So, yeah, I converted to Catholicism in high school. I ended up marrying a Catholic and our children attend Catholic schools. All of this, I am proud of. What I am NOT proud of is the fact that it has taken me nearly 20 years to truly define what Lent means to me personally.
When I was "younger" (ahem...I still think I am young in my head), I considered Lent to simply be a time of sacrifice or even deprivation...the sacrificing of something in my life that would be difficult for me to go without for 40 days....just as Jesus suffered for 40 days in the desert. This year brought a new view of Lent to me. I do not know if it is because I am maturing as a person, wife, mother? But I think my change of heart came from really, truly listening in church and doing a VERY HARD TASK....honestly looking at and studying the nooks and crannies of my heart, my life.
The truth, to me, is that Lent is less about "giving something up" and more importantly "turning toward something"...and that something is God. I spent a long time trying to identify the things in my life (and missing from my life) that were separating me from God, from my family, from my friends and loved ones. Needless to say, I DID "give up" several pretty significant things this Lent...but I also dedicated myself to using the time that was opened from these sacrifices to do good work... Good deeds....God's work. Whether it is a simple morning devotion reading with my kids, playing a game of family hide and seek, writing a thank you letter to someone who has made a difference in my family's life, or writing to wounded servicemen and women....I have spent this Lent really trying to guide God into my heart and into my life. We all know we can't live this life alone....heck I can't even successfully carpool my kids without a neighbor or two!
Does this mean I am succeeding with flying colors? Um...no. I am typically a stickler for not "taking days off" during Lent. It's just my OCD. Well, that came crashing down today when I crushed a number of candy bars no human should ever ingest in one day. Is God happy about my free will choice to go against the Lenten fast that I promised him back on Ash Wednesday? Nope, surely not. Do I feel a confession coming on? Yep. But the good news is this...He is waiting, listening, and ready to forgive me. He probably also expects me to not binge eat chocolate bars again anytime soon. He wants me to keep my heart and eyes on the prize...getting closer to Him, getting closer to my family.
One of things I gave up for Lent was Facebook...yes, I realize my blog is connected to FB, but I will not see your "likes" or "hates" etc... Before I signed off of FB on Fat Tuesday, I saw someone ask, "I see the same people giving up Facebook every year. Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Shouldn't it be something different?" Ummmmm no. The people who are giving up FB or Twitter, etc are just realizing that FB is separating them from God and their families. Maybe they are looking at their phones more than they are talking no their children? Maybe they are getting overly emotionally involved with interaction on FB? Maybe FB leads them to gossip or hear things that are not true or worthy of repeating? Maybe, just maybe, they are "checking themselves" and reminding themselves that they don't need that computer or FB as much as they thought. Maybe they are spending more time in prayer and more time with family... In a perfect world, we all stay as focused on God and family AFTER Lent as we are DURING Lent. But we all stumble and fall... And once a year, a 40 day reminder that the world goes on without FB might just be healthy!
So there you go....it took me a lot of years and prayer to reach this much insight. There is no doubt some of it is imperfect, but I think as long as I am trying to be the best Christian, mother, wife, daughter, sister, role model, and friend that I ca be ...well, I am gonna bet that God will be happy when all is said and done.
Happy Lent, everyone!!
Xoxo
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