After spending a full week in close quarters with 3 children and a husband...well.. you learn a lot about yourself, your family, and if you are a people watcher like me...well, you learn a few things about others as well. So...let's get right to it. The Cultural Experience that IS Disney (in NO particular order):
1. Evidently, there is a new fashion trend emerging from Asia. I saw MULTIPLE Asian travelers in Disney...and many shared a novel new fashion *bling*. This is *NOT* a sterotype...just an observation... it appears that black panty hose (NOT TIGHTS) are making a come back. Under shorts...under capri pants...with tennis shoes/flats/boots...disturbing. To each their own....but let me tell you... I REALLY thought it was a fluke the first person I saw...and then when I started realllly paying attention...well, it was no accident. The black hose were EVERYWHERE. Creep me OUT! I get it that the Duchess of Cambridge can pull off nude pantyhouse that blend with her skin tone under gorgeous Issa dresses. But, if black panty house are what is coming OUR way in the USA...well, I'm out. I will officially give up on fashion. This is not that big of a stretch since I barely own anything NOT purchased from Target anyway. :)
2. Dear Rascal/Scooter riders, I pretty much dislike you all. My only stipulation on this is that I KNOW there are PLENTY of people who need to use rascals or wheelchairs that don't visually appear to be handicapped. My father in law, in the depths of cancer/chemo/raditation, needed that hanicapped sticker for his car. And I counted my blessing EVERY SINGLE TIME a family got onto the bus with a child (young or teen or grown) in a wheelchair. These parents are ANGELS. So, I GET it. BUT....BUT....I have very little tolerance for people that are renting those rascals for the sheer fact that they are overweight and too effing lazy to WALK the park. THIS is why the rest of the world thinks that Americans are LAZY and FAT. Here's a novel idea....WALK in the parks and you might *gasp* LOSE weight in Disney! Yes, possibly. To quote one of my fave blogs, http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/ ... I want to throat punch the lazies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. On a positive note, Disney is pretty much the mecca of helping people like me whose children have food allergies. There are special menu items at ALL eateries...and specialized desserts...AND the chefs come out to talk to you or walk you thru the buffets so that you are totally educated on what is safe...and if you are not comfortable with buffets, ALL restaurants will specially prepare food in the kitchen for you...in allergen free pans/allergen free fryers. Most excellent. But to further this observation, I can NOT NOT NOT believe how MANY kids/people HAVE food allergies these days. Most chefs were OUT in the dining area NONSTOP talking to table after table. I just do not REMEMBER this from my childhood. Heck, EVERYONE ate peanut butter sandwiches, drank milk, and had scrambled eggs for bfast. Ummm...not anymore!!!!!!! If there is not a scientist out there somewhere studying this hardcore, they SHOULD be. I will encourage any of my scinece-interested children into this field. Something has obviously changed!
4. What did I learn about my husband? That, despite feeling crappy a good portion of our trip to Disney, he is STILL the fastest walker in North America. Un. Real. I mean, I jog...I run races...and I STRUGGLE to keep up with his walk. Granted, he was pushing an umbrella stoller with a 3 yr old and I have a double stoller with a 6 and 9 year old (YES...we cram them into the rented ones at Disney b/c if I can't keep up...they SURE as heck can't!). Regardless, I need to sign him up for speed walking Olympic time trials. He'd rock it. In their defense, MOST people in Disney mosey. They are on vacation. My husband is on a MISSION. On day 3 in the park, I looked at my husband and innocently remarked, "We have passed approximately 1.6 million people...and I do not think ONE person has passed us the entire time we have been here." He TOTALLY and seriously deadpanned me, "No, there was that ONE person that ran past us yesterday...it looked like he was really late for something." SERIOUSLY? He could COUNT the number of people who had passed us? So, I really started paying close attention from that point forward...and I counted 3 more people who passed us. All running. We are evidently move like Speedy Gonzalez. Holy.....
5. Disney may be the "happiest place on Earth"....but it is also the "germiest place on Earth". And if you think about it...this makes sense. Pretty much everyone is there with children. They have saved money to go on this vacation...and by gosh, come hell or high water...they are GOING TO THE PARKS. You will hear hacking and coughing and gagging around nearly every corner. Every kid there touches EVERY chain, handrail, surface...and NO amount of handwashing or hand sanitizer is gonna save you. We were no exception. WE were the family that deserved a throat punch. I at least came prepared this trip (our LAST Disney trip had ALL 3 children getting the stomach virus one after another resulting in me being sequestered to the room with puking children and doing laundry for a straight 48 hours, on little/no sleep, but thank HEAVENS with LOTS of wine.) So, you live and learn, on our way into the park, we stop at a Publix and I stock up on food, water, snack, Lysol, Clorox wipes, and lots of wine ( I firmly believe, and have said it before, that I truly believe that germs dislike alcohol...keep it in your system and you will fight those germs off). Hee hee! I believe that it was day 3 that my 9 year old woke me up to announce that she had thrown up. Of course she had! I mean, WHY NOT??? We were up a huge portion of the night. She only got sick twice....kept bfast down in the am...and being the "plan ahead mom" that I was had packed left over stomach meds for ALL members of the family. Medicated her and off we went. That night, my hubby was puking behind a BUSH at the condo as we were waiting for a bus to take us to dinner. Holy Moly. We were like a train wreck. That said...I medicated HIM got everyone to bed in a timely manner...and I sat up by myself chocking my body full of alcohol to ward off all germs. Good times.
6. I am sorry to break the news to my husband .... but I realized on my trip to Disney that 98% of ALL girls aged 12 yrs + are more "developed" than me. Seriously. I have even had three children! But, nope...here I sit with my training bra sized chestal area...and there goes a 10 year old who probably NEEDS my bra waaaaay more than me. Crap. And, for the record, I am WAAAAAAY too scared for "augmentaion". I know it is "safe" and tons of my pals have done it. But I....I will be the ONE person who dies on the table getting a "full B cup". And can you imagine? I have 3 small children. Conversation with a stranger: "Oh...I am so sorry...I had no idea your mom had passed away. Bless your sweet hearts." My 9 year old (or even 6 year old) would quickly quip, "Yeah...she was getting bigger boobs." Nope...not going out that like that people. NOT gonna do it. Maybe where they are like....in their teens? LOL! I kid!!!!!!!! I am a scaredy cat!
7. Parents get PISSED at Disney. And, secretly, I love it. It makes me feel normal. I am not the only one who gets sick and tired of hearing whining and ungratefulness. Thank you, normal parents...thank you.
To be honest...there is a lot more that I leared at Disney...but it's gonna have to be broken down into smaller blogs. I mean that is a LOT of material people....plus I just watched Nikki Minaj (sp?) on the Grammy's from last night...and THAT, my friends, needs a blog all of its own...and lots of thought. Wow.
Love you guys!
Have a great night/day!
xoxo Jen
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