Who IS that and what is she doing NOW?

It started simply enough...I walked past a mirror after the shower one morning and catch a glimpse of a person that I do NOT recognize. Whose stomach and mid-section IS that?  Whose thighs?  What the....???   Holy sh*tballs.........that's ME!!!!!  So, yeah, even though I am a regular exerciser (5-6 days/week...most often running)...things are not working out for me in the "tone up" department.  There are several classes I am going to take that the HealthPark here in town once school is in session and my days are not filled with swim team, dance camps, vacation bible schools, etc....and I am sure those classes will help.  But what I saw in that mirror was APPALLING and I was ready to do something STAT.

Well, as it would be....I had been asked by several friends if I was going to be running in a 5K or 10K race that was running this past Saturday evening.  Let's be specifiic...it is JULY in KENTUCKY.  Owensboro JUST made the NATIONAL news tonight for having the highest heat index in the COUNTRY this past few days.  But, hell yeah, I signed up for that 10K.  I ran it last year...it was horrid (kind of like childbirth, you forget how bad it ACTUALLY was)....but there were lots of people last year and I took comfort in that.  So, I show up at 5:00 p.m. for the run and my van is reading 90 degrees....which in KY means like 135 degrees.  I power on.  Find a couple of my friends (one is super speedy and I have NO intention of keeping up with her...the other I figure I can hang with for MOST of the time...tho she is super young and spritely)....and then we line up.  I look around and find that THIS year...most people are not as stupid as me.  Every person around me is a TRUE runner. Like 20 years old (or younger/older) and wearing only sports bras and tighty tight running underwear looking things.  Oh...dear...Lord. 

The first cross country race that my 6 year old ever ran in, she came in last (to her defense...she doesn't KNOW she was last and she was a kindergartner amongst 1-6th graders...but she also sucks as a runner in general.  Sweating is not really her thing.).  When I said to her "I am SO proud of you...you FINISHED and never walked!"  Her reaction was "Yeah...I couldn't stop or that man on the machine was gonna run over me!"  She was of course referring to the 4-wheeler that follows the last runner in....watches for those in need of medical care, etc.  Well....that was ME in this 10K for a LONG time.  That damned cart was on my heels...and did not do a lot for my self esteem!

FWIW....I was alright until about mile 2.5 when I realize that I have OVER hydated and am now using keugle exercises to keep from pissing my pants....which is only half-way working.  Or not working at all as the case may be.  I have had 3 kids, for goodness sake!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention that it was effing HOT AS HADES????  Yep...by 3.5 miles I was in walk/run mode....I willed myself to finish and run it out at the end.  Only b/c my hubby sweet baby boy was there at the end waiting for me.  Overall....Most. Horrible .Race. Ever. I finished and said, "Why do I run?  I don't even think I LIKE it!?!?!!?"   It took me a full hour to finish...a time that I was/am NOT proud of.  I went home showered...got 2 yr old in bed...and went to neighbor's house and commenced to making her get drunk with me to kill my mental/physical pain of that race!  While there?  I got a text from speedy friend who stayed for awards ceremony saying that I PLACED in my age division.  Of course, I ask "Does this mean that I placed 3rd in my age group and there were only three of us IN my age group?"   Her answer: "NO!  You placed SECOND....and there were 2 people in your age group."  I drank more wine in celebration.  And let me tell you something...my medal better BE IN THE MAIL!!!!!!!!!!  It was the worst race of my life and I need proof that i finished, however badly!  LOL!

So....in seeing that horrid profile in myself in the mirror caused me to do another knee-jerk action.  I ordered a series of DVDs....the Tracy Anderson Method (Metamorphosis).  It arrived 2 days ago.  There is a 30 min cardio dance section that you are to do daily.  The best that I can describe it as is me looking like a fraggle doing something similar to sexy club dancing....except despite my coordination, I don't even REMOTELY resemble TRACY.  Lol.  Then there is a weight/muscle section that isolates and works on problem areas that you identify.  Ummmm.... yeah.....my legs are gonna fall off.  That woman is a MACHINE.  The program is complete...cardio/weight and resistance training/diet.  Of course, her biggest endorser is Gwyneth Paltrow ... Demi and Courtney Cox love her too.  And after doing this program for two days like a crippled fraggle...let me tell you.  I am certain the program would work if I stayed on the program...it's 6 days on/1 day off.  But, that makes it hard to run, which I am going to do.  But, that aside..let's say I follow strictly the 90 day plan of 6 days on/1 day off.....Ms. Anderson can shove her dietary advice up her arse.  I mean....REALLY...does she think that for a single second I am going to eat pureed carrots and parsnips for the first 4 days of this program?  Maybe if I am Gwyn and have someone paid to force feed me and then slap food out of my hands at other time.  HELL to the NO...I don't eat BABY food/  And, dear Tracy, when you say you "recommend" 3 glasses of wine per week...you better specify the amount of ozs......I have some BIG wine glasses!!!!!!!!!!

Yet...I will run in the a.m.  and  Tracy myself in the evening....and I will keep trying to choose the Baked Lay's over other chips....and I will hate ever minute of it.

Happy day, everyone!
Jennifer