Written circa 2006
Hi everyone!
Most of you know that our crew just took a trip to Hilton Head. The time was SO unbelievable that I decided to journal the good, the bad, and the ugly for you. Basically, I am hoping that you will get a HUGE kick out of our adventures. This e-mail is long...read it or delete it at your leisure. I am just trying to spread the word on what REALLY goes down on family trips! Enjoy and have a laugh on me.....
Do you REALLY have any memories of family vacations when you were a very young child? Frolicking on the beach? Swimming in the surf? No, you say??? Yes, well that's because your parents were SANE. You see, family "vacation" is an extremely loose term to use when taking a 3.5 year old and a 16 mo. old out of town for a week. When someone tells you that it is "not bad at all" to take a trip toting children in tow, they are LIEING. It's best to know this up front...I am just being honest here.
OK, ok...our trip to Hilton Head really was a nice time. The girls had fun and it was good to get away from KY if only for a little bit. But, I have found SO many things to laugh at (and NOT laugh at) that I decided just to write it all down for you people so that you could experience a bit of the fun and honesty of it all. LOL This is the pent-up writing teacher in me that was just begging to get out...and what more fun way than to journal a bit reflecting on this experience and then share it with friends who I hope will have a fun laugh at it all. :-)
Let's start with the drive. HIlton Head is a good hard 10 hour drive from Owensboro. This is not fun for anyone involved...most definitely children. There were numerous bathroom stops...food stops...stops just to get OUT of the car...many games of peek-a-boo and such to TRY and keep my 16 month old from crying. The drive gets about a C...not bad, but could defintely have been better. I knew that my hubby would grow old with this trip just by seeing the blank stare in his eyes during an especially long screaming bout from my 16 month old. Both girls DID sleep a bit which helped.
My 3 year old learned early on that the coolers in the car held "snacks" so when we stopped for breakfast and lunch she ate as LITTLE as humanly possible so that she could hop back into the car and say "Mom, I am REALLY hungry. I think I need a snack." Smart kid.
This leads me to the the big sister-effect. Lil sis has evidentally listened to her big sister whine, "Mom!" sooooo many times now that she has STOPPED called me "ma-ma" in that sweet endearing voice of hers. Instead my baby also gives me the "Mom!" She started this battle cry at about Chattanooga and lasted the rest of the drive to HIlton Head, off and on. Good stuff. The drive ended up taking just over 11 hours. Did I mention that my 3 year old asked "When are we going to get to Hilton Head?" at the FIRST toll booth on the Natcher Pkwy. For those of you unfamiliar with our area....that is approximately 20 MILES from our house. Her fav question was repeated at LEAST 50 times over the course of the next 11 hours. She has ALREADY laid down the law that she does NOT want to go to HIlton Head again because it is just "TOO FAR!" This trip was starting out on a GRAND note!
The weather in HIlton Head was not its most agreeable on this trip. There was a 50% chance of rain everyday... and it rained everyday. Most days it held off until the afternoon so we could take advantage and hit the beach early in the a.m. We would spend about 2 hours on the beach in the a.m. -- 8-10 or 9-11 approx. It was at the 2 hour mark that my 16 month olf would shoot her wad and be DONE with the whole experience. By this time there was sand in ALL of her orafices. Big sis intentionally (at least I contend it to be intentional) lost her yellow shovel in the ocean on day 3 at the beach because she had seen a pink one at the local children's museum that she "really, really needed".
HIlton Head has no dining facilities beachside so each day we would trudge our sandy butts back to the condo, I would quickly bathe both girls and get them ready so that we could go to eat lunch. All of this was extremely time sensitive because a 16 mo. old REQUIRES an afternoon nap. A highlight of the trip was the lunch that we went to that was about a 15 min. drive. 16 month old fell asleep on the way there and stayed asleep for the first part of lunch for about a 20 min. grand total rest. 3 year old fell asleep on the way HOME from the same lunch for a 15 min. snooze. Despite great efforts by both parents, both girls were DONE with napping for the day. Those of you who have no kids are thinking, "So what???" Those of you with kids are silently screaming "DEAR GOD! No more nap!!!???!!" Yes, it DOES make for an especially long and cranky day for all involved.
Now, getting on with things here, the beach time was pretty much overcast for the most part. But I diligently put SPF50 sunscreen on both girls each day. I, on the other hand, never once applied sunscreen except to my face. I am NOT exaggerating when I say that BOTH of my girls have tan lines...my 16 mo old is especially brown as a berry. My husband is ALWAYS part-Mexican in his tanning abilities. And me??? No....not a SINGLE tan line. Nothing, Nada. As in my husband's own words, "That's so WEIRD that you didn't get any more sun! You STILL blend in with the sand." And, yes, HHI has white sand beaches. So, I guess I can go and run after children on the beach for 2 hours each day and literally dodge sun rays.
And for what it is worth, a 2 hour beach trip with two small children goes something like this.....child runs to the waves, almost gets hit by bikers on the beach and nearly gives mom a heart attack, child falls into the water and gets mouthful of saltwater, cries a bit, runs out of the water, nearly gets hit by walkers/joggers on the beach, digs in sand, since child is wet sand sticks to all external surfaces, child rubs nose due to snotty cold she has, sand goes ALL over her face, up nose, dangerously near eyes, child cries and dodges mother as she tries to wipe sand from face, child sees beach bag and dashes for it, throws all clean towels and supplies onto sandy beach to get to sippy cup, drinks juice, drops sippie cup into sand, it is now also covered, child continues to drink getting sand in her mouth, child tries to use shovel as a spoon to eat the sand, she spies waves and runs to the water...cycle starts over until inconsolable crying fit at about the 1.5-2 hour mark at which you scramble to collect ALL gear and get the hell out of Dodge as FAST as possible.
Let's move onto what one would hope to be a happier time...shopping. HHI has two GREAT outlet centers. Every store one could ever want. It makes great sense that we would head there. My first stop was the Coach outlet. Well, when my 3 year heard that I was going to shop for purses....she was ALL over that! Off we go...hubby takes baby to some unknown destination. I know that I am in serious trouble when I see my 3 year old pick up a small lime green Coach bag that matches her outfit PERFECTLY. She throws it over her shoulder, walks to a nearby mirror, takes one look at her reflection and announces, "It's PERFECT!" Hoooo Boy! By the time we leave, she has selected a lavendar bag and is begging me to "PLEASE" get down the matching wallet because she "really, really, REALLY needs it!" In order to get OUT of the store, I end up promising that I will buy her a pink purse AND a pink dress at another store. Thank goodness that an Old Navy store was close by and fit the bill. Phew! The Coach ladies have warned me that I am in BIG trouble....like I didn't already KNOW that.
Now, this is my FAVORITE topic....dining out. Since we were in Hilton Head during what was still considered to be "peak" season, you can imagine the dilemma here. Eat at an ungodly early hour and catch an early bird special (egads!) in order to avoid all crowds OR go to eat at a normal time but then end up waiting 45 min to an hour at which time you have two hungry, insane children on your hands...and you are so weak with hunger yourself that the cocktail you had while waiting has looped you off your feet. Really, most days we were extremely lucky. Hit a couple of restaurants early and lucked out with a couple of restuarants on other days.
There is the one small problem of my 3 year old pooping at EVERY restaurant that we went to all week. No, I am not kidding...a child of MINE is as regular as clockwork....and it appears that her alarm is set for dinnertime. So each night, we would arrive at a restuarant of choice, sit down and order, and immediately she would ask to go to the restroom. Well, we would enter the stall and I would line the toilet seat with t.p. like any dutiful mom...and then she would announce loud enough for EVERYONE to hear, "OK, get out. I need some privacy!" This always got rounds of laughter in the ladies' room, but also left me hanging OUTSIDE her stall like some weird-o stalker. My 3 year old is a dawdler...let's get this straight. Peeking through the stall door would find her talking to herself, singing, playing make believe...who knows! But, I basically spent a lot of my vacation in public restrooms waiting for her to yell, "I'm DONE!"
Now, my very very fave place to eat in HHI is Marley's Island Grille. There is always a wait here...no matter WHAT time you go. So, we bite the bullet one night and settle in for the not-so-hideous 35-45 min. wait. It is terribly hot and humid outside but overcast and there IS a bar and outside seating with live music...so we are OK. After about 40 min. into the wait, we KNOW that we are on-deck for a table but the natives are getting restless so I put my 16 mo old down to walk around a bit since she is going to have to sit throughout dinner anyway. She makes nice with all kinds of people but keeps heading for the stairs SO I take her down to a small paved area around some landscaping. My 3 year old comes with us. They are happy and running together.
I should state here that there is ONE small water/mud puddle on the pavement but we are quite a ways from it. I literally turn to make sure that my 3 year old isn't running away and when I turn back to find my 16 mo old is b-lining for the puddle. I make the dash....but not fast enough. She trips just inches from the puddle and lands....face first no less IN the puddle. She then ROLLS out of the puddle into the mulched area before I can scoop her up. I am ASTONISHED at this point.. What the HECK just happened? I yell for MY THREE YEAR OLD to go get Daddy (who has the diaper bag with wipes, rags, etc)...she's off like a shot. 16 mo old is COVERED in dirty and filth and REALLY doesn't care. She is struggling to get away from me. 3 year old returns with Daddy but SANS diaper bag so he goes BACK to get that. I am trying to wrestle a toddler who keeps trying to run away and who is dripping wet. I finally say "No! Stay still." THIS pisses her off big time. The crying begins....now everyone on the patio is taking in the freak show. My husband is back and I am trying to clean up the mess. I manage to get her face and hands pretty well....all while stooping on the ground and managing to put the back of my skirt into the SAME water puddle that SHE fell into. NO I am not kidding. I get her to the point of passable and then return to our outdoor waiting spot AWAY from the puddle. 16 month old is still crying and trying to get away from me to walk. While trying to wrestle her, I manage to knock over my pina colada. Serenity now!
I realize that I am going to HAVE to change her clothes at this point...she is drenched. Luckily I DO have one very UGLY outfit in the diaper bag SO...I head to the truck with her and the diaper bag. Now I am carrying her away from my body to keep from getting anymore wet or dirty than I already am...she is screaming bloody murder. All...the...way...to...the...truck. I get her changed despite much snuffing and crying on her part and I hear the first big roll of thunder as I am buttoning up the back of her shirt. As I close the truck door and comment to her, "We gotta hurry, girl!" the first major droplet of rain hits me square on the head. I begin sprinting to the restaurant and am DOUSED with rain in the process. It was a t-total downpour. We were both drowned rats by the time we got to the door. By this time, we DID have a table. When we get inside and I comment on my total disbelief of this entire situation, and my hubby gives me gives me the very helpful speech about how I "don't understand the whole idea of Murphy's Law. There was no WAY that she wasn't going to go straight for that mud puddle...I just should have expected it." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am pretty certain that the neighboring table really appreciated my toddler's intermittant crying the rest of the meal.
Outside of these lovely incidents, my kids are PRETTY good in restaurants. I will say that they seem to have subsisted throughout the week on bread and french fries so I am fairly certain that they both have ricketts or some other hideous vitamin deficiency.
What? Escape HHI and family vacation without any major injuries? Has this e-mail taught you NOTHING????? Last day of vacation: we are sitting around in the a.m. debating on whether or not to brave the beach. It is pretty overcast and could rain. I notice that my toddler is in great need of having her fingernails cut. Now, she has never been one to appreciate the art of a mani. She refuses to sit still enough for me to do it, therefore this has always been a chore that my hubby takes on. So, he begins clipping away. Manages to get to the last finger (thumb on the left hand to be exact) when disaster strikes.
She moves, hubby follows through with the clipping motion, and the end result is not pretty. We basically have a child with a chunk cut from her fingertip. There is LOTS of blood and crying. She is screaming like a banshee (rightly so), my 3 year old is crying because my 16 mo old is crying, and my hubby is DIEING that this has happened. I still maintain that we were dangerously close to her needing stitches, but I managed to control the bleeding after about 15 min. of constant pressure. My hubby, in an attempt to help soothe my 16 mo old, goes to get her some juice. Little does he know, the disposable sippie cups that we brought for vacation require that the lids be TIGHTLY snapped on. When he goes to tip the sippie cup back for her, the entire cup of juice spills all over both her and me. Now we are covered in blood and juice! Damn that Mr. Murphy and his law!
Amazingly, I DID pack a first aid travel kit by the GRACE of God! (Thank goodness for my incessant OCD packing!) We bandaged my baby up and she was good (not great) about the whole situation. She cried pretty much off and on for the rest of the morning. The chunk of flesh that is still clinging to her thumb is REALLY disgusting...I even took her to the dr. today to make SURE that I didn't mess up with not doing stitches. Dr. said she is fine...the skin will die and fall off (ewww!) and she will have a bit of a scar. Otherwise, she is good.
So...since you are receiving this e-mail, you know that we ARE home and did all survive the big family vacation. Would I take back all of the chaos and craziness from this trip?? Not for all the money in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!! That being said, I see that it is ONLY fair to send this e-mail out as advance notice for all you crazies out there considering your OWN fun-filled family outings! :-)
Hope I gave you a laugh or two today!!!!! And as a quick P.S.: Murphy is STILL hanging around our house. I typed most of this last night....the computer went out during a storm and I LOST it. Good times :-)
Hee hee! That is one old email! I have a more recent, yet equally funny DisneyWorld email vacation play by play that I sent out. But, I don't have that one saved either. If you have it...feel free to forward it back to me and I shall post it. I can't make this stuff up, people. This just really IS my life :-)
xoxo Jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment