Oh Poo....

I have said this once...and I will say it again...unless you are a mother or a pediatrician you have NO idea how much time is actually spent discussing the intestinal issues of children.  Basically parents/drs examine and analyze every BM that a child passes...it's a constant conversation piece when I am running in the a.m. with my friends.  Sad, but true.  So, AGAIN, like I have said....put on your big kid pants and deal with it.  This is blog is about Poo.

Bottom line?  I am fairly certain that Vince is going to be heading off to college in a diaper...by that time, I will hopefully have taught him to at least WIPE and change himself...but I am shuttering at the amount of $$ I will be shelling out for pullups...especially once alcohol gets introduced to his system.  And, we all KNOW, that this will NOT happen until his junion yr of college when he is 21 years old, thank you VERY much.  But , I digress...

I knew that this summer (the summer before he turns 3 in August) was the time to start potty training.  I was also totally prepared for the fact that boys TYPICALLY train later than girls.  Reese was totally trained and wearing undies by 3....Sarah even earlier (she taught herself....the same way she is going to teach herself to silently override the household security system later in her life and sneak out to meet boys....I am not stupid, people....).  Sooooo....we try.

First stop?  The "potty watch"....it sings a song every 20-30 min to remind the child to sit on the potty and give it a try.  Yeah...he spent the enture day trying to get the watch OFF and pushing buttons that caused the watch to NOT chime on time, etc.  Problematic.  I put that idea away in a drawer. 

Next stop?  Pull-ups.....CARS version.  We LOVE us some Lightning McQueen in this house.  It would be HORRENDOUS to soil McQueen....one would THINK.  Yeah...I set the timer on the oven to go off every 20 min (and had my sweet sitter do the same thing that day), we made him sit every time the timer beeped.  Never ONCE did he go...except IN the pull up.  Literally, he would sit and hold it...then pee in the diaper the SECOND I pulled his pants up.  Jerkstore.  And poo + pullups = UGLY.....so, bag that idea (literally bag it in a ziploc and send it to the dumpster) and abandon that ship for a bit as well.

Funny anecdotes?  #1.  My son is the ONLY one of my children to ever actually poo in a swim diaper.  And ANYONE who has dealt with this situation knows/feels my PAIN.  It's almost like chlorinated water is an enema for this kid!  He literally, on two separate occassions, got OUT of the pool, came to me and said, "I gotta poop!  Let's go change my diaper!"  Yep....already GONE in his pants.  Again...jerkstore.  I had that moment of "Do I try and deal with this problem with just wipes/towel or hose him down in the SHOWER?")
#2.  He walked INTO the bathroom today....and walked out with me.  Immediately I can smell him.  I ask, "Why in the world did you poop in your diaper while you were STANDING in the bathroom?  Poop goes in the potty, honey."  My son responded, "I didn't go in the bathroom....I went in the living room."  Sweet.  Touche young Jedi.....

So bascially, I KNOW my kid is smart enough and capable enough to potty train....he just doesn't want to.  I am tempted to sent his naked butt out back and let whatever happen just HAPPEN.  I know this works for others....but I can just imagine a REALLY bad scene.  My son DID just fingerpaint his crib pad with poo not too long ago.  When asked WHY he put his hand in poo....he responded, " I didn't....I just put it in a toot...and then washed it off" -- he said this while giving a sweeping motion across his chest....where you coudl see the brown streaks of his artwork.  Nice stuff.

So, yeah, your words of encouragement will help....but I am just happy that diapers.com sells in bulk and has free home (or college) delivery... (that's for all you extreme couponers out there....a SWEET website that I did not discover until baby #3...damnit!  And....you couponers are on my list to to-dos for blogging...even tho I love you!  Along with other blogs to address chaos at kids' events and us Type A moms that can NOT freaking take it!!!!!!!!).

Much love all...have a fantab weekend!
xoxo Jennifer