Did I Pass or Fail?

So, I am going to let you decide, did I pass or fail today?

There is one homily (sermon to all you non-Catholics out there) that I always remember.  It's really just a story.  It is about a man who has a dream...Jesus tells him in the dream that he will be coming to see him tomorrow, so be ready.  The man makes a feast, cleans his house, rolls out the red carpet, etc.  A knock on the door...it's a little boy who is asking for money, he is hungry.  The man turns his away saying that he is awaiting company.  Another knock at the door, it is a widow who is asking for water...she is thirsty.  The man turns her away as well.  Third knock on the door, it is an old dirty man looking for a place to rest his head...he is tired.  The man of the house turns him away.  There are no more knocks on the door.  That night the man dreams and Jesus appears to him again...when he asks Jesus why he didn't come to the house like he promised Jesus explained, "I did come...three times.  And you turned me away each time."

Cut to me.  Sitting at lunch today with all 3 of my kids (Election Day= no school).  They are running a bit amok...I am trying to get them settled/fed/not lose anyone.  We are at Great Harvest...WONDERFUL store and restaurant that gives away slices of bread while you are waiting, etc.  I am aware of a man...just a plain man...who comes in.  I don't know if he orders or just gets a slice of bread, but I am just aware that he is in the restaurant/store.  As I am trying to corral children, he is suddenly at my table and says to me, "Can I borrow your phone?"

I promise that the ENTIRE homily above flashes through my mind in this SPLIT instance.  I consider telling him that I left my phone in the van....hell, I have a purse and a diaper bag I don't even REALLY know where my phone is.  Plus, who IS this guy?   But, I can't lie.  I just can't.  So I go a different route.  "Who do you need to call?"  I ask.

After a moment of stumbling over his words he says, "Well, kind of like my case worker....my phone just died and I don't have a way to recharge it."  With no judgement intended here...I can tell that this is probably a lie.  He MAY have phone that DIED...but I guarantee that had I asked him to show it...he would have walked away.

Cut to me:  CASE WORKER?  OK....he uses my phone and one of two things happen.  #1. He runs out of this restaurant with my phone, all my contact info, pics of my kids, email access and I never see him again.  or #2.  he indeed calls his case worker...and my # pops up on THEIR system....so the NEXT time he is to "check in" I am going to be getting a call looking for a man who borrowed my phone at a store.  PANIC.  So, calmly and casually I say, "Have you asked them behind the counter?  I bet they have a phone you can use."

He says "Ok, thanks"....hangs around the counter until he is noticed .... and does indeed use a phone (presumably the restaurant's) to make a call.  This whole time I am feeling like DIRT.  Really, truly like DIRT.  Have I just turned away Jesus?  Just because he was a bit different?  Because he asked me something odd?  Because he has a case worker?  I am feeling very bad about myself.  My girls are asking about the situation and I am just deflecting....he can use the phone here...I am not sure where mine is...plus I really didn't want to give my phone to a stranger.  Again, feeling BAD.

As the gentleman leaves the restaurant, he looks at me and says cordially, "Thanks for the tip."  And I exchange with "You're welcome.  Have a great day."

Still feel bad.

As I get into my van....there, sitting on my console, is my phone.  Had I gone with the gut instict of saying I left my phone in the van, I would NOT have been lieing.  It was the truth.  My phone was IN the van. 

So, I am still unsure if I passed God's test today....or if it was even a test at all.  I turned the stranger away...but gave him another way to meet his needs while still keeping my family/phone safe.  But, I don't know if those things cancel one another out or not. 

But finding my phone to be in the van seemed like a positive sign to me.....

Have a happy day, all!
xoxo