Why I HAVE to believe...

I do not care what religion you are...or even if you categorize yourself as belonging to one religion over another.  I do not care if you celebrate Christmas with a tree, Hannukah with candles, or Dawali (did I spell that right?) with sparklers and firecrackers.  I. Do. Not. Care.  I just need a forum today to express why I HAVE to believe that there is, indeed a God.

Again, if you do not like the word "God"...put in whatever word you like.  But I am referring to the larger presence in the universe...the reason we are here...the finger that nudged us all into being.  Whether you believe we were formed in one day at God's command or evolved over millions and millions of year. I don't care.  But, there is one thing you can not talk me out of...and that is that there IS INDEED a greater being (I call Him "God"...you fill in your own blank)...that started this whole roller coaster ride of "life" that we are on.

There are a million things that I think about that point to God being REAL...being PRESENT...having a PURPOSE in my life....our lives.  Just even the sounds of my children's voices can set off a domino effect of feeling like I am EXACTLY where God wants me to me.  When I hear scientists on the Discovery channel talking about how many stars they are estimating to be in the Milky Way galaxy ALONE...and the number is so staggering that my mind can not even contain it...I just gotta give that over to a higher power.  I mean...there are billions and billions of just STARS in our galaxy...that doesn't count planets, moons, etc.... AND that doesn't count the OTHER galaxies that our telescopes haves snapped pictures of... all billions + light years away.  The math involved in even figuring ANY of this out should prove there is a God...the fact that my simple mind is just blown away to the point of being unable to even THINK about it CONCRETES the fact for me that God is there.  He has a plan...we are not an accident on some cosmic piece of dust floating through space.  We are not.  We, I truly believe, in the great scheme of things work pretty darn hard on this planet to love one another and live good lives of charity.  Do we fail?  SURE.  Do we disagree?  Well, of course, or there would be no war.  But, even if you do not believe in Jesus Christ as a savior or even a religious figure...you can not argue with me about the fact that historians have proved he EXISTED.  And he rocked the HELL out of the corrupt governments and churches at the time....preaching for us to LOVE one another...and not just the pretty or the wealthy or the clean or the healthy...but love EVERYONE.  Even the sinners.  Here we are today...2000 years later, and whether you are a Christian or not, I guarantee that you are trying to live SOME sort of this example in your life.  Again, we may fail in our pursuit...but Jesus provided a heck of a role model for us...as did his mother Mary.  Role models as to how to be humble, helpful, not afraid to stand up for what you believe, to treat others as your brothers and sisters at all times, to be charitable, and models of how to be OPEN to God's word.  To be listening...because you never know when YOU may be needed.  When something small you could do in your daily life could, literally, change the course of someone else's life.  Powerful.

But, that is not it.  I believe that God set us in motion as living beings...with free will to choose how to treat others.  I believe that he sent Jesus to show us the ultimate form of charity and love....a person willing to lay down his life to change the world...to teach a lesson..to show that God's love is enduring.  But....and this is a BIG but...everyone's faith in this system gets tested.  When bad things...awful things...totally unexpected, ridiculously UNEXPLAINABLE things happen, it is human nature (or at least in MY human nature) to ask....WTH?????  Seriously, God?  Could we not time this crap a little better?  Is this necessary???  Escpecially when bad things happen to those around us that we love...friends, family, or even ourselves.

I can not and will not EVER come up with an excuse as to WHY God allows a child to suffer cancer.  I don't know why God allows miscarriages to happen...or stillbirths...or the death of a child.  I have seen how these things affect my friends and family and, nope, I sure do struggle finding the happy spot in that darkness.  I don't see the positives in mothers or fathers dieing at an early age and leaving behind young families with babies/children. I don't see God's perspective when mean people, really mean people, stay strong and healthy and live long lives where they make others pretty miserable...and others who dedicate their lives to others are forced to suffer diseases or sicknesses.  I hate that soldiers who are fighting for our freedoms and the freedoms for others are killed for simply doing their job...or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I do not understand why natural disasters take the lives of people every day....why are earthquakes, tsunamnis, floods necessary? I do not understand horrific accidents that take the lives of anyone...because that's what they are...accidents.  How should the outcomeof an accident be that someone's life is now gone?  I am open about this people.  I DO NOT GET IT.  I do not see God's hand in these places...in these events...and I am pretty sure I never will...and probably sure that I am not supposed to.

But, my lack of "understanding" does not take away from the fact that I DO believe there is a God.  I DO believe he is in charge.  We may not LIKE his plan...but I CLING to the fact that he HAS one.  If not? Where the hell does that leave us?  No.  I HAVE to believe.  I have to believe that as horrific as the scene is in front of us...or behind us...that God knows we can take it.  We can handle it.  Maybe it will take family, friends, and even strangers coming together to make things "OK" again... that coming together to lift one another up in prayer...as a community of friends and loved ones...is that not what God showed us with his example of Jesus on earth? 

I will be the first to admit that when the horrific happens...my first response is usually tears and prayer...but it can also be followed by an anger like no other (and some inappropriate laughter usually sneaks in as well).  There are just some things that DO NOT seem fair.  And I can TELL myself that there is a "plan"...but in reality, I want to punch the "plan" in the face.  I want to take control of the plan, roll back time, and make things "right" again.  I can tell you, rationally, that this is God teaching me patience...to have patience with the plan...patience with my fellow man...and patience with Him.  Place my faith in Him.  But, it is just hard to do sometimes...no matter how strong a person's faith is.

So today I write to reaffirm to myself, just as much as I want to reaffirm to you, that I DO believe.  I don't like it all the time.  But, like Mary...like Jesus...I am putting myself out there and going to take what the Lord sends me and try to run with it.  Try to learn from it. And most of all, pray like a pray WARRIOR for those in my life that need the strength to trust the plan themselves.  I have no doubt that my day will come again...when I will need the prayer warriors in my corner...picking up my pieces and reminding me that I DO believe in the plan.  And when that happens...please make me re-read this blog.

Blessings to ALL of those surrounding me today who need God's hand and his love...
xoxo Jennifer