Listen, I may have hung up my teacher hat once my oldest child started preschool....but you know what? You can take the teacher out of the school...but you can not take the school out of the teacher. There is just sooooooo much that people evidentally a) did not LEARN during their first 13 years of education with the English language OR b) they are too lazy (thank you texting messaging) to ever actually USE proper grammar. Now, that said.... I am totally guilty of the lazy text. When I write "K", it totally could mean "Yes, that sounds like a great plan to me!" -- I am just in a hurry and have no time to write that whole sentence while being chased about by my 3 hooligans. AND there are plenty of times that I do not proofread (often I post to this blog without re-reading...and I NEVER proofread emails). So, most certainly you are going to find grammar and spelling mistakes all OVER my writings. There, I said it. BUT.......for you persistant offenders out there...who truly make me wonder if English is your second language, I am going to provide you with a cheat sheet. Print it. Laminate it. Live by it. Mainly because these mistakes annoy the HECK out of me.
1. The words THERE/THEIR/THEY'RE are DIFFERENT, people. They are to be used in different situations. When using "there" -- think of it as a PLACE. "Where did you put my glass of wine?" " I put it over THERE." See....a distinct location. When using "their"-- this is a possessive meaning that an item belongs to THEM. "I don't know whose bottle of wine this is..." "Oh, it's THEIR bottle"....meaning the bottle belongs to those people sitting across the room from you. Finally, when using "they're"....this is a contraction for the two words "they are"....if you are writing a sentence and can take OUT the word "they're" and put IN "they are" and the sentence still makes sense?? Then BINGO! You got it. "I think they're crazy for not finishing off that bottle of wine". Easy enough.
2. Your/You're .... also totally different words. The main stumbling block here is that texting ruined us on this one. Even I will use the lazy man's "ur" to mean both. Well, the two words are, once again, DIFFERENT. When using "your"....this is again a possessive meaning something belongs to "you". "Whose half eaten cookie is on the counter? Oh, it's your cookie." The cookie BELONGS to someone. "You're" is, again, a contraction. It stands for "you are". The test just like with "they're" is to see if when you remove the "you're" and replace it with ""you are" and the sentence still makes sense then BINGO! You got it.
3. I know this is going to come as a HUGE shock to a few of you....but placing the letter "w" in front on the word "hole" actually changes the ENTIRE MEANING OF THE WORD. Yes. It does. I am not making this up.. A "hole" is an empty space in the ground...you dig one to plant trees, etc. The word "whole" means "entire"....like "My whole family came over for dinner"....the entire family. Not your "hole family"....that, my friends, can and WILL be interpreted in many inappropriate ways.
4. I think the hardest to remember...and I have to test myself on this one often is the use of its/it's. It's a tricky little booger...but if English as Second Language students and all of China can learn it, well by golly, so can United States born citizens!!!!! "It's" is a CONTRACTION...it stands for "it is". ONLY use it if you can put the word "it is" into the sentence and have it still make sense. The tricky part? Usually when we show possession we add 's to the end of a word "Jennifer's pencil, Brenda's joke, Marsha's wine..." Well, this is NOT the case you when are talking something belonging to IT. If your tree has a broken limb.... then "its limb is broken". NO apostrophe. It would not make sense to say "it is limb is broken".... see how nice these little checks work out?
5. We were all taught growing up to put others first...open the door for others...think of others before yourself....therefore it is mind boggling to me that when people write they do not carry this simple rule over into written form. THAT IS STILL THE RULE. When writing about yourself and others .... the others ALWAYS come first. Please do not say "Me and Laura went to the store." Barf. "Jack, Jane, Jim, and I all went to the ballgame."..... I comes LAST in that sentence just because it is POLITE to put others before yourself. And if you are confused about whether to use I or me?? Run the test. Take all other names out and see if the sentence make sentence with just the word "I" or "me". For instance: "I went to the ball game." or "Me went to the ballgame." No brainer people.
6. This is my final lesson for the day. It's a big one. And a pet peeve of mine. And extremely timely since I just got a bunch of Christmas cards with this mistake. Don't take offense....just trying to offer a public service here. When you are referring to your family...or another family....for instance we are the "Hayden Family"....there is MORE than one of us in the family, obviously. When you address us in writing, just make the word "Hayden" PLURAL to represent more than one person.....this means....JUST ADD AN S. I promise...there is NO apostrophe needed. Apostrophes serve two purposes...to form contractions for the word "is" OR show possession (Jennifer's bike). When you send a card to my family and write "The Hayden's"....I have to stop and think....hmmmmm.... which ONE of us on the family is THE Hayden? Since this card obviously only belongs to ONE Hayden. Does this make sense?? Correct usage as I understand it (and I am sure if I am wrong that there are a lot of smarter people out there who will tell me) -- address it to "The Haydens"....just add the s and make it plural. Now....if the last name ends with s??? Get out your old English book and look up the rule....or cheat and write "The Swiss family" :-) I do hope that rant didn't just cost me all of my CHristmas cards next year...I really DO like getting them! I swear I thought I was the only person who thought about this issue until I was a a good friend's house. They have a sign that says "The Smiths" (not really....I am trying to use anonimity here)....but I remember looking at the husband and saying, "Do you know what I love MOST about that painting?" .... His immediate response...did NOT flinch...was "Because it doesn't have an apostrophe." I almost peed in my pants. YES! That IS what I loved. The proper use of punctuation.
I write this blog mainly just because these are all things that have bothered me a long time...plus, it REALLY ticks me off that children in other countries have better English grammar and punctuation usage than those of us here in the USA...with free eduation systems at our disposal...for EVERYONE to attend. Please people...start paying attention in class rather than doodling in the margins.
Happy punctuating!
xoxo Jennifer
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