How to Achieve Wedded Bliss

Yep....I know it is hard to believe people.  But, as of today, I have been married to my hubby for 14 years.  Wahoo!  This also means that I must have gotten married at like age 8 year old, right????

So, we all know that NO ONE has the "perfect" marriage.  But, I am open to offering advice.  I mean, isn't that what this blog is all about?  Advice and warnings and general mundane life in general?  So, here are some of the key elements that keep my marriage healthy and happy:

1.  COMMUNICATION:  This is an obvious one.  But, allow me to let you in on a secret.  My husband doesn't even KNOW that I have this BLOG.  Yes, you just read that.  In fact, when eating with a friend one night, I told her this when she asked what my hubby thought about my blog...and she said THAT mere fact was funnier than anything I could ever write on the blog.  The fact my husband doesn't even know that I HAVE one. LOL.  Well, to be fair, there have been a few of you who (in his presence) have mentioned my blog....and my husband has literally asked "What's a BLOG?"  I (while usually motioning a cut throat sign to the person speaking) bark out something akin to "it's a Facebook thing..."  Because....he ALSO is anti-Facebook.  Not a clue.  No idea.  Cracks me UP!  His favorite quote is "Facebook Alert" which he yells EVERY SINGLE TIME that my phone rings, gets a text, gets a weather alert.....and to be clear I do NOT get "facebook alerts".  Doesn't matter.  He loves saying it.  And now my 6 year old says it too.  Touche, dear husband. 

So, in truth, communication IS important.  But, I mean not TOO much!  For instance, the things I SAY in this blog...he has lived through...and I have probably muddled through it with him 10 million times....he's OVER hearing and definitely not going to want to READ about it.  I am pretty sure that because I am so long winded (I like to call myself a "gifted storyteller") that our marriage survives because he has learned to tune out about 85% of the crap that comes out of my mouth.  Somehow he sifts through it all and gets the point...most of the time.  Of course, we DO have a child with severe food allergies and I have to leave more detailed directions for what my baby boy can eat/not eat and what to do in case of an emergency than I do for ANY 15 yr old babysitter.  So maybe a LITTLE more listening would do him well.  That said, I DO NOT want to hear a hole by hole recap of his golf game every weekend....or what the grain markets are doing....or how he needs to kill weeds in the yard.  Nope.  I filter him as well.  All is fair game.  So, yes, TALK people....just think about what is most important TO talk about!  lol

2.  BE WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND EMBRACE YOUR WEAKNESSES:  Both my husband and I know we are NOT perfect individuals.  We are willing to acknowledge areas that we fall short in life....for the most part.  Best examples?  My husband doesn't particularly like "people".  You may play golf with him every week...but that does not mean he really likes you.  You are just a golf partner.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.   I am pretty sure if I added up all words that he speaks during a round of golf it would not break triple digits....  When he comes home and says that he has been playing golf, if I ask, "With who?" and he says "With all my friends"....I know that means he has been playing ALONE.  This being said, he ACKNOWLEDGES this and makes an effort to be social for me (and social for golf as well, let's get real)....he is willing to bite the bullet and go out to eat with others, socialize, go to parties, etc.  None of this is for himself....he'd rather be home watching the Bourne Trilogy.  But, he does it for me...because he knows I have been with kids a good portion of my day and that if I don't get out on the weekends and dance now and again that I might implode.  On the other hand...what is my weakness?  I am pretty much ALWAYS wrong.  It's OK...I have come to terms with this.  My husband has a FREAKISHLY good memory.  If he says it happened...it did.  He says I said it?  I did.  I pick out an outfit and am questioning it...MOST of the time, he is right in his opinion (not always...but pretty close).  I am willing to sit back and wait for his answers before stepping forward...with big decisions especially.  He's good, I am telling you.  He knows what he is talking about in a ridiculous number of situations.  This.....I admire!

3.  AGREE ON NUMBER OF CHILDREN:  When Richie and I got married, he said 2 kids were max....I said 2 or 3...we'd wait and see.  Then I had lots of fertility issues.  I became the woman who WANTED to live in a shoe with so many children she didn't know what to do....mainly b/c that's how it works, you want what you can't have.  We were blessed with 2 beautiful girls.  Then, when hubby was clearly done and my body was screaming, "NO! ONE MORE! PLEASE!"....I pouted my way into "trying" for #3.  He was a good sport and a baby boy joined the familiy.  So, really, I guess the lesson here is not to really "Agree" but just decide how many kids you want and let them know later.  HA!  Not really....seriously...that could really blow up in your face....escpecially if you are married to a man who openly declares "I am doing all that I ever plan on doing.  Tapped out.  All yours, honey."  To his defense, my hubby has done more with our kids in the 8 short years of their lives than most men do in a lifetime.  So, again...all is fair.

4.  AGREE ON RELIGIOUS RAISING OF SAID CHILDREN:  We both knew before children that our kids would be raised Catholic and go to Catholic schools.  My husband had a GREAT graduating class and I really have enjoyed watching them grow and interact over the years -- even long after high school, they share a tie that my friends from high school and I might not have.  I personally attribute this to the fact that he went to church with his friends....  regardless....our kids go to Catholic schools.  But, really, that's the easy part.  The hard part?  Getting to church weekly...leading by example....showing kids they should be in the habit of church on Sunday (or Saturday night), being good stewards (teaching children't liturgy, taking up the gifts, etc), going to confession, etc.  It's really the first in that list that is hardest for us...GETTING TO CHURCH.  The 2 year old in this family has proven he SUCKS in church (Catholic church = NO NURSERY) .  He is horrible.  No pew will contain him...no wrestling move can restrain him...no amount of juice/fruit snacks will keep him from yelling "I NEED TO POTTY!", "LOOK, THERE'S JESUS!", "JESUS HAS A BEARD!" or "I WANNA GO HOME!"  So, my hubby really likes to try and lay low with the lil guy at HOME.  On occassion, this happens, but for the most part, I drag him along and he has a WWF smack down with my 2 year old throughout the entire church service.  Listen, I am just trying to be the example....and drag my husband down with me. :-)  I like that when Father John exits the church he finds my hubby and son sitting out on the sidewalk waiting for the girls and me....it proves we were there!  LOL!

5.  HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS:  Obviously, I am married to a golf addict. I do not play....though we have talked about me trying couples golf.  I will be the drunk one.  But, my husband is married to a runner, book club member, and bunco gal.  So, we all make sacrafices.  When people ask me if it bothers me that my husband plays so much golf, I can really, truly, honestly say "No".  Golf makes him HAPPY.  He is a freaking GROUCH in the winter.  Happy hubby=happy family.  And, really, time away from one another is healthy.  It shows the strength of the relationship.  I mean, he's not joining me while I dance to Wii Michael Jackson Experience.....well, maybe occassionally....but NOT always!  Again, know what makes your spouse happy...and let them DO IT....as long as what makes them happy isn't like heroine or prostitutes....

Having only been happily married for 14 years, I know I am just merely chipping the tip of the iceberg....and what works for my family may not work for yours AT ALL.  I just know I am one happy girl....that is, until you tell my husband about this blog and then I shall hunt you down and haunt you.....

14 years ROCKS!!!!!!!

Happy Day All!
xoxo Jennifer