Well, thanks to my lovely stepsister...I found new inspiration for writing this blog. Not that I had FORGOTTEN the blog...it's just that time of year where there are 9 million things to do and about 3 days to do them in. BUT, my step sis forwarded me a blog post from "People I Want to Punch in the Throat" (or some variation thereof)....and that was it! The woman who writes this blog is genius. She nailed it. Yep...I too want to punch the "over achiving elf on the shelf moms" in the throat (mainly just because I forget to MOVE my elf unless they post a picture of what THEIR elf is doing on Facebook before I go to bed at night). Yep...I too could write a really flipping funny "Christmas newsletter" to go with my Christmas card....again people who deserve a good punch will write you one...just you wait. And so on and so forth.
So, here in this Christmas season...where we should be focusing our minds and hearts on the greatest gift of all....Jesus and God's love...I find myself making a mental list of "people I would like to punch in the throat"
1. Anyone who cuts in line in front of me at the double laned McDonald's drive thru. YES, this is VERY red neck of me. And I am OK with that... my 3 yr old has multiple food allergies, so McD's is pretty allergen friendly and we are there OFTEN. Get over it. This also means that I know the RULES of the two laned drive thru. Here they are: there is a POINT in the line where a car chooses to take the outside lane or inside line....WAIT until you get to that point. It is REALLLLLLY uncool to pass 10 cars who have been patiently waiting just to zip around and take the outside lane. I am cursing you in my car, LOUDLY, when you do this. Truth.
2. Anyone who struggles with the concept of sarcasm. I have long held that Facebook should have a "sarcasm font"....it is obvious that sarcasm is a dieing art. And you know what? I MASTERED in sarcasm...so this leaves me in AWKWARD positions a lot. I am just having to put *sarcasm* after my posts and comments now...which really takes away the magic of a good one liner.
3. Anyone who is overly PC. Can't take it people. There are too many holidays to remember...too many correct ethnicities to properly title. I do the best I can. Some of my best friends are of varying religions...varying ethnicities....I love them just as much as anyone else. Forgive me if I mess up from time to time.
4. Anyone who says, "I don't exercise...I just have good metabolism". Well....Good. For. You. Come have a talk with my jeans which are all currently TOO TIGHT...and see what you can do to my metabolism. I can work out like a maniac, train for a half marathon, get a stomach virus and sinus infection simultaneously, not eat for two days, and GAIN 2 lbs. Screw you, metabolism freaks.
5. Anyone who "occupies". I laughed and laughed and laughed for days when I first saw the "Occupy Owensboro" people on the corner of Frederica and Parrish. There were 4 people (maybe...I might be rounding up). When I drove past that corner a few months later and there were STILL a few stragglers, I laughed even harder. The signs are so helter skelter... "Save our schools" ; "People Not Money".... so on. I am pretty sure that if you corner 4 different "occupiers" that all 4 would tell you they are picketing diffferent (totally unrelated...and maybe even conflicting) points of view. I would like to know how many of these occupiers are active voters...and if so, for how many years have they been active voters? Are they politically active in their communities? Showing up a city/county govt. meetings??? I am going out on a limb here people....I am gonna say "NO!" Nope they are not.
6. Anyone who does not set their privacy settings on Facebook. I just do not get this. If you do not set your privacy settings, then EVERYTHING you post on your wall, pictures, etc. is viewable to the public. What is the point in having "friends" if everyone on God's green Earth can see what you write? You are opening youself up to creepers...like ME. I am a total creeper. I mean, there is nothing better than accidentally stumbling onto a person's page who you do not know at all and can see everything....their pics...their captions. Love it. Guys, you are becoming a huge time burglar of mine. Lock your FB pages, please....stop tempting me to see what weirdness you are up to today.
7. Anyone who is a creeper on Facebook...which when thought about in light of the #6 becomes a real oxymoron. But, I am obsessed with making sure that my FB page is locked down tight....so if you are not a FB friend of mine, try getting onto my page...and inbox me to let me know if you see anything. I will have to try, once again, to figure out how to hide myself from anyone that I do NOT want creeping.
8. Anyone with an uncluttered house. Basically this is just because I am jealous. VERY jealous. I can not escape clutter. I am buried in clutter (not like hoarders...but there is DEFINITELY a huge amount of CRAP in this house that needs to hit the skids...or the trash...or St. Vincent de Paul).
9. Anyone who is a successful multi-tasker. I try . I really do. But, I fail. Miserably. I am like an ADHD kid without their meds when I try to do too much. OK, let me address these Christmas cards ... wow look at all those dishes in the sink, let me load those in the dishwasher... crap the dishwasher is full....oh, I have laundry that needs to be put in the dryer....wow, clothes in the dryer...but laundry basket is full, must put away clean laundry first...wait...why is that dry cleaning hanging there? OH! Costume return for the show the kids were just in is TODAY...if I don't take it now I will have to pay a late fee...crap! And look at the time...I am late the the kids' Christmas program at school. Look, a shiny object! Chirstmas cards, what Christmas cards????? You see what I mean.
10. Anyone who refers to another city as "---Vegas". I have never been to Las Vegas...but I am pretty sure that NO place within a 3 hour drive of my little city in Kentucky is worthy of a "Vegas" tag line. I feel very confident in saying that.
I could go on...but like I said...this is the season to focus on your PATIENCE with others...to focus on LOVE...to focus on CHARITY and GIVING. In the process, I will try not to punch anyone in the throat. And to the blogger who came up with that inspirational blog...I THANK YOU. I am back, BABY! LOL!
Much love to you all!
xoxo
Friday, December 16, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
I should have been a doctor....
First, let's start with the fact that I am relatively certain no one is EVER going to see this blog. I typically link it to FB and now I can't find a darned THING on Facebook. So, good luck everyone! And if you found this, well....send me a tutorial as to how to find it myself. Jeesh.
So, yeah. I have been thinking. I should have been a doctor. Not certain at this point what KIND would benefit me best, but some sort of medical training would be of great help around this joint.
I realize that I am supremely lucky to have healthy, happy children...no one has a chronic or life threatening/changing condition, but that being said, if you looked at my children's dr. appt schedule in the upcoming weeks you would not believe it. So...proof:
Monday, Sept 26: both girls appt. for flu mist
Tuesday, Sept., 27: 6 year old getting cavity filled
Wednesday, Sept 28: 3 year old goes to allergist for his flu shot (allergic to eggs...and flu shot is egg based, must be administered by allergist) AND 8 year old getting cavity filled (quit judging our oral hygiene! I can feel the judgment from here.)
Wednesday, Oct. 5: 3 year old has post-op with ENT for anenoidectomy/ear tubes
Thursday, Oct. 6: 8 year old goes to periodontist for consultation...gum surgery already emminent.
Thursday, Oct. 13: 8 year old goes for 3-D x-ray/CAT scan of teeth...more baby teeth are def getting pulled adult teeth most likely extracted but oral surgeon needs to have a clear picture of what's in there before diving in with the scalpel.
Now, all this is barring the fact that at LEAST ONE of my kids WILL fall ill sometime in the next month, despite the amount of hand washing and hand sanitizer used. AND the fact that two of the above dr. appts are JUST consultations that WILL lead to surgeries/braces/etc. AND, we still have a life to live that involves homework, dance, piano, etc. I mean, really, I spent 4 years in undergrad and another 2 solid while working to get my masters and ANOTHER 2 solid years while working to get my Rank 1 all in elementary ed. I could have an MD by now, right? And really, by the time you have been through 3 kids, you can diagnose PRETTY close anyway. Send me an otoscope to check ears and a strep test kit and I am good to go!
It's a really good thing that I love each and every one of my kids' doctors....that they are good friends of ours...and will not mind when I t.p. their houses after getting a bill that pays for their new "guest wing".
I JOKE!
Love to you all! Have a great day!!!!!!!
xoxo Jennifer
So, yeah. I have been thinking. I should have been a doctor. Not certain at this point what KIND would benefit me best, but some sort of medical training would be of great help around this joint.
I realize that I am supremely lucky to have healthy, happy children...no one has a chronic or life threatening/changing condition, but that being said, if you looked at my children's dr. appt schedule in the upcoming weeks you would not believe it. So...proof:
Monday, Sept 26: both girls appt. for flu mist
Tuesday, Sept., 27: 6 year old getting cavity filled
Wednesday, Sept 28: 3 year old goes to allergist for his flu shot (allergic to eggs...and flu shot is egg based, must be administered by allergist) AND 8 year old getting cavity filled (quit judging our oral hygiene! I can feel the judgment from here.)
Wednesday, Oct. 5: 3 year old has post-op with ENT for anenoidectomy/ear tubes
Thursday, Oct. 6: 8 year old goes to periodontist for consultation...gum surgery already emminent.
Thursday, Oct. 13: 8 year old goes for 3-D x-ray/CAT scan of teeth...more baby teeth are def getting pulled adult teeth most likely extracted but oral surgeon needs to have a clear picture of what's in there before diving in with the scalpel.
Now, all this is barring the fact that at LEAST ONE of my kids WILL fall ill sometime in the next month, despite the amount of hand washing and hand sanitizer used. AND the fact that two of the above dr. appts are JUST consultations that WILL lead to surgeries/braces/etc. AND, we still have a life to live that involves homework, dance, piano, etc. I mean, really, I spent 4 years in undergrad and another 2 solid while working to get my masters and ANOTHER 2 solid years while working to get my Rank 1 all in elementary ed. I could have an MD by now, right? And really, by the time you have been through 3 kids, you can diagnose PRETTY close anyway. Send me an otoscope to check ears and a strep test kit and I am good to go!
It's a really good thing that I love each and every one of my kids' doctors....that they are good friends of ours...and will not mind when I t.p. their houses after getting a bill that pays for their new "guest wing".
I JOKE!
Love to you all! Have a great day!!!!!!!
xoxo Jennifer
Thursday, September 8, 2011
FAIL!
Failure xs 1000! I feel like I am like a tremendous failure over and over again. Ugh.
Here is my life in a nutshell....my Tuesday: Get girls to school. Rush through the grocery store. Call dr. office while we are there to try and get an appt for 3 yr. old to have his ears rechecked....suspect he is still infected which means 2nd set of tubes. The dr. office hems and haws and finally says the ONLY timeslot they can give me is 3:30...I explain that is FINE, but we HAVE to be IN and OUT b/c 6 yr old, 3 year old, and I all have dentist appts to have our teeth cleaned (same building, different office) at 4:00. No prob they say....will place a note of up front for us to be "sent back immediately". My 8 year old has dance from 3:45-5:45 but I resign myself that she can just go early with a snack and homework and sit there for 25 min until her class starts.
First failure, the bus is 20 min LATE. Seriously? 20 min???? The bus driver "wanted to do a new seating chart"...how 'bout you do that at HOME beforehand....you DO have the list of potential riders. There went ANY wiggle room b/c as a mom 20 min = a LIFETIME. I am rushing children in the door...throwing 8 yr old into her dance stuff and getting her hair in a bun (required this dance year); brushing 6 yr old's teeth; waking 3 yr old from nap and brushing his teeth; etc....throwing people into the van.
On the way to drop 8 yr old at dance, it is apparent that we are going to be late for everything EXCEPT her dance. Drop her...race on to dr. Run into massive traffic AND road work. Failure.
Roll into the parking lot and it is ALREADY 3:40. I call dentist and explain we are running behind and they huff at me. I finally just say, we will get there ASAP...just clean whoever you can with time allotted and the rest we will reschedule. Fine.
I walk into the ped office and it is f*ing WALL to WALL people. Not. Even. Kidding. FAILURE. The chick at the front desk hands me a STACK of forms b/c "they switched to a NEW computer system and NOTHING transferred over". No. Way. I explain that I am not even sure that we have an appt. time slot...we are just ear check...they should have a note to send us straight back. She doesn't bat an eye or check but sends me on the way to fill out my paperwork. At 4:10 when I have asked her AGAIN to check with the nurse who ASSURED me that we would be in and out in time for our 4:00 dentist appt, I am STILL sitting in the waiting room. 6 year old finally just asks if she can walk down stairs and get her teeth cleaned....I figure it is more sanitary so we rush out and down the stairs. I literally throw her into the dentist office at a NEW set of hygienists and say something like, "We are still waiting upstairs...start with her...we'll be back in a few minutes." and then run out the door. Failure. I mean, really? They should have just called Child Protective Services right there! FAILURE!
Run back into ped's office...we get called back by my sweet nurse (who is APPALLED al my wait) at 4:20 who is FUMING mad at front desk biatches. We get back and another nurse asks a string of annoying questions...3 year old is screaming like a banshee and climbing on a rolling stool trying to kill himself. My phone rings...it is the dentist's office asking permission to do x-rays of 6 year old's mouth b/c the hygenist SEES something strange. Sure....x-ray her up! Failure.
Ped comes in - laughs at my story - and checks 3 year old's ears. Fluid filled but not infected. Wants to see him in 8 weeks to make sure fluid is gone; I laugh and explain he will be back before then with an ear infection, she agrees...says "see you then and we'll refer to ENT after that happens" and I literally RUN out of the door. FAILURE.
Back downstairs, they tell me they can clean 3 yr old's teeth but not me....fine. I reschedule for Wednesday while 3 yr old is at his little "school". 3 year old end up being a freaking CHAMP at the dentist and acts great. Teeth look great. 6 yr old's xrays? FAILURE. She has TWO cavaties....between molars on each side of her mouth. I take FULL credit for this. Yes, she eats too much junk...AND I started letting her brush her own teeth WAY before I let my 8 year old. And, let's be brutally honest, my 6 year old is LAZY. Those freaking teeth probably haven't felt a brush in MONTHS. UGH! FAILURE.
Hubby was at a dinner meeting, so we do 6 year old's homework in the car and then picked up pizza, pick up 8 year old from dance, come home. I feed everyone; girls bathe in shifts so that I can help the other with homework. Perfect example of 6 year old's laziness....her shower is approx 30 seconds. When pressed she finally cops to ONLY using shampoo in her hair -- no conditioner and NO soap or body wash on her body. AT ALL. FAILURE!
While finishing up homework, 3 year old gets his hands on a water bottle and I say, "Bring that to Mommy, you are going to spill it." To which he responds, by removing the top and dumping all the water on the floor. Followed by a spanking...and time out in a chair. FAILURE.
While 8 year old showers, I bathe 3 year old...on and on. Girls practice piano. I get people in bed 40 min LATE. FAILURE.
I get up at 5 a.m. Wednesday morning and exercise....walk up the basement stairs and can hear 3 year old in his room on 2nd floor yelling "Mommy, I need to potty!" Up I go to get him, yep.... I put him to bed and forgot to put a diaper on him...he wet the bed in the night, though he DID use the potty when he got out of bed. So, commence to making him shower with me at inconvenient time of a.m. so that he won't smell like urine all day. FAILURE.
Realize that today is the day that local 21 yr old (son of 6 yr old and 8 yr old's piano teacher and 3 yr old's kindermusic teacher) is having his body returned to Oboro. He was killed in action in Afghanistan....literally the day AFTER this woman's mother passed away. No joke. I of course have an effing DENTIST appt (obviously rescheduled from FAILURE on Tuesday) that directly interferes with attending the ceremony at the airport, so I race to a spot right after dentist that I know the motorcade from the airport with make to the funeral home and am KICKING myself that I did not plain ahead ahead and get my kids check out of school so they could stand with me. Believe me, the motorcade of a fallen soldier is not easily forgotten....I really wish my girls could have experienced that reverence and love. Failure. I end up stand on the corner looking like a really BAD streetwalker, hair never got fixed, wearing new exercise clothes, but sloppy nonetheless. Several business owners and locals are lining the street in different areas around me...I stand there on that corner and bawl like a baby through the entire motorcade. I can not imagine how that woman is putting one foot in front of the other. The family's limo actually stopped for a moment in front of us....and I could see her with her big glasses sitting in between her hubby and someone else. I mean, I was in a state uncontrollable SOBBING. Failure....just b/c my heart can't even take the THOUGHT of this and she is living it :-( Look over, and there is a NEWSTEAM with their cameras pointed in my direction. REALLY??? This motorcade passed SCHOOLS of children standing outside with flags and you are gonna film what looks like a homeless woman (who has taken off her visor and has visor hair) ??? FAILURE!
And here there I sat on Wednesday night. Gross and disgusting! FAILURE...and I even effing SHOWERED this morning. WTH?
**All the above written was a total play-by-play that I sent via email to a friend about my day. She told me to replace the word "failure" with "normal" in every sentence. It's why she is my friend........**
Happy day, all!
xoxo Jennifer
xoxo Jennifer
Monday, September 5, 2011
What's In A Name?
NO! I have not abandoned the blogosphere! It just seems that somehow raising 3 children is kind of a full time job....and if you saw the disarray of this house you MIGHT wonder what the heck I have been doing with all my "spare time"....I mean "stay at home" moms eat bons bons and watch soap operas right? No....we do mass anounts of laundry, sweep mass amounts of crumbs, finally give up the fight against the toys that KEEP getting dragged out of the playroom and start drinking alcohol. So, there....now you know the truth. Ha! And just so we are straight, I DVR ANYTHING that I want to watch, except I JUST discovered "Dance Moms" and I am totally disturbed by this show....I am watching this live while typing so when I stray and have punctuation and spelling errors, just forgive me! Disturbing reality shows just prove that I am SEMI normal.
So I just have to address the fact that having a birthday AND being an active Facebooker is the BEST COMBINATION EVER. I mean, yes.....getting a REAL card from a friend in person is awesome....but there is just something about getting a string of continuous "Happy Birthday" greetings from ALL kinds of people. And the best? Being able to nail EXACTLY how long you have known a person based solely on how that person addresses you in said birthday greeting! Here are my cases in point:
If you referred to me as "Jennifer" in your birthday greeting: I can tell one of several things about our friendship....1. you have known me for a long time and never strayed from my actual name. 2. you have just recently met me and are uncomfortable with all nicknames 3, we are FB friends....but I am PROBABLY not going to be calling you to bail me out of jail should the occassion arise....not that it ever WILL....but you see my point.
If you referred to be as "Bean" or any version thereof: this is easy....you knew me in high school or early college and heard my high school friends calling me this name. I have several LOVELY young men that I went to high school with to thank for the wide spread panic that is "Bean" -- and no, it does't have ANY good back story. But it sure does show the longevity of our friendship....and how a few boys in high school can easily brand you with a nickname for life. Seriously, I met at girl at UK who tried to call me when I was a freshman living in the dorm and could not understand why there was not a "Jennifer Bean" in the UK system. Yeah...poor girl didn't even know my REAL last name. She might be reading this blog now....
If you referred to me as "JenKing" or "JK": Easy....you were probably one of my Theta sorority sisters at UK. There were too many "Jennifers" around at that time....so I became a shortened version of my first name plus my maiden name. It has stuck. And, yep, there are several of you around that I would TOTALLY call to bail me out.....
If you referred to me as "Jen" or "JKH": you are my post college friends. Some of my college friends have caved to the JKH...but not most. Most of you are my neighbors, running buddies, the people that see me at my best and worst on a daily basis. And, yes, you could very well get a call at 3:00 a.m. from me asking for bail money....I mean, my husband isn't even ON Facebook....someone needs to have my back!!!!!!!!! lol!
If you referred to me as "Mrs. Hayden": ummmmm...please stop! Bahahaha! If I have friended you on FB it means that I know you are OLD enough to handle the truth (most likely you are in college...tho a few slipped under my radar early in the FB game)....which also means I think you should refer to me as "Jennifer". Yes....not calling you for bail money....for goodness sake kids, I TAUGHT YOU! Yes, my "oldest" class of students are now juniors in college....and youngest are like, what? Sophomores in high school....freshman? I am choosing to NOT keep track....I did teach elementary school after all. But, I will say, any reference to me on my bday really does make me emotional. Any teacher will tell you that YOU will ALWAYS be my "babies". Now, please come to my house and explain to MY 3rd and 1st graders that I am NOT the wicked witch hell bent on ruining their lives? And that YES indeed, I am capable of helping with their homework....Thank you very much!
Any other name you called me....well, who the hell are you people? No! I kid! I want more and more bday FB wishes. They ROCK!
And just while we are on the blog topic...y'all are cracking me up with your sweet comments. Who knew anyone would read this? Random people stop me in Target, the grocery, at dinner, and talk about reading this. Cracks me up! Love it! And really? ??? Those of you who I used to work with....are you CERTAIN that my blog is REALLY good fodder for Opening Day teacher meeting conversation? I mean there are young impressionable teachers out there in your school....think carefully before you corrupt them with my blog. Just sayin'!
Love to all!
xoxo Jennifer
So I just have to address the fact that having a birthday AND being an active Facebooker is the BEST COMBINATION EVER. I mean, yes.....getting a REAL card from a friend in person is awesome....but there is just something about getting a string of continuous "Happy Birthday" greetings from ALL kinds of people. And the best? Being able to nail EXACTLY how long you have known a person based solely on how that person addresses you in said birthday greeting! Here are my cases in point:
If you referred to me as "Jennifer" in your birthday greeting: I can tell one of several things about our friendship....1. you have known me for a long time and never strayed from my actual name. 2. you have just recently met me and are uncomfortable with all nicknames 3, we are FB friends....but I am PROBABLY not going to be calling you to bail me out of jail should the occassion arise....not that it ever WILL....but you see my point.
If you referred to be as "Bean" or any version thereof: this is easy....you knew me in high school or early college and heard my high school friends calling me this name. I have several LOVELY young men that I went to high school with to thank for the wide spread panic that is "Bean" -- and no, it does't have ANY good back story. But it sure does show the longevity of our friendship....and how a few boys in high school can easily brand you with a nickname for life. Seriously, I met at girl at UK who tried to call me when I was a freshman living in the dorm and could not understand why there was not a "Jennifer Bean" in the UK system. Yeah...poor girl didn't even know my REAL last name. She might be reading this blog now....
If you referred to me as "JenKing" or "JK": Easy....you were probably one of my Theta sorority sisters at UK. There were too many "Jennifers" around at that time....so I became a shortened version of my first name plus my maiden name. It has stuck. And, yep, there are several of you around that I would TOTALLY call to bail me out.....
If you referred to me as "Jen" or "JKH": you are my post college friends. Some of my college friends have caved to the JKH...but not most. Most of you are my neighbors, running buddies, the people that see me at my best and worst on a daily basis. And, yes, you could very well get a call at 3:00 a.m. from me asking for bail money....I mean, my husband isn't even ON Facebook....someone needs to have my back!!!!!!!!! lol!
If you referred to me as "Mrs. Hayden": ummmmm...please stop! Bahahaha! If I have friended you on FB it means that I know you are OLD enough to handle the truth (most likely you are in college...tho a few slipped under my radar early in the FB game)....which also means I think you should refer to me as "Jennifer". Yes....not calling you for bail money....for goodness sake kids, I TAUGHT YOU! Yes, my "oldest" class of students are now juniors in college....and youngest are like, what? Sophomores in high school....freshman? I am choosing to NOT keep track....I did teach elementary school after all. But, I will say, any reference to me on my bday really does make me emotional. Any teacher will tell you that YOU will ALWAYS be my "babies". Now, please come to my house and explain to MY 3rd and 1st graders that I am NOT the wicked witch hell bent on ruining their lives? And that YES indeed, I am capable of helping with their homework....Thank you very much!
Any other name you called me....well, who the hell are you people? No! I kid! I want more and more bday FB wishes. They ROCK!
And just while we are on the blog topic...y'all are cracking me up with your sweet comments. Who knew anyone would read this? Random people stop me in Target, the grocery, at dinner, and talk about reading this. Cracks me up! Love it! And really? ??? Those of you who I used to work with....are you CERTAIN that my blog is REALLY good fodder for Opening Day teacher meeting conversation? I mean there are young impressionable teachers out there in your school....think carefully before you corrupt them with my blog. Just sayin'!
Love to all!
xoxo Jennifer
Monday, August 8, 2011
Clinging to Sanity...By a Thread
I hate to say this. I know that I am supposed to love summer in all its glory...but I have started the countdown to the first day of school (that would be this Wednesday, less than 48 hours away...). As much as I love my children and wouldn't trade them for the world, they need to GO somewhere, preferrably AWAY from me. And this whole idea that I wouldn't trade them for the world, I am afraid that they have caught onto this unconditional love thing and are playing it up to the highest degree. Maybe it WOULDN'T be SO bad for them to have a little piece of their minds thinking, "Hmmm....if the travel agency called and offered an all expense paid month long trip to Fiji in exchange for us, would she actually DO it and GO?" I mean, the fear of that would have to work at least a LITTLE in my favor, right?
We start out these last two grand school-free days with a trip to Wal-Mart. It MUST be done....with three kids in tow...to purchase groceries for healthy meals this week, healthy lunches that will be packed, donations for the church picnic, and paraphenalia for my little man's 3rd birthday party that will probably be Sunday - actual bday is Thursday. (No, I have done NOTHING in preparation. He's THREE people. Not 16. And it will only be family....they don't really care.) My girls, despite waking up on the WRONG side of the bed, were really pretty good at WalMart.....I do think that my nearly 3 year old son drank a Red Bull before we headed out though. He was wearing a baseball cap (his insistence) and about 1/3 of the way thru the store began beating me with it...then beating his sisters with it....then throwing it into/out of the cart...pulling it over his eyes and growling/yelling "I am a scary monster!" at the top of his voice. I ended up with that hat strapped to my purse. Next came the throwing of food items in the cart....at his sisters or out of the cart all together. This was followed by a checkout experience that ended with him launching his crocs at other checkout lanes/his sisters/display items. Good times.
We come home long enough to unload and put away groceries. It is then time to head to church to drop off picnic donations. Vince is upstairs playing. When he refuses to come downstairs to leave, I know what's what. I find him sitting in his sister's closet playing with dolls and sitting with a diaper full of poo. When I ask what in the world he is doing, he matter-of-factly answers, "Hiding, so I could poop." Oh, the honesty. I clean him up, talk about my disappointment and how he needs to be a big boy...off we head to church.
The girls argue the WHOLE way to church and lose their "priviledge" to help me carry items into the church office. I mean, really, arguring the enture way TO God's house really does not seem deserving of much short of a good long time in the confessional booth.
We come home and eat lunch. My nearly 3 yr old takes 2 bites of his food, gives me his shifty "catch me if you can!" eyes, and bolts up the stairs. To answer the question before it arises, YES, we DID have a gate at the bottom of the stairs, but when he began scaling it in 2 seconds flat using death-defying tactics, we were forced to take it down. I decide, "Fine. He is going down for a nap soon enough so that we can take a late afternoon trip to the pool, I don't CARE if he goes to bed hungry...." and do not chase after him (b/c really, he just sees this as a game anyway). A few minutes later, he comes down wearing only his t-shirt (which is now wet) and diaper...and carrying a new pair of shorts from his closet. When I ask what is up he says, "Well, I made a mess....and I pooped....so I need to wear THESE shorts instead." Grrrrreat. Yes, he did sneek in poo #2....and when I got upstairs I was equally surprised with MORE fun. He had evidentally gotten a chair of some sort and used it to get up to his changing table area. He had dumped all the diapers, all creams/medicines that were in the basket, had found the old bottle of rubbing alcohol I used to disinfect rectal thermometers with, and opened it....then poured it all over the (*@&*#&(!@@ changing table, I. Was. Livid.
I got him cleaned up, then had him sit in time out (I kept referring to it as his punishment) and watch ME clean up the rest of the mess. THEN, took his hand and lead him down stairs...made him sit at the table where he then cleaned his plate of every morsel of food....I am pretty sure he thought this was part of his punishment. Mainly b/c every time I told him to do something "Sit in the chair while I clean this up." or "Go sit at your spot in the kitchen." He followed by asking, "Why?" and I would respond. "Because you are being punished." To this he would reply, "It's OK, Mommy. I will not get punishment again." Yeah....right. Can I get that signed and notaraized, please?
Now that things are quiet here in the house, I am able to see more clearly that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. My kids NEED space from one another and me. We will pool it up this afternoon....and then the girls and I will have a girl day tomorrow when we send little man to the sitter's for one last day to blow it out and have fun.
It is important to note that when my girls start school on Wednesday-Thursday-Friday....my (by then) 3 year old WILL start potty training. So, I am just jumping from one fire to the next....but I am very open minded about this process (ie: he might not want ANY part of this...so we will try again in a few months)....but I will tell you right now, your prayers for my sanity would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day everyone! And if summer is coming to an end for you soon, do try to enjoy these last few days with your kids....even if it is while you are dodging my kid's crocs at WalMart ;-)
xoxo Jennifer
We start out these last two grand school-free days with a trip to Wal-Mart. It MUST be done....with three kids in tow...to purchase groceries for healthy meals this week, healthy lunches that will be packed, donations for the church picnic, and paraphenalia for my little man's 3rd birthday party that will probably be Sunday - actual bday is Thursday. (No, I have done NOTHING in preparation. He's THREE people. Not 16. And it will only be family....they don't really care.) My girls, despite waking up on the WRONG side of the bed, were really pretty good at WalMart.....I do think that my nearly 3 year old son drank a Red Bull before we headed out though. He was wearing a baseball cap (his insistence) and about 1/3 of the way thru the store began beating me with it...then beating his sisters with it....then throwing it into/out of the cart...pulling it over his eyes and growling/yelling "I am a scary monster!" at the top of his voice. I ended up with that hat strapped to my purse. Next came the throwing of food items in the cart....at his sisters or out of the cart all together. This was followed by a checkout experience that ended with him launching his crocs at other checkout lanes/his sisters/display items. Good times.
We come home long enough to unload and put away groceries. It is then time to head to church to drop off picnic donations. Vince is upstairs playing. When he refuses to come downstairs to leave, I know what's what. I find him sitting in his sister's closet playing with dolls and sitting with a diaper full of poo. When I ask what in the world he is doing, he matter-of-factly answers, "Hiding, so I could poop." Oh, the honesty. I clean him up, talk about my disappointment and how he needs to be a big boy...off we head to church.
The girls argue the WHOLE way to church and lose their "priviledge" to help me carry items into the church office. I mean, really, arguring the enture way TO God's house really does not seem deserving of much short of a good long time in the confessional booth.
We come home and eat lunch. My nearly 3 yr old takes 2 bites of his food, gives me his shifty "catch me if you can!" eyes, and bolts up the stairs. To answer the question before it arises, YES, we DID have a gate at the bottom of the stairs, but when he began scaling it in 2 seconds flat using death-defying tactics, we were forced to take it down. I decide, "Fine. He is going down for a nap soon enough so that we can take a late afternoon trip to the pool, I don't CARE if he goes to bed hungry...." and do not chase after him (b/c really, he just sees this as a game anyway). A few minutes later, he comes down wearing only his t-shirt (which is now wet) and diaper...and carrying a new pair of shorts from his closet. When I ask what is up he says, "Well, I made a mess....and I pooped....so I need to wear THESE shorts instead." Grrrrreat. Yes, he did sneek in poo #2....and when I got upstairs I was equally surprised with MORE fun. He had evidentally gotten a chair of some sort and used it to get up to his changing table area. He had dumped all the diapers, all creams/medicines that were in the basket, had found the old bottle of rubbing alcohol I used to disinfect rectal thermometers with, and opened it....then poured it all over the (*@&*#&(!@@ changing table, I. Was. Livid.
I got him cleaned up, then had him sit in time out (I kept referring to it as his punishment) and watch ME clean up the rest of the mess. THEN, took his hand and lead him down stairs...made him sit at the table where he then cleaned his plate of every morsel of food....I am pretty sure he thought this was part of his punishment. Mainly b/c every time I told him to do something "Sit in the chair while I clean this up." or "Go sit at your spot in the kitchen." He followed by asking, "Why?" and I would respond. "Because you are being punished." To this he would reply, "It's OK, Mommy. I will not get punishment again." Yeah....right. Can I get that signed and notaraized, please?
Now that things are quiet here in the house, I am able to see more clearly that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. My kids NEED space from one another and me. We will pool it up this afternoon....and then the girls and I will have a girl day tomorrow when we send little man to the sitter's for one last day to blow it out and have fun.
It is important to note that when my girls start school on Wednesday-Thursday-Friday....my (by then) 3 year old WILL start potty training. So, I am just jumping from one fire to the next....but I am very open minded about this process (ie: he might not want ANY part of this...so we will try again in a few months)....but I will tell you right now, your prayers for my sanity would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day everyone! And if summer is coming to an end for you soon, do try to enjoy these last few days with your kids....even if it is while you are dodging my kid's crocs at WalMart ;-)
xoxo Jennifer
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I Need A Vacation
Summer is nice. It really is good to not have structure every single day and get to spend time with your kids in the ways that you want to. But there has a BIT too much togetherness this summer for me. After 11 days of consecutive lockdown...strep for one, pneumonia for another, healthy 3rd child who was starved for attention and began making up ailments midweek b/c "She NEEDED attention!!!!" -- well, I am kind of over summer.
The icing on my cake was when I finally took my kids out of the house for our first TRUE outing to church (all 3 kids and by myself) then lunch and to the pool (again by myself). There were only 3 other families there when we arrive at the pool...all in close proximity. I get everyone sunscreened, floaties on the baby boy, and send them on their way. I am trying to unpack towels, set up our little oasis in the shade, and trying to talk to a friend....all the while my children (who have been with me 24/7 nonstop....for ELEVEN DAYS) are yelling "Mom!" over and over and over to the point that it sounds like dueling banjos between them. I stop what I am doing, turn and face them, and give a warning about NOT saying my name again until I am done talking to my friend and setting up our stuff or someone is gonna be in BIG trouble. I turn back around...one dad makes a comment about how the kids are on my nerves, I just gave a pat "Yes....very much so" answer. One of mine yells, "Hey Mom!" in the background....and I ignore it. Continue unpacking. Once set up...I sit for a second before plunging into the pool and I overhear the following comments being made by a mom a few chairs down from me to her hubby: "I know that you think I am too lenient with our children, but if the alternative is...." It is at this point that I realize this conversation VERY WELL may be about ME!!!!!!!!! So, I just cock my head the slightest in her direction to let her know I can hear her...and the conversation stops. Done. Over. Not another word. Do I have proof she was referring to my parenting skills? Nope. Could they have had other conversations I was not listening to about someone totally different? Without a doubt. Do I think she was referring to me? Most likely.
That said, I took my high road, jumped into the pool with my kids and swam the rest of the day. But this is just a perfect example of a person judging a book by its cover. This woman has NO knowledge of me as a mother, friend, or even as a person in general. She had NO idea that my kids had been on lockdown with me for 11 days and that this was our first day out of the house. She had no idea that I had just wrestled 3 kids through church and lunch by myself. She had no idea that I didn't feel great myself, was on an antibiotic, and REALLY need an alcoholic beverage after the week that I had had but that I could not have due to meds I was on. Yet, she found it extremely appropriate to judge me. Unwise, young jedi......unwise.
I look back and can tell you that the last FAMILY vacation I took was to DisneyWorld over a year and a half ago....when all three of my kids got a horrid stomach virus on a rotating basis. I was cordoned to the condo for 48 straight hours at one point (if anyone has my email journal from that trip saved, forward it to me and I will post it...mine got deleted. Priceless. Stuff that could never in a million year be made up). Our kids have been no place (save the Louisville zoo or lunch in Evansville) since then. The last couples getaway that my husband and I had was Derby. Was it fun? Hell yes. LOTS of fun. But, also work. You gotta dress up, look nice, stay looking nice, AND stay drunk all day ;-) Exhausting and fun and would NEVER trade it for the world....but not relaxing and definitely not a "vacation".
I know lots of you out there go places on Fall Break, Spring Break, and even a summer vacation thrown in for good measure. We evidentally do not. I am missing the effing BOAT over here. So, yeah, we have $ for a family trip or couples trip. And I am cashing that in SOON. Happy mommy = happy family.
Have a great day, y'all!
xoxo Jennifer
The icing on my cake was when I finally took my kids out of the house for our first TRUE outing to church (all 3 kids and by myself) then lunch and to the pool (again by myself). There were only 3 other families there when we arrive at the pool...all in close proximity. I get everyone sunscreened, floaties on the baby boy, and send them on their way. I am trying to unpack towels, set up our little oasis in the shade, and trying to talk to a friend....all the while my children (who have been with me 24/7 nonstop....for ELEVEN DAYS) are yelling "Mom!" over and over and over to the point that it sounds like dueling banjos between them. I stop what I am doing, turn and face them, and give a warning about NOT saying my name again until I am done talking to my friend and setting up our stuff or someone is gonna be in BIG trouble. I turn back around...one dad makes a comment about how the kids are on my nerves, I just gave a pat "Yes....very much so" answer. One of mine yells, "Hey Mom!" in the background....and I ignore it. Continue unpacking. Once set up...I sit for a second before plunging into the pool and I overhear the following comments being made by a mom a few chairs down from me to her hubby: "I know that you think I am too lenient with our children, but if the alternative is...." It is at this point that I realize this conversation VERY WELL may be about ME!!!!!!!!! So, I just cock my head the slightest in her direction to let her know I can hear her...and the conversation stops. Done. Over. Not another word. Do I have proof she was referring to my parenting skills? Nope. Could they have had other conversations I was not listening to about someone totally different? Without a doubt. Do I think she was referring to me? Most likely.
That said, I took my high road, jumped into the pool with my kids and swam the rest of the day. But this is just a perfect example of a person judging a book by its cover. This woman has NO knowledge of me as a mother, friend, or even as a person in general. She had NO idea that my kids had been on lockdown with me for 11 days and that this was our first day out of the house. She had no idea that I had just wrestled 3 kids through church and lunch by myself. She had no idea that I didn't feel great myself, was on an antibiotic, and REALLY need an alcoholic beverage after the week that I had had but that I could not have due to meds I was on. Yet, she found it extremely appropriate to judge me. Unwise, young jedi......unwise.
I look back and can tell you that the last FAMILY vacation I took was to DisneyWorld over a year and a half ago....when all three of my kids got a horrid stomach virus on a rotating basis. I was cordoned to the condo for 48 straight hours at one point (if anyone has my email journal from that trip saved, forward it to me and I will post it...mine got deleted. Priceless. Stuff that could never in a million year be made up). Our kids have been no place (save the Louisville zoo or lunch in Evansville) since then. The last couples getaway that my husband and I had was Derby. Was it fun? Hell yes. LOTS of fun. But, also work. You gotta dress up, look nice, stay looking nice, AND stay drunk all day ;-) Exhausting and fun and would NEVER trade it for the world....but not relaxing and definitely not a "vacation".
I know lots of you out there go places on Fall Break, Spring Break, and even a summer vacation thrown in for good measure. We evidentally do not. I am missing the effing BOAT over here. So, yeah, we have $ for a family trip or couples trip. And I am cashing that in SOON. Happy mommy = happy family.
Have a great day, y'all!
xoxo Jennifer
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Lockdown
When I taught school we had drills for all sorts of things...fire drills, tornado drills, earthquake drills, and then "lockdown" drills (which did actually become important the day a bank down the street was robbed and the get away car was ditched in our parking lot....but I digress). Evidentally, children like mine enjoy a good "lockdown" every once in a while. Yes, of course, this just means one thing....more sickness in the Hayden house that requires us to stay INDOORS and me to Lysol/Clorox wipe/hand sanitize all surfaces on a routine basis. The sweet person who helps me clean my house said that they reason my kids are always sick is because I am TOO clean and they are TOO vaccinated. HA! If only.....
Our fun story begins LAST Monday. Baby boy wakes with a high fever (over 102)...I give him Motrin and he is saying "ouch" with every drink. I figure....well COULD be strep...but more likely the virus that kids in the summer always seem to get that gives them mouth sores. He of course REFUSES to allow to me look into his mouth...so I make a dr. appt. The ONLY available appt was at 4:30 p.m. We go through an entire day...girls go to pool with the sitter....come home and my mom comes to watch them while I take sick lil boy to the dr. You know things are GREAT when the dr. gasps when she finally gets a good look at your child's throat. I think the exact words were, "Ouch! That is a BAD throat. Gross. My guess is strep or mono...it really looks THAT bad." So...in comes nurse for strep swab. Again, it is LOVELY when a nurse dry heaves while swabbing your child's throat!!! Seriously. What was he GROWING back there? Mushrooms??? And wonder of wonders....swab comes up NEGATIVE. Dr. does not really believe this diagnosis...swabs again and sends it for culture...we will get results in 2 days. On the way out, we stop and look at his swab results one more time and it was sort of like looking at a pregnancy test. Between the dr., nurse, and myself we think there IS a faint line showing positive. We walk away with a scrip and the knowledge that culture will tell us more in a few days, but we are covered for now.
I walk into my house and take ONE look at my 6 year old laying on the couch and just KNOW that I am royally screwed. She looks like h*ll!!!!!!!! I take her temp...to the tune of 103.7. Niiiiiiiice. That couldn't have happened ONE HOUR EARLIER so I could have taken her to the dr. TOO? No. No it couldn't, because, people...let me explain...that is NOT how things roll for us!!!!!!!
Tuesday a.m. at the CRACK of dawn I have EVERYONE up. I take the girls in for strep swabs figuring they have all infected one another. BOTH NEGATIVE. Really??? So, dr. says to chalk it up as a virus and wait for culture results...if they show positive, we will treat with scrip....otherwise treat symptoms. Funny thing? 6 year old really HAS no symptoms. Unlike sick lil brother her throat does not hurt, gland are not swollen, stomach doesn't hurt, she WILL eat food and drink, just has high fever.
By 24 hours of antibiotic, lil man is feeling good. Not 100%, but GOOD. And is no longer running a fever. 6 year old, on the other hand, continues to spike a high fever EVERY DAY....sparadocially. One minute she is 100.4.....and 30 min later over 103. Culture results come back on Thursday...NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. So, I am to weather the storm with my 6 year old as viral. By Friday, I am begging for mercy. I haven't left the house (outside of the times that my sweet sitters have taken pity on me and let me run an errand or two)...and 6 year old is NOT showing signs of improvement. In fact, has developed a cough. What....the....hell? I call and beg for meds. The dr. leaves the decision up to me, but I figure SOMETHING in the meds broke my 2 year old's fever, so maybe it will do the same for her. Not so much.
Saturday...24 hours after starting meds...she spikes her highest fever yet....105.2. Good stuff. Today she leveled off at 103.8 at one point. But, I am just TIRED. I feel SORRY for my kids. My 6 year old is GOING to miss at least PART of Vacation Bible School which starts this week. My 2 year old and 8 year old have sort of been held hostage b/c I haven't wanted to spread our germs about town (you can all thank me later). I JUST wanted these last couple of weeks before school starts to be NORMAL. You know? Pool time, relaxing, having fun, shopping for school supplies together...not on lockdown.
Instead, tomorrow my 8 year old will head to VBS solo - her exact words at bedtime tonight were "I mean, when am I going to get some attention around here?!" (To be clear...she has had PLENTY of attention...just craves the spotlight ALL of the time. Drama.). My 2 year old will be with a lovely sitter all day to get him OUT of this Lysoled arena of a house for the day. And my 6 year old and I will head BACK to the dr. I am expecting possible blood work (will NOT be pretty, especially since she really doesn't FEEL bad) and possible chest x-ray. My prayer at this point is to get my 6 year old well enough to hit VBS at least a FEW days this week....and maybe make it to the grocery? Pipe dreams, I know. But, I am setting low expectations in hopes of them NOT being dashed. I mean, heaven forbid I actually HOPE for pool time...that will only DIRECTLY curse my 8 year old into GETTING this same funky endless virus.
So, if you are ever wondering why you don't hear from me. Why doesn't Jennifer ever call? Why doesn't she email or text? What is she DOING? THIS IS WHAT I AM DOING. And I am so freaking far behind on even telling all of my friends of the plight that I have to write it in a blog so that you can know! lol This too shall pass....all parents know this.
Maybe we will all be well in time for the first day of school. Hope does spring eternal.
Happy day, all!
xoxo
Our fun story begins LAST Monday. Baby boy wakes with a high fever (over 102)...I give him Motrin and he is saying "ouch" with every drink. I figure....well COULD be strep...but more likely the virus that kids in the summer always seem to get that gives them mouth sores. He of course REFUSES to allow to me look into his mouth...so I make a dr. appt. The ONLY available appt was at 4:30 p.m. We go through an entire day...girls go to pool with the sitter....come home and my mom comes to watch them while I take sick lil boy to the dr. You know things are GREAT when the dr. gasps when she finally gets a good look at your child's throat. I think the exact words were, "Ouch! That is a BAD throat. Gross. My guess is strep or mono...it really looks THAT bad." So...in comes nurse for strep swab. Again, it is LOVELY when a nurse dry heaves while swabbing your child's throat!!! Seriously. What was he GROWING back there? Mushrooms??? And wonder of wonders....swab comes up NEGATIVE. Dr. does not really believe this diagnosis...swabs again and sends it for culture...we will get results in 2 days. On the way out, we stop and look at his swab results one more time and it was sort of like looking at a pregnancy test. Between the dr., nurse, and myself we think there IS a faint line showing positive. We walk away with a scrip and the knowledge that culture will tell us more in a few days, but we are covered for now.
I walk into my house and take ONE look at my 6 year old laying on the couch and just KNOW that I am royally screwed. She looks like h*ll!!!!!!!! I take her temp...to the tune of 103.7. Niiiiiiiice. That couldn't have happened ONE HOUR EARLIER so I could have taken her to the dr. TOO? No. No it couldn't, because, people...let me explain...that is NOT how things roll for us!!!!!!!
Tuesday a.m. at the CRACK of dawn I have EVERYONE up. I take the girls in for strep swabs figuring they have all infected one another. BOTH NEGATIVE. Really??? So, dr. says to chalk it up as a virus and wait for culture results...if they show positive, we will treat with scrip....otherwise treat symptoms. Funny thing? 6 year old really HAS no symptoms. Unlike sick lil brother her throat does not hurt, gland are not swollen, stomach doesn't hurt, she WILL eat food and drink, just has high fever.
By 24 hours of antibiotic, lil man is feeling good. Not 100%, but GOOD. And is no longer running a fever. 6 year old, on the other hand, continues to spike a high fever EVERY DAY....sparadocially. One minute she is 100.4.....and 30 min later over 103. Culture results come back on Thursday...NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. So, I am to weather the storm with my 6 year old as viral. By Friday, I am begging for mercy. I haven't left the house (outside of the times that my sweet sitters have taken pity on me and let me run an errand or two)...and 6 year old is NOT showing signs of improvement. In fact, has developed a cough. What....the....hell? I call and beg for meds. The dr. leaves the decision up to me, but I figure SOMETHING in the meds broke my 2 year old's fever, so maybe it will do the same for her. Not so much.
Saturday...24 hours after starting meds...she spikes her highest fever yet....105.2. Good stuff. Today she leveled off at 103.8 at one point. But, I am just TIRED. I feel SORRY for my kids. My 6 year old is GOING to miss at least PART of Vacation Bible School which starts this week. My 2 year old and 8 year old have sort of been held hostage b/c I haven't wanted to spread our germs about town (you can all thank me later). I JUST wanted these last couple of weeks before school starts to be NORMAL. You know? Pool time, relaxing, having fun, shopping for school supplies together...not on lockdown.
Instead, tomorrow my 8 year old will head to VBS solo - her exact words at bedtime tonight were "I mean, when am I going to get some attention around here?!" (To be clear...she has had PLENTY of attention...just craves the spotlight ALL of the time. Drama.). My 2 year old will be with a lovely sitter all day to get him OUT of this Lysoled arena of a house for the day. And my 6 year old and I will head BACK to the dr. I am expecting possible blood work (will NOT be pretty, especially since she really doesn't FEEL bad) and possible chest x-ray. My prayer at this point is to get my 6 year old well enough to hit VBS at least a FEW days this week....and maybe make it to the grocery? Pipe dreams, I know. But, I am setting low expectations in hopes of them NOT being dashed. I mean, heaven forbid I actually HOPE for pool time...that will only DIRECTLY curse my 8 year old into GETTING this same funky endless virus.
So, if you are ever wondering why you don't hear from me. Why doesn't Jennifer ever call? Why doesn't she email or text? What is she DOING? THIS IS WHAT I AM DOING. And I am so freaking far behind on even telling all of my friends of the plight that I have to write it in a blog so that you can know! lol This too shall pass....all parents know this.
Maybe we will all be well in time for the first day of school. Hope does spring eternal.
Happy day, all!
xoxo
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Who IS that and what is she doing NOW?
It started simply enough...I walked past a mirror after the shower one morning and catch a glimpse of a person that I do NOT recognize. Whose stomach and mid-section IS that? Whose thighs? What the....??? Holy sh*tballs.........that's ME!!!!! So, yeah, even though I am a regular exerciser (5-6 days/week...most often running)...things are not working out for me in the "tone up" department. There are several classes I am going to take that the HealthPark here in town once school is in session and my days are not filled with swim team, dance camps, vacation bible schools, etc....and I am sure those classes will help. But what I saw in that mirror was APPALLING and I was ready to do something STAT.
Well, as it would be....I had been asked by several friends if I was going to be running in a 5K or 10K race that was running this past Saturday evening. Let's be specifiic...it is JULY in KENTUCKY. Owensboro JUST made the NATIONAL news tonight for having the highest heat index in the COUNTRY this past few days. But, hell yeah, I signed up for that 10K. I ran it last year...it was horrid (kind of like childbirth, you forget how bad it ACTUALLY was)....but there were lots of people last year and I took comfort in that. So, I show up at 5:00 p.m. for the run and my van is reading 90 degrees....which in KY means like 135 degrees. I power on. Find a couple of my friends (one is super speedy and I have NO intention of keeping up with her...the other I figure I can hang with for MOST of the time...tho she is super young and spritely)....and then we line up. I look around and find that THIS year...most people are not as stupid as me. Every person around me is a TRUE runner. Like 20 years old (or younger/older) and wearing only sports bras and tighty tight running underwear looking things. Oh...dear...Lord.
The first cross country race that my 6 year old ever ran in, she came in last (to her defense...she doesn't KNOW she was last and she was a kindergartner amongst 1-6th graders...but she also sucks as a runner in general. Sweating is not really her thing.). When I said to her "I am SO proud of you...you FINISHED and never walked!" Her reaction was "Yeah...I couldn't stop or that man on the machine was gonna run over me!" She was of course referring to the 4-wheeler that follows the last runner in....watches for those in need of medical care, etc. Well....that was ME in this 10K for a LONG time. That damned cart was on my heels...and did not do a lot for my self esteem!
FWIW....I was alright until about mile 2.5 when I realize that I have OVER hydated and am now using keugle exercises to keep from pissing my pants....which is only half-way working. Or not working at all as the case may be. I have had 3 kids, for goodness sake!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I mention that it was effing HOT AS HADES???? Yep...by 3.5 miles I was in walk/run mode....I willed myself to finish and run it out at the end. Only b/c my hubby sweet baby boy was there at the end waiting for me. Overall....Most. Horrible .Race. Ever. I finished and said, "Why do I run? I don't even think I LIKE it!?!?!!?" It took me a full hour to finish...a time that I was/am NOT proud of. I went home showered...got 2 yr old in bed...and went to neighbor's house and commenced to making her get drunk with me to kill my mental/physical pain of that race! While there? I got a text from speedy friend who stayed for awards ceremony saying that I PLACED in my age division. Of course, I ask "Does this mean that I placed 3rd in my age group and there were only three of us IN my age group?" Her answer: "NO! You placed SECOND....and there were 2 people in your age group." I drank more wine in celebration. And let me tell you something...my medal better BE IN THE MAIL!!!!!!!!!! It was the worst race of my life and I need proof that i finished, however badly! LOL!
So....in seeing that horrid profile in myself in the mirror caused me to do another knee-jerk action. I ordered a series of DVDs....the Tracy Anderson Method (Metamorphosis). It arrived 2 days ago. There is a 30 min cardio dance section that you are to do daily. The best that I can describe it as is me looking like a fraggle doing something similar to sexy club dancing....except despite my coordination, I don't even REMOTELY resemble TRACY. Lol. Then there is a weight/muscle section that isolates and works on problem areas that you identify. Ummmm.... yeah.....my legs are gonna fall off. That woman is a MACHINE. The program is complete...cardio/weight and resistance training/diet. Of course, her biggest endorser is Gwyneth Paltrow ... Demi and Courtney Cox love her too. And after doing this program for two days like a crippled fraggle...let me tell you. I am certain the program would work if I stayed on the program...it's 6 days on/1 day off. But, that makes it hard to run, which I am going to do. But, that aside..let's say I follow strictly the 90 day plan of 6 days on/1 day off.....Ms. Anderson can shove her dietary advice up her arse. I mean....REALLY...does she think that for a single second I am going to eat pureed carrots and parsnips for the first 4 days of this program? Maybe if I am Gwyn and have someone paid to force feed me and then slap food out of my hands at other time. HELL to the NO...I don't eat BABY food/ And, dear Tracy, when you say you "recommend" 3 glasses of wine per week...you better specify the amount of ozs......I have some BIG wine glasses!!!!!!!!!!
Yet...I will run in the a.m. and Tracy myself in the evening....and I will keep trying to choose the Baked Lay's over other chips....and I will hate ever minute of it.
Happy day, everyone!
Jennifer
Well, as it would be....I had been asked by several friends if I was going to be running in a 5K or 10K race that was running this past Saturday evening. Let's be specifiic...it is JULY in KENTUCKY. Owensboro JUST made the NATIONAL news tonight for having the highest heat index in the COUNTRY this past few days. But, hell yeah, I signed up for that 10K. I ran it last year...it was horrid (kind of like childbirth, you forget how bad it ACTUALLY was)....but there were lots of people last year and I took comfort in that. So, I show up at 5:00 p.m. for the run and my van is reading 90 degrees....which in KY means like 135 degrees. I power on. Find a couple of my friends (one is super speedy and I have NO intention of keeping up with her...the other I figure I can hang with for MOST of the time...tho she is super young and spritely)....and then we line up. I look around and find that THIS year...most people are not as stupid as me. Every person around me is a TRUE runner. Like 20 years old (or younger/older) and wearing only sports bras and tighty tight running underwear looking things. Oh...dear...Lord.
The first cross country race that my 6 year old ever ran in, she came in last (to her defense...she doesn't KNOW she was last and she was a kindergartner amongst 1-6th graders...but she also sucks as a runner in general. Sweating is not really her thing.). When I said to her "I am SO proud of you...you FINISHED and never walked!" Her reaction was "Yeah...I couldn't stop or that man on the machine was gonna run over me!" She was of course referring to the 4-wheeler that follows the last runner in....watches for those in need of medical care, etc. Well....that was ME in this 10K for a LONG time. That damned cart was on my heels...and did not do a lot for my self esteem!
FWIW....I was alright until about mile 2.5 when I realize that I have OVER hydated and am now using keugle exercises to keep from pissing my pants....which is only half-way working. Or not working at all as the case may be. I have had 3 kids, for goodness sake!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I mention that it was effing HOT AS HADES???? Yep...by 3.5 miles I was in walk/run mode....I willed myself to finish and run it out at the end. Only b/c my hubby sweet baby boy was there at the end waiting for me. Overall....Most. Horrible .Race. Ever. I finished and said, "Why do I run? I don't even think I LIKE it!?!?!!?" It took me a full hour to finish...a time that I was/am NOT proud of. I went home showered...got 2 yr old in bed...and went to neighbor's house and commenced to making her get drunk with me to kill my mental/physical pain of that race! While there? I got a text from speedy friend who stayed for awards ceremony saying that I PLACED in my age division. Of course, I ask "Does this mean that I placed 3rd in my age group and there were only three of us IN my age group?" Her answer: "NO! You placed SECOND....and there were 2 people in your age group." I drank more wine in celebration. And let me tell you something...my medal better BE IN THE MAIL!!!!!!!!!! It was the worst race of my life and I need proof that i finished, however badly! LOL!
So....in seeing that horrid profile in myself in the mirror caused me to do another knee-jerk action. I ordered a series of DVDs....the Tracy Anderson Method (Metamorphosis). It arrived 2 days ago. There is a 30 min cardio dance section that you are to do daily. The best that I can describe it as is me looking like a fraggle doing something similar to sexy club dancing....except despite my coordination, I don't even REMOTELY resemble TRACY. Lol. Then there is a weight/muscle section that isolates and works on problem areas that you identify. Ummmm.... yeah.....my legs are gonna fall off. That woman is a MACHINE. The program is complete...cardio/weight and resistance training/diet. Of course, her biggest endorser is Gwyneth Paltrow ... Demi and Courtney Cox love her too. And after doing this program for two days like a crippled fraggle...let me tell you. I am certain the program would work if I stayed on the program...it's 6 days on/1 day off. But, that makes it hard to run, which I am going to do. But, that aside..let's say I follow strictly the 90 day plan of 6 days on/1 day off.....Ms. Anderson can shove her dietary advice up her arse. I mean....REALLY...does she think that for a single second I am going to eat pureed carrots and parsnips for the first 4 days of this program? Maybe if I am Gwyn and have someone paid to force feed me and then slap food out of my hands at other time. HELL to the NO...I don't eat BABY food/ And, dear Tracy, when you say you "recommend" 3 glasses of wine per week...you better specify the amount of ozs......I have some BIG wine glasses!!!!!!!!!!
Yet...I will run in the a.m. and Tracy myself in the evening....and I will keep trying to choose the Baked Lay's over other chips....and I will hate ever minute of it.
Happy day, everyone!
Jennifer
Monday, June 27, 2011
Dinner Out....with 3 kids
Seriously...I should just STOP with that title. I mean, it really says it all, doesn't it? Can ANYTHING good come out of going out to eat with 3 children aged 8, 6, and nearly 3? Let me answer you in NO uncertain terms.....Hell to the NO. Nothing good at all.
Our journey began innocently enough...heading to Evansville. Needed to price some "big boy" beds since 2 year old monkey boy can climb both into and out of his crib....obviously for his safety it is time to upgrade....or get a crib tent to cage his little butt in. But, I digress....we were pricing the bedroom suit I liked. I have priced it locally, but wanted to SEE a piece in PERSON and I also knew this specific bedroom suit was being discontinued so I needed to step on it. We (hubby, 3 kids, me) go to the furniture store....I know the EXACT number of the items I want priced....and let me tell you something....I may have been a school teacher but even I know this sales guy SUCKED. He refused to write down prices for me to take with me....so I stole his pen and a piece of HIS scrap paper right in front of him and wrote it down myself. He wanted to know my exact quotes from the Oboro places I had been too....I refused to tell him. Actually, I lied and said I did not have the prices with me...wanted to do all my cross checking at home. Well, he was not happy with me on this issue. Shoots me a VERY high price and says "Just call with your quotes and I will match them." Yes, I will not be purchasing from you Evasville man! Spit! But, the best part of this escapade...is that while he is pretending that he can't pull up prices on the computer for me to see (lie)....my kids are going ape sh*t crazy. Jumping on beds...trying to climb the bunks....my poor hubby is near heart attack level. I loved that the sales guy was like, "So, you don't want THIS bunk bed that's on clearance here?" A. I wasn't pricing the effing bunk bed. B. Did he not SEE my children? My kids would KILL themselves with access to bunk beds! Idiot.
So, off our happy family heads (already on edge after that hair raising experience of NO ONE doing what they are supposed to be doing) to Outback Steakhouse. Good choice for our lil guy with egg and peanut/tree nut allergies. Our fun starts with my 2 year old SCREECHING b/c he doesn't want to sit in the high chair. I am certain all patrons around us are already huge FANS of ours. He gets settled in and begins coloring the menu, the table, himself. His drink comes in a stryfoam cup that he immediately starts trying to poke holes in...hubby has to go to the van and get the sippie cup that he left in the car to use from that point forward....cut to more screaming from 2 year old. It only seems like 600 years before food arrives and during that time I assess that my 8 year old and 6 year old must both be hard of hearing....they talk as LOUD as any kids ever. I am shushing them...2 year old is yelling random things...girls are laughing and instigating the situation. Bad. Everyone finally gets food....Vince with his grilled chicken and French fries all allergen friendly. Well, of course the only thing he WANTS are the French fries. I start trying to feed him the chicken...that ends in more screeching.
Out of no where? My 2 year old screams, "I need to potty!" I ignore, I mean it is a public restroom and I KNOW kids just like the adventure...we all know he won't even go at HOME. He persists. So, I bargain with him...."Take a bite of chicken and I will take you to the potty". He of course scarfs down a piece immediately....off we head. Of course, I have to put his SHOES on him first, as he ditched those and THREW them across the restaurant within 5 minutes of arriving at the restaurant. Sweet. We get into the bathroom and I will commend Outback for clean restrooms! We head to the handicapped stall (go ahead and argue the point...but having a 2 year old who wants to "go" constitutes as a handicap in my book). My 2 year old is arguing that he wants to STAND to go...not so much...I force him onto the toilet seat...he touches EVERY SINGLE SURFACE KNOWN TO MAN AND BEAST...passes gas...and says "All done!" Seriously?????????? Yes. And, by this point, he has diaper off, pants off, and yes shoes off. I am freaking out (germaphobe) and trying to AT LEAST get his shoes on him. Nope. He has to be fully diapered and have his shorts back on before he agrees to put his shoes back on! Again, very nice. We wash hand thoroughly...only to have a towel dispenser that is JAMMED. I unjam the mother...and turn to find my 2 year old cleaning the floor with his HANDS. Rewash. Lovely. Back to table.
I had, inadvertently, promised both of my girls they could have dessert after dinner. I had bribed Sarah at swim practice if she didn't grab a life guard while swimming or the lane line that she could have ice cream....and Reese "won" the family art contest (that she set up herself and I was the judge...it was only between her and her father...), so both had "earned" dessert as a reward. Well, listen, dinner was OVER people...I was ready to go. While the girls are eating dessert and laughing INCESSANTLY and LOUDLY... I am still trying to force feed my 2 year old grilled chicken. I have hidden all his French fries...and the hubby has the idea that maybe young Jedi would eat his chicken if he has a dip....like A1. In he dives...and screeches, "It burns my mouth! It really does!!!!" From that point on....he is "scared" of the chicken. Obviously. He is also asking for dessert...and we are telling him that he hasn't eaten enough chicken....it's a bad circle of circumstances.
The ride home is no better. Both girls know they are in trouble for their constant loudness and laughing. When I told them I was disappointed in them for "encouraging" their brother....my 6 year old looked at me and said, "Yeah...we were ENCOURAGING him to eat his chicken, I would THINK you'd be happy!" Oh heavens! 2 year old is yelling that he wants to see the river all....the...way....home.
In short, I reallllly do not recommended outings with 3 children....especially to public places...where you have to use public restrooms...and ruin not only your own meals, but also the meals of others.
Happy day, all!
xoxo Jennifer
Our journey began innocently enough...heading to Evansville. Needed to price some "big boy" beds since 2 year old monkey boy can climb both into and out of his crib....obviously for his safety it is time to upgrade....or get a crib tent to cage his little butt in. But, I digress....we were pricing the bedroom suit I liked. I have priced it locally, but wanted to SEE a piece in PERSON and I also knew this specific bedroom suit was being discontinued so I needed to step on it. We (hubby, 3 kids, me) go to the furniture store....I know the EXACT number of the items I want priced....and let me tell you something....I may have been a school teacher but even I know this sales guy SUCKED. He refused to write down prices for me to take with me....so I stole his pen and a piece of HIS scrap paper right in front of him and wrote it down myself. He wanted to know my exact quotes from the Oboro places I had been too....I refused to tell him. Actually, I lied and said I did not have the prices with me...wanted to do all my cross checking at home. Well, he was not happy with me on this issue. Shoots me a VERY high price and says "Just call with your quotes and I will match them." Yes, I will not be purchasing from you Evasville man! Spit! But, the best part of this escapade...is that while he is pretending that he can't pull up prices on the computer for me to see (lie)....my kids are going ape sh*t crazy. Jumping on beds...trying to climb the bunks....my poor hubby is near heart attack level. I loved that the sales guy was like, "So, you don't want THIS bunk bed that's on clearance here?" A. I wasn't pricing the effing bunk bed. B. Did he not SEE my children? My kids would KILL themselves with access to bunk beds! Idiot.
So, off our happy family heads (already on edge after that hair raising experience of NO ONE doing what they are supposed to be doing) to Outback Steakhouse. Good choice for our lil guy with egg and peanut/tree nut allergies. Our fun starts with my 2 year old SCREECHING b/c he doesn't want to sit in the high chair. I am certain all patrons around us are already huge FANS of ours. He gets settled in and begins coloring the menu, the table, himself. His drink comes in a stryfoam cup that he immediately starts trying to poke holes in...hubby has to go to the van and get the sippie cup that he left in the car to use from that point forward....cut to more screaming from 2 year old. It only seems like 600 years before food arrives and during that time I assess that my 8 year old and 6 year old must both be hard of hearing....they talk as LOUD as any kids ever. I am shushing them...2 year old is yelling random things...girls are laughing and instigating the situation. Bad. Everyone finally gets food....Vince with his grilled chicken and French fries all allergen friendly. Well, of course the only thing he WANTS are the French fries. I start trying to feed him the chicken...that ends in more screeching.
Out of no where? My 2 year old screams, "I need to potty!" I ignore, I mean it is a public restroom and I KNOW kids just like the adventure...we all know he won't even go at HOME. He persists. So, I bargain with him...."Take a bite of chicken and I will take you to the potty". He of course scarfs down a piece immediately....off we head. Of course, I have to put his SHOES on him first, as he ditched those and THREW them across the restaurant within 5 minutes of arriving at the restaurant. Sweet. We get into the bathroom and I will commend Outback for clean restrooms! We head to the handicapped stall (go ahead and argue the point...but having a 2 year old who wants to "go" constitutes as a handicap in my book). My 2 year old is arguing that he wants to STAND to go...not so much...I force him onto the toilet seat...he touches EVERY SINGLE SURFACE KNOWN TO MAN AND BEAST...passes gas...and says "All done!" Seriously?????????? Yes. And, by this point, he has diaper off, pants off, and yes shoes off. I am freaking out (germaphobe) and trying to AT LEAST get his shoes on him. Nope. He has to be fully diapered and have his shorts back on before he agrees to put his shoes back on! Again, very nice. We wash hand thoroughly...only to have a towel dispenser that is JAMMED. I unjam the mother...and turn to find my 2 year old cleaning the floor with his HANDS. Rewash. Lovely. Back to table.
I had, inadvertently, promised both of my girls they could have dessert after dinner. I had bribed Sarah at swim practice if she didn't grab a life guard while swimming or the lane line that she could have ice cream....and Reese "won" the family art contest (that she set up herself and I was the judge...it was only between her and her father...), so both had "earned" dessert as a reward. Well, listen, dinner was OVER people...I was ready to go. While the girls are eating dessert and laughing INCESSANTLY and LOUDLY... I am still trying to force feed my 2 year old grilled chicken. I have hidden all his French fries...and the hubby has the idea that maybe young Jedi would eat his chicken if he has a dip....like A1. In he dives...and screeches, "It burns my mouth! It really does!!!!" From that point on....he is "scared" of the chicken. Obviously. He is also asking for dessert...and we are telling him that he hasn't eaten enough chicken....it's a bad circle of circumstances.
The ride home is no better. Both girls know they are in trouble for their constant loudness and laughing. When I told them I was disappointed in them for "encouraging" their brother....my 6 year old looked at me and said, "Yeah...we were ENCOURAGING him to eat his chicken, I would THINK you'd be happy!" Oh heavens! 2 year old is yelling that he wants to see the river all....the...way....home.
In short, I reallllly do not recommended outings with 3 children....especially to public places...where you have to use public restrooms...and ruin not only your own meals, but also the meals of others.
Happy day, all!
xoxo Jennifer
Friday, June 24, 2011
Oh Poo....
I have said this once...and I will say it again...unless you are a mother or a pediatrician you have NO idea how much time is actually spent discussing the intestinal issues of children. Basically parents/drs examine and analyze every BM that a child passes...it's a constant conversation piece when I am running in the a.m. with my friends. Sad, but true. So, AGAIN, like I have said....put on your big kid pants and deal with it. This is blog is about Poo.
Bottom line? I am fairly certain that Vince is going to be heading off to college in a diaper...by that time, I will hopefully have taught him to at least WIPE and change himself...but I am shuttering at the amount of $$ I will be shelling out for pullups...especially once alcohol gets introduced to his system. And, we all KNOW, that this will NOT happen until his junion yr of college when he is 21 years old, thank you VERY much. But , I digress...
I knew that this summer (the summer before he turns 3 in August) was the time to start potty training. I was also totally prepared for the fact that boys TYPICALLY train later than girls. Reese was totally trained and wearing undies by 3....Sarah even earlier (she taught herself....the same way she is going to teach herself to silently override the household security system later in her life and sneak out to meet boys....I am not stupid, people....). Sooooo....we try.
First stop? The "potty watch"....it sings a song every 20-30 min to remind the child to sit on the potty and give it a try. Yeah...he spent the enture day trying to get the watch OFF and pushing buttons that caused the watch to NOT chime on time, etc. Problematic. I put that idea away in a drawer.
Next stop? Pull-ups.....CARS version. We LOVE us some Lightning McQueen in this house. It would be HORRENDOUS to soil McQueen....one would THINK. Yeah...I set the timer on the oven to go off every 20 min (and had my sweet sitter do the same thing that day), we made him sit every time the timer beeped. Never ONCE did he go...except IN the pull up. Literally, he would sit and hold it...then pee in the diaper the SECOND I pulled his pants up. Jerkstore. And poo + pullups = UGLY.....so, bag that idea (literally bag it in a ziploc and send it to the dumpster) and abandon that ship for a bit as well.
Funny anecdotes? #1. My son is the ONLY one of my children to ever actually poo in a swim diaper. And ANYONE who has dealt with this situation knows/feels my PAIN. It's almost like chlorinated water is an enema for this kid! He literally, on two separate occassions, got OUT of the pool, came to me and said, "I gotta poop! Let's go change my diaper!" Yep....already GONE in his pants. Again...jerkstore. I had that moment of "Do I try and deal with this problem with just wipes/towel or hose him down in the SHOWER?")
#2. He walked INTO the bathroom today....and walked out with me. Immediately I can smell him. I ask, "Why in the world did you poop in your diaper while you were STANDING in the bathroom? Poop goes in the potty, honey." My son responded, "I didn't go in the bathroom....I went in the living room." Sweet. Touche young Jedi.....
So bascially, I KNOW my kid is smart enough and capable enough to potty train....he just doesn't want to. I am tempted to sent his naked butt out back and let whatever happen just HAPPEN. I know this works for others....but I can just imagine a REALLY bad scene. My son DID just fingerpaint his crib pad with poo not too long ago. When asked WHY he put his hand in poo....he responded, " I didn't....I just put it in a toot...and then washed it off" -- he said this while giving a sweeping motion across his chest....where you coudl see the brown streaks of his artwork. Nice stuff.
So, yeah, your words of encouragement will help....but I am just happy that diapers.com sells in bulk and has free home (or college) delivery... (that's for all you extreme couponers out there....a SWEET website that I did not discover until baby #3...damnit! And....you couponers are on my list to to-dos for blogging...even tho I love you! Along with other blogs to address chaos at kids' events and us Type A moms that can NOT freaking take it!!!!!!!!).
Much love all...have a fantab weekend!
xoxo Jennifer
Bottom line? I am fairly certain that Vince is going to be heading off to college in a diaper...by that time, I will hopefully have taught him to at least WIPE and change himself...but I am shuttering at the amount of $$ I will be shelling out for pullups...especially once alcohol gets introduced to his system. And, we all KNOW, that this will NOT happen until his junion yr of college when he is 21 years old, thank you VERY much. But , I digress...
I knew that this summer (the summer before he turns 3 in August) was the time to start potty training. I was also totally prepared for the fact that boys TYPICALLY train later than girls. Reese was totally trained and wearing undies by 3....Sarah even earlier (she taught herself....the same way she is going to teach herself to silently override the household security system later in her life and sneak out to meet boys....I am not stupid, people....). Sooooo....we try.
First stop? The "potty watch"....it sings a song every 20-30 min to remind the child to sit on the potty and give it a try. Yeah...he spent the enture day trying to get the watch OFF and pushing buttons that caused the watch to NOT chime on time, etc. Problematic. I put that idea away in a drawer.
Next stop? Pull-ups.....CARS version. We LOVE us some Lightning McQueen in this house. It would be HORRENDOUS to soil McQueen....one would THINK. Yeah...I set the timer on the oven to go off every 20 min (and had my sweet sitter do the same thing that day), we made him sit every time the timer beeped. Never ONCE did he go...except IN the pull up. Literally, he would sit and hold it...then pee in the diaper the SECOND I pulled his pants up. Jerkstore. And poo + pullups = UGLY.....so, bag that idea (literally bag it in a ziploc and send it to the dumpster) and abandon that ship for a bit as well.
Funny anecdotes? #1. My son is the ONLY one of my children to ever actually poo in a swim diaper. And ANYONE who has dealt with this situation knows/feels my PAIN. It's almost like chlorinated water is an enema for this kid! He literally, on two separate occassions, got OUT of the pool, came to me and said, "I gotta poop! Let's go change my diaper!" Yep....already GONE in his pants. Again...jerkstore. I had that moment of "Do I try and deal with this problem with just wipes/towel or hose him down in the SHOWER?")
#2. He walked INTO the bathroom today....and walked out with me. Immediately I can smell him. I ask, "Why in the world did you poop in your diaper while you were STANDING in the bathroom? Poop goes in the potty, honey." My son responded, "I didn't go in the bathroom....I went in the living room." Sweet. Touche young Jedi.....
So bascially, I KNOW my kid is smart enough and capable enough to potty train....he just doesn't want to. I am tempted to sent his naked butt out back and let whatever happen just HAPPEN. I know this works for others....but I can just imagine a REALLY bad scene. My son DID just fingerpaint his crib pad with poo not too long ago. When asked WHY he put his hand in poo....he responded, " I didn't....I just put it in a toot...and then washed it off" -- he said this while giving a sweeping motion across his chest....where you coudl see the brown streaks of his artwork. Nice stuff.
So, yeah, your words of encouragement will help....but I am just happy that diapers.com sells in bulk and has free home (or college) delivery... (that's for all you extreme couponers out there....a SWEET website that I did not discover until baby #3...damnit! And....you couponers are on my list to to-dos for blogging...even tho I love you! Along with other blogs to address chaos at kids' events and us Type A moms that can NOT freaking take it!!!!!!!!).
Much love all...have a fantab weekend!
xoxo Jennifer
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Early Onset Dementia
It is a hard burden to bear....but after giving birth to 3 children, I have officially been left with approximately 50 brain cells....and those are failing me or being slowly killed off by Pinot Noir. So, here I am 35 years old (yes, STILL younger than all my classmates...pbbbbbbt! You THOUGHT you were cool when you could drive legally/drink legally before me....but whose laughing NOW?!) and dealing with what I can only describe as early onset dementia. Here is a recount of my day....as written through the eyes of my LOST KEYS:
Yep...Jennifer is a special gal. "Special" as in she needs both hands to find her rear-end a good portion of the time. Today, I spent the entire day laying in wait as she frantically searched for me...screeching "WHERE ARE MY CAR KEYS?" "HOW COULD I HAVE LOST THEM?" "WHERE COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE?" and other variations thereof. The answer, of course, is that I was RIGHT WHERE SHE LEFT ME. Idiot. She really does have some sort of memory problem. Literally, she frantically texted friends about me...retraced her steps since her last TRUE memory of having me was when she drove to/from church...and literally turned the house UPSIDE DOWN. She was CERTAIN that her 2 year old had grabbed them off the counter and hidden them somewhere. She tore apart every toy box, went through every cabinet and drawer, she even looked in the refrigerator! Again, IDIOT.
Next step? Call the people who drove her Pinot Noir-ed butt home last night....b/c CERTAINLY us keys must had fallen out of her purse in their truck. Really? Buy a dang purse that ZIPS up and closes all the way. No way us keys would fall out. No, Jennifer, we are NOT in the floorboard of the car! Next stop... she runs into another person who was in the same restaurant as her last night and asks if THEY saw us (her keys). Ummm....no. Although that humongous pink keychain that we are on and she wears around her wrist while typically toting one of her 3 crying children around to some extracurrirular activity that they are b*tching about going to but she is MAKING them attend b/c it is "good for them" would be REALLY hard to miss. I swear, she is a hot mess.
Step 3? Go and comb the grass and parking lot of the restaurant. The restaurant was not open today, so she could not call. Of course, this is a NO GO. That's not where she PUT us. Idiot.
What is best about this story is that Jennifer has NO idea that she never even HAD us...the WHOLE night. She had her 8 year old lock the door behind them when they LEFT the house...and they (evidentally) used her husband's keys to get back in. Neither of them could REMEMBER this. Again...special, pinot noir-ed, early onset dementia girl we are dealing with here.
So....have we been found? Yes. By Jennifer or her hoard of 3 children that tore up the whole house? No. By Jennifer's husband. Because we were laying on the back floorbard of his truck. She failed to remember that when she got home from church, the FIRST thing her hubby asked her to do was secure the 2 year old's car seat in his truck. Down went the keys....and there we sat ALLLLL day watching her crazy a$$ run around the house acting the fool. Geez. Someone get this chick some ginko biloba....or another glass of Pinot....whatever!
And fwiw, what is she doing right NOW? After tearing this house up and realizing that they WHOLE place needs to be de-hoarded and organized? She's writing a freaking blog entry from the point of view of her KEYS. Dang. That's totally normal.....
xoxo Jennifer's keys
Have a great night all!
Yep...Jennifer is a special gal. "Special" as in she needs both hands to find her rear-end a good portion of the time. Today, I spent the entire day laying in wait as she frantically searched for me...screeching "WHERE ARE MY CAR KEYS?" "HOW COULD I HAVE LOST THEM?" "WHERE COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE?" and other variations thereof. The answer, of course, is that I was RIGHT WHERE SHE LEFT ME. Idiot. She really does have some sort of memory problem. Literally, she frantically texted friends about me...retraced her steps since her last TRUE memory of having me was when she drove to/from church...and literally turned the house UPSIDE DOWN. She was CERTAIN that her 2 year old had grabbed them off the counter and hidden them somewhere. She tore apart every toy box, went through every cabinet and drawer, she even looked in the refrigerator! Again, IDIOT.
Next step? Call the people who drove her Pinot Noir-ed butt home last night....b/c CERTAINLY us keys must had fallen out of her purse in their truck. Really? Buy a dang purse that ZIPS up and closes all the way. No way us keys would fall out. No, Jennifer, we are NOT in the floorboard of the car! Next stop... she runs into another person who was in the same restaurant as her last night and asks if THEY saw us (her keys). Ummm....no. Although that humongous pink keychain that we are on and she wears around her wrist while typically toting one of her 3 crying children around to some extracurrirular activity that they are b*tching about going to but she is MAKING them attend b/c it is "good for them" would be REALLY hard to miss. I swear, she is a hot mess.
Step 3? Go and comb the grass and parking lot of the restaurant. The restaurant was not open today, so she could not call. Of course, this is a NO GO. That's not where she PUT us. Idiot.
What is best about this story is that Jennifer has NO idea that she never even HAD us...the WHOLE night. She had her 8 year old lock the door behind them when they LEFT the house...and they (evidentally) used her husband's keys to get back in. Neither of them could REMEMBER this. Again...special, pinot noir-ed, early onset dementia girl we are dealing with here.
So....have we been found? Yes. By Jennifer or her hoard of 3 children that tore up the whole house? No. By Jennifer's husband. Because we were laying on the back floorbard of his truck. She failed to remember that when she got home from church, the FIRST thing her hubby asked her to do was secure the 2 year old's car seat in his truck. Down went the keys....and there we sat ALLLLL day watching her crazy a$$ run around the house acting the fool. Geez. Someone get this chick some ginko biloba....or another glass of Pinot....whatever!
And fwiw, what is she doing right NOW? After tearing this house up and realizing that they WHOLE place needs to be de-hoarded and organized? She's writing a freaking blog entry from the point of view of her KEYS. Dang. That's totally normal.....
xoxo Jennifer's keys
Have a great night all!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Why Do I Exercise?
Summer is here...and I am amazed at how there is not a single moment in my day to sit and ponder the fun stuff in life on this blog. I mean, between dance recitals, swim team practices, loads of laundry, and just general life as a mom.....I can already tell this summer is gonna fly by. The one thing that I do my very very very best to try and schedule every day (OK....at least 5 times/week)??? Exercise.
Whether I hit the gym for treadmill or spinning class, run with friends at 5:30 in the a.m., go to a group bootcamp or training session, or exercise at home....I really do schedule exercise into my day. The big question is WHY? I mean, it SUCKS to get up at 5:15 a.m. to run in 85 degree temps (or 25 degree temps as the case may be). It is a scheduling nightmare if I do NOT get up with the chickens....getting kids ready for swimteam, fed, dressed, to childcare/ready for a baby sitter, and to gym on TIME -- which, let's be honest, NEVER HAPPENS. So, again, back to the big burning question of WHY?
The greatest answer would be "I have always been an avid runner and exerciser my whole life....I can't remember a time when I didn't love a good run or sweaty workout. It's just always been a part of my life." That answer would be a LIE. I always loved dancing...which is definitely exercise...but my friends from high school will tell you that I did EVERYTHING to try and get out of running the ONE MILE required during freshman year gym class. Once I hit college...I liked beer, not exercise. I did not start exercising regularly until I was an adult and ready to start a family. One of my high school friends was at the finish line when I finished my first 5K and I am pretty sure that she thought she was having a heat stroke or hallucinating when I crosssed the finishline.
The most politically correct answer would be: to keep my cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, bone density all in check. To be the healthiest me that I can be. This would also probably be a lie. Not that I DON'T want to be healthy. I DO have genetically high cholesterol....but I also like to eat junk. And alcohol is my friend. Sorry. The truth hurts, people. So, while I would LOVE for my thighs to not jiggle and my belly to be taut like a drum....I have come to terms with the fact that my love to food/drink and having given birth to 3 children = a body that will NEVER be perfection. I love the people at the pool who talk about how "modest" the bathing suits are -- I think the quote was "even tiny little people like you who workout like everyday stay all covered up". I had to explain that, really, after 3 kids there are just parts of your body that the general public doesn't need to see....unless a plastic surgeon is involved....because there ain't no amount of exercise that is gonna erase that mess.
The most honest answer? Friendship. Exercise is the ONE time during the day that I actually get to interact with other adults (or be totally alone if I need that as well)....most of them, just like me, are fighting to keep exercise in their daily regimen. When we run at the crack of dawn, or go to spinning class together, or bitch and complain our way through a bootcamp....we laugh. We laugh and we talk and we connect. It's nice to HEAR what is going on with your friends....and typically we all have children we are chasing when we are together....very little actual TALKING or LISTENING can be done under those circumstances. I enjoy seeing my friends in a kid-free environment...if even for 30 or 40 min. I love knowing that other moms are fighting the same battles with their kids that I am. I love the commaraderie that we share. We laugh about being a "wolf pack" (per The Hangover....) and we are always looking for new members to join our wolfpack. That's a nice feeling. A big wolf pack of ladies....actually doing something GOOD for ourselves...our minds, our bodies....all the time talking about what we will be eating/drinking later that day and night ;-)
Find fun friends to exercise with....it makes the torture a LOT more bearable. Plus, it makes you get up and out of bed at 5:00 a.m. if you know 4 people are waiting for you!!!!!!
Happy beginning of summer, everyone!
xoxo
Whether I hit the gym for treadmill or spinning class, run with friends at 5:30 in the a.m., go to a group bootcamp or training session, or exercise at home....I really do schedule exercise into my day. The big question is WHY? I mean, it SUCKS to get up at 5:15 a.m. to run in 85 degree temps (or 25 degree temps as the case may be). It is a scheduling nightmare if I do NOT get up with the chickens....getting kids ready for swimteam, fed, dressed, to childcare/ready for a baby sitter, and to gym on TIME -- which, let's be honest, NEVER HAPPENS. So, again, back to the big burning question of WHY?
The greatest answer would be "I have always been an avid runner and exerciser my whole life....I can't remember a time when I didn't love a good run or sweaty workout. It's just always been a part of my life." That answer would be a LIE. I always loved dancing...which is definitely exercise...but my friends from high school will tell you that I did EVERYTHING to try and get out of running the ONE MILE required during freshman year gym class. Once I hit college...I liked beer, not exercise. I did not start exercising regularly until I was an adult and ready to start a family. One of my high school friends was at the finish line when I finished my first 5K and I am pretty sure that she thought she was having a heat stroke or hallucinating when I crosssed the finishline.
The most politically correct answer would be: to keep my cholesterol, blood pressure, weight, bone density all in check. To be the healthiest me that I can be. This would also probably be a lie. Not that I DON'T want to be healthy. I DO have genetically high cholesterol....but I also like to eat junk. And alcohol is my friend. Sorry. The truth hurts, people. So, while I would LOVE for my thighs to not jiggle and my belly to be taut like a drum....I have come to terms with the fact that my love to food/drink and having given birth to 3 children = a body that will NEVER be perfection. I love the people at the pool who talk about how "modest" the bathing suits are -- I think the quote was "even tiny little people like you who workout like everyday stay all covered up". I had to explain that, really, after 3 kids there are just parts of your body that the general public doesn't need to see....unless a plastic surgeon is involved....because there ain't no amount of exercise that is gonna erase that mess.
The most honest answer? Friendship. Exercise is the ONE time during the day that I actually get to interact with other adults (or be totally alone if I need that as well)....most of them, just like me, are fighting to keep exercise in their daily regimen. When we run at the crack of dawn, or go to spinning class together, or bitch and complain our way through a bootcamp....we laugh. We laugh and we talk and we connect. It's nice to HEAR what is going on with your friends....and typically we all have children we are chasing when we are together....very little actual TALKING or LISTENING can be done under those circumstances. I enjoy seeing my friends in a kid-free environment...if even for 30 or 40 min. I love knowing that other moms are fighting the same battles with their kids that I am. I love the commaraderie that we share. We laugh about being a "wolf pack" (per The Hangover....) and we are always looking for new members to join our wolfpack. That's a nice feeling. A big wolf pack of ladies....actually doing something GOOD for ourselves...our minds, our bodies....all the time talking about what we will be eating/drinking later that day and night ;-)
Find fun friends to exercise with....it makes the torture a LOT more bearable. Plus, it makes you get up and out of bed at 5:00 a.m. if you know 4 people are waiting for you!!!!!!
Happy beginning of summer, everyone!
xoxo
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
How to Achieve Wedded Bliss
Yep....I know it is hard to believe people. But, as of today, I have been married to my hubby for 14 years. Wahoo! This also means that I must have gotten married at like age 8 year old, right????
So, we all know that NO ONE has the "perfect" marriage. But, I am open to offering advice. I mean, isn't that what this blog is all about? Advice and warnings and general mundane life in general? So, here are some of the key elements that keep my marriage healthy and happy:
1. COMMUNICATION: This is an obvious one. But, allow me to let you in on a secret. My husband doesn't even KNOW that I have this BLOG. Yes, you just read that. In fact, when eating with a friend one night, I told her this when she asked what my hubby thought about my blog...and she said THAT mere fact was funnier than anything I could ever write on the blog. The fact my husband doesn't even know that I HAVE one. LOL. Well, to be fair, there have been a few of you who (in his presence) have mentioned my blog....and my husband has literally asked "What's a BLOG?" I (while usually motioning a cut throat sign to the person speaking) bark out something akin to "it's a Facebook thing..." Because....he ALSO is anti-Facebook. Not a clue. No idea. Cracks me UP! His favorite quote is "Facebook Alert" which he yells EVERY SINGLE TIME that my phone rings, gets a text, gets a weather alert.....and to be clear I do NOT get "facebook alerts". Doesn't matter. He loves saying it. And now my 6 year old says it too. Touche, dear husband.
So, in truth, communication IS important. But, I mean not TOO much! For instance, the things I SAY in this blog...he has lived through...and I have probably muddled through it with him 10 million times....he's OVER hearing and definitely not going to want to READ about it. I am pretty sure that because I am so long winded (I like to call myself a "gifted storyteller") that our marriage survives because he has learned to tune out about 85% of the crap that comes out of my mouth. Somehow he sifts through it all and gets the point...most of the time. Of course, we DO have a child with severe food allergies and I have to leave more detailed directions for what my baby boy can eat/not eat and what to do in case of an emergency than I do for ANY 15 yr old babysitter. So maybe a LITTLE more listening would do him well. That said, I DO NOT want to hear a hole by hole recap of his golf game every weekend....or what the grain markets are doing....or how he needs to kill weeds in the yard. Nope. I filter him as well. All is fair game. So, yes, TALK people....just think about what is most important TO talk about! lol
2. BE WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND EMBRACE YOUR WEAKNESSES: Both my husband and I know we are NOT perfect individuals. We are willing to acknowledge areas that we fall short in life....for the most part. Best examples? My husband doesn't particularly like "people". You may play golf with him every week...but that does not mean he really likes you. You are just a golf partner. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I am pretty sure if I added up all words that he speaks during a round of golf it would not break triple digits.... When he comes home and says that he has been playing golf, if I ask, "With who?" and he says "With all my friends"....I know that means he has been playing ALONE. This being said, he ACKNOWLEDGES this and makes an effort to be social for me (and social for golf as well, let's get real)....he is willing to bite the bullet and go out to eat with others, socialize, go to parties, etc. None of this is for himself....he'd rather be home watching the Bourne Trilogy. But, he does it for me...because he knows I have been with kids a good portion of my day and that if I don't get out on the weekends and dance now and again that I might implode. On the other hand...what is my weakness? I am pretty much ALWAYS wrong. It's OK...I have come to terms with this. My husband has a FREAKISHLY good memory. If he says it happened...it did. He says I said it? I did. I pick out an outfit and am questioning it...MOST of the time, he is right in his opinion (not always...but pretty close). I am willing to sit back and wait for his answers before stepping forward...with big decisions especially. He's good, I am telling you. He knows what he is talking about in a ridiculous number of situations. This.....I admire!
3. AGREE ON NUMBER OF CHILDREN: When Richie and I got married, he said 2 kids were max....I said 2 or 3...we'd wait and see. Then I had lots of fertility issues. I became the woman who WANTED to live in a shoe with so many children she didn't know what to do....mainly b/c that's how it works, you want what you can't have. We were blessed with 2 beautiful girls. Then, when hubby was clearly done and my body was screaming, "NO! ONE MORE! PLEASE!"....I pouted my way into "trying" for #3. He was a good sport and a baby boy joined the familiy. So, really, I guess the lesson here is not to really "Agree" but just decide how many kids you want and let them know later. HA! Not really....seriously...that could really blow up in your face....escpecially if you are married to a man who openly declares "I am doing all that I ever plan on doing. Tapped out. All yours, honey." To his defense, my hubby has done more with our kids in the 8 short years of their lives than most men do in a lifetime. So, again...all is fair.
4. AGREE ON RELIGIOUS RAISING OF SAID CHILDREN: We both knew before children that our kids would be raised Catholic and go to Catholic schools. My husband had a GREAT graduating class and I really have enjoyed watching them grow and interact over the years -- even long after high school, they share a tie that my friends from high school and I might not have. I personally attribute this to the fact that he went to church with his friends.... regardless....our kids go to Catholic schools. But, really, that's the easy part. The hard part? Getting to church weekly...leading by example....showing kids they should be in the habit of church on Sunday (or Saturday night), being good stewards (teaching children't liturgy, taking up the gifts, etc), going to confession, etc. It's really the first in that list that is hardest for us...GETTING TO CHURCH. The 2 year old in this family has proven he SUCKS in church (Catholic church = NO NURSERY) . He is horrible. No pew will contain him...no wrestling move can restrain him...no amount of juice/fruit snacks will keep him from yelling "I NEED TO POTTY!", "LOOK, THERE'S JESUS!", "JESUS HAS A BEARD!" or "I WANNA GO HOME!" So, my hubby really likes to try and lay low with the lil guy at HOME. On occassion, this happens, but for the most part, I drag him along and he has a WWF smack down with my 2 year old throughout the entire church service. Listen, I am just trying to be the example....and drag my husband down with me. :-) I like that when Father John exits the church he finds my hubby and son sitting out on the sidewalk waiting for the girls and me....it proves we were there! LOL!
5. HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS: Obviously, I am married to a golf addict. I do not play....though we have talked about me trying couples golf. I will be the drunk one. But, my husband is married to a runner, book club member, and bunco gal. So, we all make sacrafices. When people ask me if it bothers me that my husband plays so much golf, I can really, truly, honestly say "No". Golf makes him HAPPY. He is a freaking GROUCH in the winter. Happy hubby=happy family. And, really, time away from one another is healthy. It shows the strength of the relationship. I mean, he's not joining me while I dance to Wii Michael Jackson Experience.....well, maybe occassionally....but NOT always! Again, know what makes your spouse happy...and let them DO IT....as long as what makes them happy isn't like heroine or prostitutes....
Having only been happily married for 14 years, I know I am just merely chipping the tip of the iceberg....and what works for my family may not work for yours AT ALL. I just know I am one happy girl....that is, until you tell my husband about this blog and then I shall hunt you down and haunt you.....
14 years ROCKS!!!!!!!
Happy Day All!
xoxo Jennifer
So, we all know that NO ONE has the "perfect" marriage. But, I am open to offering advice. I mean, isn't that what this blog is all about? Advice and warnings and general mundane life in general? So, here are some of the key elements that keep my marriage healthy and happy:
1. COMMUNICATION: This is an obvious one. But, allow me to let you in on a secret. My husband doesn't even KNOW that I have this BLOG. Yes, you just read that. In fact, when eating with a friend one night, I told her this when she asked what my hubby thought about my blog...and she said THAT mere fact was funnier than anything I could ever write on the blog. The fact my husband doesn't even know that I HAVE one. LOL. Well, to be fair, there have been a few of you who (in his presence) have mentioned my blog....and my husband has literally asked "What's a BLOG?" I (while usually motioning a cut throat sign to the person speaking) bark out something akin to "it's a Facebook thing..." Because....he ALSO is anti-Facebook. Not a clue. No idea. Cracks me UP! His favorite quote is "Facebook Alert" which he yells EVERY SINGLE TIME that my phone rings, gets a text, gets a weather alert.....and to be clear I do NOT get "facebook alerts". Doesn't matter. He loves saying it. And now my 6 year old says it too. Touche, dear husband.
So, in truth, communication IS important. But, I mean not TOO much! For instance, the things I SAY in this blog...he has lived through...and I have probably muddled through it with him 10 million times....he's OVER hearing and definitely not going to want to READ about it. I am pretty sure that because I am so long winded (I like to call myself a "gifted storyteller") that our marriage survives because he has learned to tune out about 85% of the crap that comes out of my mouth. Somehow he sifts through it all and gets the point...most of the time. Of course, we DO have a child with severe food allergies and I have to leave more detailed directions for what my baby boy can eat/not eat and what to do in case of an emergency than I do for ANY 15 yr old babysitter. So maybe a LITTLE more listening would do him well. That said, I DO NOT want to hear a hole by hole recap of his golf game every weekend....or what the grain markets are doing....or how he needs to kill weeds in the yard. Nope. I filter him as well. All is fair game. So, yes, TALK people....just think about what is most important TO talk about! lol
2. BE WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND EMBRACE YOUR WEAKNESSES: Both my husband and I know we are NOT perfect individuals. We are willing to acknowledge areas that we fall short in life....for the most part. Best examples? My husband doesn't particularly like "people". You may play golf with him every week...but that does not mean he really likes you. You are just a golf partner. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I am pretty sure if I added up all words that he speaks during a round of golf it would not break triple digits.... When he comes home and says that he has been playing golf, if I ask, "With who?" and he says "With all my friends"....I know that means he has been playing ALONE. This being said, he ACKNOWLEDGES this and makes an effort to be social for me (and social for golf as well, let's get real)....he is willing to bite the bullet and go out to eat with others, socialize, go to parties, etc. None of this is for himself....he'd rather be home watching the Bourne Trilogy. But, he does it for me...because he knows I have been with kids a good portion of my day and that if I don't get out on the weekends and dance now and again that I might implode. On the other hand...what is my weakness? I am pretty much ALWAYS wrong. It's OK...I have come to terms with this. My husband has a FREAKISHLY good memory. If he says it happened...it did. He says I said it? I did. I pick out an outfit and am questioning it...MOST of the time, he is right in his opinion (not always...but pretty close). I am willing to sit back and wait for his answers before stepping forward...with big decisions especially. He's good, I am telling you. He knows what he is talking about in a ridiculous number of situations. This.....I admire!
3. AGREE ON NUMBER OF CHILDREN: When Richie and I got married, he said 2 kids were max....I said 2 or 3...we'd wait and see. Then I had lots of fertility issues. I became the woman who WANTED to live in a shoe with so many children she didn't know what to do....mainly b/c that's how it works, you want what you can't have. We were blessed with 2 beautiful girls. Then, when hubby was clearly done and my body was screaming, "NO! ONE MORE! PLEASE!"....I pouted my way into "trying" for #3. He was a good sport and a baby boy joined the familiy. So, really, I guess the lesson here is not to really "Agree" but just decide how many kids you want and let them know later. HA! Not really....seriously...that could really blow up in your face....escpecially if you are married to a man who openly declares "I am doing all that I ever plan on doing. Tapped out. All yours, honey." To his defense, my hubby has done more with our kids in the 8 short years of their lives than most men do in a lifetime. So, again...all is fair.
4. AGREE ON RELIGIOUS RAISING OF SAID CHILDREN: We both knew before children that our kids would be raised Catholic and go to Catholic schools. My husband had a GREAT graduating class and I really have enjoyed watching them grow and interact over the years -- even long after high school, they share a tie that my friends from high school and I might not have. I personally attribute this to the fact that he went to church with his friends.... regardless....our kids go to Catholic schools. But, really, that's the easy part. The hard part? Getting to church weekly...leading by example....showing kids they should be in the habit of church on Sunday (or Saturday night), being good stewards (teaching children't liturgy, taking up the gifts, etc), going to confession, etc. It's really the first in that list that is hardest for us...GETTING TO CHURCH. The 2 year old in this family has proven he SUCKS in church (Catholic church = NO NURSERY) . He is horrible. No pew will contain him...no wrestling move can restrain him...no amount of juice/fruit snacks will keep him from yelling "I NEED TO POTTY!", "LOOK, THERE'S JESUS!", "JESUS HAS A BEARD!" or "I WANNA GO HOME!" So, my hubby really likes to try and lay low with the lil guy at HOME. On occassion, this happens, but for the most part, I drag him along and he has a WWF smack down with my 2 year old throughout the entire church service. Listen, I am just trying to be the example....and drag my husband down with me. :-) I like that when Father John exits the church he finds my hubby and son sitting out on the sidewalk waiting for the girls and me....it proves we were there! LOL!
5. HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS: Obviously, I am married to a golf addict. I do not play....though we have talked about me trying couples golf. I will be the drunk one. But, my husband is married to a runner, book club member, and bunco gal. So, we all make sacrafices. When people ask me if it bothers me that my husband plays so much golf, I can really, truly, honestly say "No". Golf makes him HAPPY. He is a freaking GROUCH in the winter. Happy hubby=happy family. And, really, time away from one another is healthy. It shows the strength of the relationship. I mean, he's not joining me while I dance to Wii Michael Jackson Experience.....well, maybe occassionally....but NOT always! Again, know what makes your spouse happy...and let them DO IT....as long as what makes them happy isn't like heroine or prostitutes....
Having only been happily married for 14 years, I know I am just merely chipping the tip of the iceberg....and what works for my family may not work for yours AT ALL. I just know I am one happy girl....that is, until you tell my husband about this blog and then I shall hunt you down and haunt you.....
14 years ROCKS!!!!!!!
Happy Day All!
xoxo Jennifer
Monday, May 30, 2011
Family Vacations
Years before I started this blog, when something big or unusually unbelievable happened in my life, I would just document it in a long email to friends/family. My mom encouraged me to reshare some of those experiences. Problem #1: I can't REMEMBER them. I have early on-set dementia as established in an earlier blog....plus, I tend to block out scarring memories. Problem #2: I didn't save the emails. Evidentally, I accidentally deleted them all. My mom, of course, has saved some of these and I shall share one now. This is a recap of a visit to Hilton Head that I had with my two girls and hubby pre-birth of 3rd child. It's a true look back at what family vacays are REALLY like. Enjoy! And Happy Memorial Day!!!!!!
Written circa 2006
Written circa 2006
Hi everyone!
Most of you know that our crew just took a trip to Hilton Head. The time was SO unbelievable that I decided to journal the good, the bad, and the ugly for you. Basically, I am hoping that you will get a HUGE kick out of our adventures. This e-mail is long...read it or delete it at your leisure. I am just trying to spread the word on what REALLY goes down on family trips! Enjoy and have a laugh on me.....
Do you REALLY have any memories of family vacations when you were a very young child? Frolicking on the beach? Swimming in the surf? No, you say??? Yes, well that's because your parents were SANE. You see, family "vacation" is an extremely loose term to use when taking a 3.5 year old and a 16 mo. old out of town for a week. When someone tells you that it is "not bad at all" to take a trip toting children in tow, they are LIEING. It's best to know this up front...I am just being honest here.
OK, ok...our trip to Hilton Head really was a nice time. The girls had fun and it was good to get away from KY if only for a little bit. But, I have found SO many things to laugh at (and NOT laugh at) that I decided just to write it all down for you people so that you could experience a bit of the fun and honesty of it all. LOL This is the pent-up writing teacher in me that was just begging to get out...and what more fun way than to journal a bit reflecting on this experience and then share it with friends who I hope will have a fun laugh at it all. :-)
Let's start with the drive. HIlton Head is a good hard 10 hour drive from Owensboro. This is not fun for anyone involved...most definitely children. There were numerous bathroom stops...food stops...stops just to get OUT of the car...many games of peek-a-boo and such to TRY and keep my 16 month old from crying. The drive gets about a C...not bad, but could defintely have been better. I knew that my hubby would grow old with this trip just by seeing the blank stare in his eyes during an especially long screaming bout from my 16 month old. Both girls DID sleep a bit which helped.
My 3 year old learned early on that the coolers in the car held "snacks" so when we stopped for breakfast and lunch she ate as LITTLE as humanly possible so that she could hop back into the car and say "Mom, I am REALLY hungry. I think I need a snack." Smart kid.
This leads me to the the big sister-effect. Lil sis has evidentally listened to her big sister whine, "Mom!" sooooo many times now that she has STOPPED called me "ma-ma" in that sweet endearing voice of hers. Instead my baby also gives me the "Mom!" She started this battle cry at about Chattanooga and lasted the rest of the drive to HIlton Head, off and on. Good stuff. The drive ended up taking just over 11 hours. Did I mention that my 3 year old asked "When are we going to get to Hilton Head?" at the FIRST toll booth on the Natcher Pkwy. For those of you unfamiliar with our area....that is approximately 20 MILES from our house. Her fav question was repeated at LEAST 50 times over the course of the next 11 hours. She has ALREADY laid down the law that she does NOT want to go to HIlton Head again because it is just "TOO FAR!" This trip was starting out on a GRAND note!
The weather in HIlton Head was not its most agreeable on this trip. There was a 50% chance of rain everyday... and it rained everyday. Most days it held off until the afternoon so we could take advantage and hit the beach early in the a.m. We would spend about 2 hours on the beach in the a.m. -- 8-10 or 9-11 approx. It was at the 2 hour mark that my 16 month olf would shoot her wad and be DONE with the whole experience. By this time there was sand in ALL of her orafices. Big sis intentionally (at least I contend it to be intentional) lost her yellow shovel in the ocean on day 3 at the beach because she had seen a pink one at the local children's museum that she "really, really needed".
HIlton Head has no dining facilities beachside so each day we would trudge our sandy butts back to the condo, I would quickly bathe both girls and get them ready so that we could go to eat lunch. All of this was extremely time sensitive because a 16 mo. old REQUIRES an afternoon nap. A highlight of the trip was the lunch that we went to that was about a 15 min. drive. 16 month old fell asleep on the way there and stayed asleep for the first part of lunch for about a 20 min. grand total rest. 3 year old fell asleep on the way HOME from the same lunch for a 15 min. snooze. Despite great efforts by both parents, both girls were DONE with napping for the day. Those of you who have no kids are thinking, "So what???" Those of you with kids are silently screaming "DEAR GOD! No more nap!!!???!!" Yes, it DOES make for an especially long and cranky day for all involved.
Now, getting on with things here, the beach time was pretty much overcast for the most part. But I diligently put SPF50 sunscreen on both girls each day. I, on the other hand, never once applied sunscreen except to my face. I am NOT exaggerating when I say that BOTH of my girls have tan lines...my 16 mo old is especially brown as a berry. My husband is ALWAYS part-Mexican in his tanning abilities. And me??? No....not a SINGLE tan line. Nothing, Nada. As in my husband's own words, "That's so WEIRD that you didn't get any more sun! You STILL blend in with the sand." And, yes, HHI has white sand beaches. So, I guess I can go and run after children on the beach for 2 hours each day and literally dodge sun rays.
And for what it is worth, a 2 hour beach trip with two small children goes something like this.....child runs to the waves, almost gets hit by bikers on the beach and nearly gives mom a heart attack, child falls into the water and gets mouthful of saltwater, cries a bit, runs out of the water, nearly gets hit by walkers/joggers on the beach, digs in sand, since child is wet sand sticks to all external surfaces, child rubs nose due to snotty cold she has, sand goes ALL over her face, up nose, dangerously near eyes, child cries and dodges mother as she tries to wipe sand from face, child sees beach bag and dashes for it, throws all clean towels and supplies onto sandy beach to get to sippy cup, drinks juice, drops sippie cup into sand, it is now also covered, child continues to drink getting sand in her mouth, child tries to use shovel as a spoon to eat the sand, she spies waves and runs to the water...cycle starts over until inconsolable crying fit at about the 1.5-2 hour mark at which you scramble to collect ALL gear and get the hell out of Dodge as FAST as possible.
Let's move onto what one would hope to be a happier time...shopping. HHI has two GREAT outlet centers. Every store one could ever want. It makes great sense that we would head there. My first stop was the Coach outlet. Well, when my 3 year heard that I was going to shop for purses....she was ALL over that! Off we go...hubby takes baby to some unknown destination. I know that I am in serious trouble when I see my 3 year old pick up a small lime green Coach bag that matches her outfit PERFECTLY. She throws it over her shoulder, walks to a nearby mirror, takes one look at her reflection and announces, "It's PERFECT!" Hoooo Boy! By the time we leave, she has selected a lavendar bag and is begging me to "PLEASE" get down the matching wallet because she "really, really, REALLY needs it!" In order to get OUT of the store, I end up promising that I will buy her a pink purse AND a pink dress at another store. Thank goodness that an Old Navy store was close by and fit the bill. Phew! The Coach ladies have warned me that I am in BIG trouble....like I didn't already KNOW that.
Now, this is my FAVORITE topic....dining out. Since we were in Hilton Head during what was still considered to be "peak" season, you can imagine the dilemma here. Eat at an ungodly early hour and catch an early bird special (egads!) in order to avoid all crowds OR go to eat at a normal time but then end up waiting 45 min to an hour at which time you have two hungry, insane children on your hands...and you are so weak with hunger yourself that the cocktail you had while waiting has looped you off your feet. Really, most days we were extremely lucky. Hit a couple of restaurants early and lucked out with a couple of restuarants on other days.
There is the one small problem of my 3 year old pooping at EVERY restaurant that we went to all week. No, I am not kidding...a child of MINE is as regular as clockwork....and it appears that her alarm is set for dinnertime. So each night, we would arrive at a restuarant of choice, sit down and order, and immediately she would ask to go to the restroom. Well, we would enter the stall and I would line the toilet seat with t.p. like any dutiful mom...and then she would announce loud enough for EVERYONE to hear, "OK, get out. I need some privacy!" This always got rounds of laughter in the ladies' room, but also left me hanging OUTSIDE her stall like some weird-o stalker. My 3 year old is a dawdler...let's get this straight. Peeking through the stall door would find her talking to herself, singing, playing make believe...who knows! But, I basically spent a lot of my vacation in public restrooms waiting for her to yell, "I'm DONE!"
Now, my very very fave place to eat in HHI is Marley's Island Grille. There is always a wait here...no matter WHAT time you go. So, we bite the bullet one night and settle in for the not-so-hideous 35-45 min. wait. It is terribly hot and humid outside but overcast and there IS a bar and outside seating with live music...so we are OK. After about 40 min. into the wait, we KNOW that we are on-deck for a table but the natives are getting restless so I put my 16 mo old down to walk around a bit since she is going to have to sit throughout dinner anyway. She makes nice with all kinds of people but keeps heading for the stairs SO I take her down to a small paved area around some landscaping. My 3 year old comes with us. They are happy and running together.
I should state here that there is ONE small water/mud puddle on the pavement but we are quite a ways from it. I literally turn to make sure that my 3 year old isn't running away and when I turn back to find my 16 mo old is b-lining for the puddle. I make the dash....but not fast enough. She trips just inches from the puddle and lands....face first no less IN the puddle. She then ROLLS out of the puddle into the mulched area before I can scoop her up. I am ASTONISHED at this point.. What the HECK just happened? I yell for MY THREE YEAR OLD to go get Daddy (who has the diaper bag with wipes, rags, etc)...she's off like a shot. 16 mo old is COVERED in dirty and filth and REALLY doesn't care. She is struggling to get away from me. 3 year old returns with Daddy but SANS diaper bag so he goes BACK to get that. I am trying to wrestle a toddler who keeps trying to run away and who is dripping wet. I finally say "No! Stay still." THIS pisses her off big time. The crying begins....now everyone on the patio is taking in the freak show. My husband is back and I am trying to clean up the mess. I manage to get her face and hands pretty well....all while stooping on the ground and managing to put the back of my skirt into the SAME water puddle that SHE fell into. NO I am not kidding. I get her to the point of passable and then return to our outdoor waiting spot AWAY from the puddle. 16 month old is still crying and trying to get away from me to walk. While trying to wrestle her, I manage to knock over my pina colada. Serenity now!
I realize that I am going to HAVE to change her clothes at this point...she is drenched. Luckily I DO have one very UGLY outfit in the diaper bag SO...I head to the truck with her and the diaper bag. Now I am carrying her away from my body to keep from getting anymore wet or dirty than I already am...she is screaming bloody murder. All...the...way...to...the...truck. I get her changed despite much snuffing and crying on her part and I hear the first big roll of thunder as I am buttoning up the back of her shirt. As I close the truck door and comment to her, "We gotta hurry, girl!" the first major droplet of rain hits me square on the head. I begin sprinting to the restaurant and am DOUSED with rain in the process. It was a t-total downpour. We were both drowned rats by the time we got to the door. By this time, we DID have a table. When we get inside and I comment on my total disbelief of this entire situation, and my hubby gives me gives me the very helpful speech about how I "don't understand the whole idea of Murphy's Law. There was no WAY that she wasn't going to go straight for that mud puddle...I just should have expected it." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am pretty certain that the neighboring table really appreciated my toddler's intermittant crying the rest of the meal.
Outside of these lovely incidents, my kids are PRETTY good in restaurants. I will say that they seem to have subsisted throughout the week on bread and french fries so I am fairly certain that they both have ricketts or some other hideous vitamin deficiency.
What? Escape HHI and family vacation without any major injuries? Has this e-mail taught you NOTHING????? Last day of vacation: we are sitting around in the a.m. debating on whether or not to brave the beach. It is pretty overcast and could rain. I notice that my toddler is in great need of having her fingernails cut. Now, she has never been one to appreciate the art of a mani. She refuses to sit still enough for me to do it, therefore this has always been a chore that my hubby takes on. So, he begins clipping away. Manages to get to the last finger (thumb on the left hand to be exact) when disaster strikes.
She moves, hubby follows through with the clipping motion, and the end result is not pretty. We basically have a child with a chunk cut from her fingertip. There is LOTS of blood and crying. She is screaming like a banshee (rightly so), my 3 year old is crying because my 16 mo old is crying, and my hubby is DIEING that this has happened. I still maintain that we were dangerously close to her needing stitches, but I managed to control the bleeding after about 15 min. of constant pressure. My hubby, in an attempt to help soothe my 16 mo old, goes to get her some juice. Little does he know, the disposable sippie cups that we brought for vacation require that the lids be TIGHTLY snapped on. When he goes to tip the sippie cup back for her, the entire cup of juice spills all over both her and me. Now we are covered in blood and juice! Damn that Mr. Murphy and his law!
Amazingly, I DID pack a first aid travel kit by the GRACE of God! (Thank goodness for my incessant OCD packing!) We bandaged my baby up and she was good (not great) about the whole situation. She cried pretty much off and on for the rest of the morning. The chunk of flesh that is still clinging to her thumb is REALLY disgusting...I even took her to the dr. today to make SURE that I didn't mess up with not doing stitches. Dr. said she is fine...the skin will die and fall off (ewww!) and she will have a bit of a scar. Otherwise, she is good.
So...since you are receiving this e-mail, you know that we ARE home and did all survive the big family vacation. Would I take back all of the chaos and craziness from this trip?? Not for all the money in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!! That being said, I see that it is ONLY fair to send this e-mail out as advance notice for all you crazies out there considering your OWN fun-filled family outings! :-)
Hope I gave you a laugh or two today!!!!! And as a quick P.S.: Murphy is STILL hanging around our house. I typed most of this last night....the computer went out during a storm and I LOST it. Good times :-)
Hee hee! That is one old email! I have a more recent, yet equally funny DisneyWorld email vacation play by play that I sent out. But, I don't have that one saved either. If you have it...feel free to forward it back to me and I shall post it. I can't make this stuff up, people. This just really IS my life :-)
xoxo Jennifer
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Put the "Fun" in "Fundraising"
So, one night over dinner (and drinks....as will become obvious as you read this) a brainchild was BORN. I can not, and will not take full credit. There were other great (sick?) minds at work on this one. This event could raise money...encourage exercise...and let us eat and drink to our hearts desire while simultaneously promoting exercise and portion control. Yes....I know...it sounds like the perfect storm. And after two glasses of wine, it was SHEER GENIUS and we were ready to start silk screening t-shirts for the event. Yep....the "Fast Food Crawl".
The basic idea being a group of us park at a starting point in town and walk, bike, run, crawl, whatever... to hit all our favorite fast food hot spots. For instance, we might walk to Burger King to grab a bfast sandwich, then on down Parrish Ave. to Lic's Ice Cream, Koehler's Bakery, McD's (to rehydrate with those great $1 drinks), Big Dipper, THEN hit the Greenbelt and walk to the MAIN food street in town. Think of the possibilities on Frederica Street?!?!? Olive Garden, Applebee's, Chick-fil-A, Panera, Arby's, Great Harvest, Pizzaroma, Zaxby's, Coldstone Creamery, Texas Roadhouse....on and on...until we end our Crawl at the Waffle House as all good late-nighters end (because between all the laughter, bloatedness, and side stitches this WILL take all night!). We ARE the fast food capital of the world and all. TAKE ADVANTAGE, PEOPLE!
Let's examine the POSITIVE messages being sent from such an event:
#1. We'd be WALKING (or jogging, biking) so physical activity is a huge portion of this effort.
#2. When eating THAT many different places...one muse use portion control. For instance, we can't ALL eat a double cheeseburger at the Dipper, that would sort of end the trip for most all involved....a few people who are the "foodies" of that joint can order a couple items and then everyone gets a TASTE. NOT eat the entire item themselves! Excellent message to children everywhere: you can SHARE your food, get a small taste, and still feel fullfilled.
#3. We could print shirts and advertise the event...open to all...any entry fees or shirt purchases could benefit local food banks. I KNOW local businesses would be lobbying for a bunch of sweaty ladies to come a-strolling into their restaurant wearing THEIR restaurant's logo on shirts. What better advertising? I mean, people are will to walk across the TOWN to eat your food! Sweet!
#4. Commaraderie....I mean, when do girls get together and do something THIS silly? OK, other than Bunco every month. BUT, this is for CHARITY. Hence, a much better cause than "I just need to get away from my crazy kids."
I personally would like to lobby for the Junior League of Owensboro to sponsor this event. I can say this because I am not a member....and don't plan on ever becoming a member....but, let's just say, if JLO buys into THIS as a good example of "teaching children exercise and portion control", well then I may be forced to review my stance on joining!!!!! I need to be around more people that think like me, certainly!
Other fundraising ideas? My neighbor who makes fun of us "runners" has insisted for years that he is going to host a "1K" named after himself (I think the main road we live on is about 1 K down and back). He has a FANTASTIC and actual REAL charity to donate toward. I have tried to also encourage this. But we have discussed and agreed that a few things must happen....at the half-K mark, you must stop and CARB UP. Beer or goo packs and lots of water before finishing. The finish line would definitely include a keg on the other side and a buffet from Moonlite BBQ....mac and cheese, corn bread, whole 9 yards. Since our neighborhood is not huge and MOST people in the hood are active, I think everyone would be IN LIKE FLYNN and we wouldn't even have to CLOSE any city streets to do this. Seriously? A hilariously funny short run, with funny people, and drinks at the end...plus, money to worthy charity? Another perfect storm.
Maybe there are organizations here in the 'boro that need fundraising ideas? OBVIOUSLY, I need to be a go-to person for them. I have a huge team of people around me that actually (scarily) think LIKE me. Sooooo pick up your forks people and tie on those running shoes....I see a "fun"draiser in our future!!!!!!!!
Have a great day, all!
xoxo
The basic idea being a group of us park at a starting point in town and walk, bike, run, crawl, whatever... to hit all our favorite fast food hot spots. For instance, we might walk to Burger King to grab a bfast sandwich, then on down Parrish Ave. to Lic's Ice Cream, Koehler's Bakery, McD's (to rehydrate with those great $1 drinks), Big Dipper, THEN hit the Greenbelt and walk to the MAIN food street in town. Think of the possibilities on Frederica Street?!?!? Olive Garden, Applebee's, Chick-fil-A, Panera, Arby's, Great Harvest, Pizzaroma, Zaxby's, Coldstone Creamery, Texas Roadhouse....on and on...until we end our Crawl at the Waffle House as all good late-nighters end (because between all the laughter, bloatedness, and side stitches this WILL take all night!). We ARE the fast food capital of the world and all. TAKE ADVANTAGE, PEOPLE!
Let's examine the POSITIVE messages being sent from such an event:
#1. We'd be WALKING (or jogging, biking) so physical activity is a huge portion of this effort.
#2. When eating THAT many different places...one muse use portion control. For instance, we can't ALL eat a double cheeseburger at the Dipper, that would sort of end the trip for most all involved....a few people who are the "foodies" of that joint can order a couple items and then everyone gets a TASTE. NOT eat the entire item themselves! Excellent message to children everywhere: you can SHARE your food, get a small taste, and still feel fullfilled.
#3. We could print shirts and advertise the event...open to all...any entry fees or shirt purchases could benefit local food banks. I KNOW local businesses would be lobbying for a bunch of sweaty ladies to come a-strolling into their restaurant wearing THEIR restaurant's logo on shirts. What better advertising? I mean, people are will to walk across the TOWN to eat your food! Sweet!
#4. Commaraderie....I mean, when do girls get together and do something THIS silly? OK, other than Bunco every month. BUT, this is for CHARITY. Hence, a much better cause than "I just need to get away from my crazy kids."
I personally would like to lobby for the Junior League of Owensboro to sponsor this event. I can say this because I am not a member....and don't plan on ever becoming a member....but, let's just say, if JLO buys into THIS as a good example of "teaching children exercise and portion control", well then I may be forced to review my stance on joining!!!!! I need to be around more people that think like me, certainly!
Other fundraising ideas? My neighbor who makes fun of us "runners" has insisted for years that he is going to host a "1K" named after himself (I think the main road we live on is about 1 K down and back). He has a FANTASTIC and actual REAL charity to donate toward. I have tried to also encourage this. But we have discussed and agreed that a few things must happen....at the half-K mark, you must stop and CARB UP. Beer or goo packs and lots of water before finishing. The finish line would definitely include a keg on the other side and a buffet from Moonlite BBQ....mac and cheese, corn bread, whole 9 yards. Since our neighborhood is not huge and MOST people in the hood are active, I think everyone would be IN LIKE FLYNN and we wouldn't even have to CLOSE any city streets to do this. Seriously? A hilariously funny short run, with funny people, and drinks at the end...plus, money to worthy charity? Another perfect storm.
Maybe there are organizations here in the 'boro that need fundraising ideas? OBVIOUSLY, I need to be a go-to person for them. I have a huge team of people around me that actually (scarily) think LIKE me. Sooooo pick up your forks people and tie on those running shoes....I see a "fun"draiser in our future!!!!!!!!
Have a great day, all!
xoxo
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