...you heard that, right??? Yea, he ALWAYS has cuts, bruises, scrapes, stitches, etc. in visible areas. Well, this day is no different. Two days before the pics, he and big sister are running in the house (there is a rule against that, no???) and evidently there is an incident involving big sister and a kick and a "HI-YA!"...that ends with a goose egg/bruise/bledding scrape on the center of his forehead. Sweet.
OK, so onto picture day! I forge ahead with children who do not like their clothing options, hair options, do not want to stop watching Curious George to leave the house... we come to find that Olan Mills is indeed back to "making our magic happen". And that, again, they do not care that we have 3 small (including one VERY uncooperative 3 year old) children...they are going to take their old sweet time AND take 6 million pics. REALLY? Yep, really. AND they want us to wait to see them/choose the directory pic. AND they want to press the hard sale...you know the 16x20 canvas wall portrait (No, thank you, Olan Mills). I just want to pick out the horrid picture and go eat dinner!!!!!!
Note the last thing I said was "go eat dinner"...evidently I think this a LOT b/c I looked like a freaking puffed out/bloated frog in those pictures. I mean, it is bad when you get home and your husband says, "That scarf just blended into your paleness and made you look all puffy in the face." Excellent. Another one for the record books. And lesson learned...no scarves in pics.
So, when we finally drive it home to the sales guy that NO we are NOT getting any pictures and pick our directory photo...he asks if we want to pay the extra $16 for "touch ups" -- it will take out our blemishes, any coloring that is off, AND will air-brush out 3 year old's forehead mishap. My husband's response? "Um...no. That's HIS problem!"
Yep...yep it is. And it will be his problem in the church directory for another 5 years...poor banged up kid sitting on bloated Mommy's lap. Guess I will skip picking up the directory again. Either that, or I pick one up and search for pics that MUST be worse that ours....
Much love!
Have a great day, all!
xoxo Jennifer
